- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
Girls. Help me out here.
FI and I have been living together for 3 months (dating for 4 years). He has a previous history of heavy binge drinking, and hanging out with people of the same sort. He’s a great person, great fiance, great friend. But he has a tendency to get a little out of control when he’s drinking with these friends. There was this one time, a particularily disturbing time, when he got so wasted that he didn’t even recognize me. He kept asking who I was… It’s scary, so scary, how alcohol transforms people. This is why I always get a little uneasy when he wants to party with these people. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my wine paired with cheese, but I can drink to have a good time, not to purposefully “get wasted”.
Today he told me he’s going to his friend’s house on Friday to relax with some buddies. I said to him, “Great! I’ll drive you and pick you up so you can completely unwind. Ill watch a movie, take a bath, and can pick you up around 2 am.” To which he said “Um, no, it’s ok. I’ll be back on Saturday”. Uh..what?
I’m sorry, but IMHO, when you’re living together, engaged, ready to start a family, and seriously settling down (as we are), and ahem, turning 30 this month, you don’t spend nights at other people’s houses. We have a home that we’ve worked very hard towards, and we have a bed in which we sleep in every night. My husband sleeps at home. Period.
Now…perhaps I would have been a little more down to earth regarding his idea of spending the night elsewhere (probably not, but humour me). But these particular people are very bad news when it comes to drinking. They not only drink lots, but they have a tendency to mix their alcohol. Beer, followed by vodka, followed by whiskey, by the wife’s wine which they wouldn’t even look at on a regular day, etc. Basically they would drink everything until there wasn’t anything else left to drink. Then some of them drive home aftewards. It doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t want my FI to be mixed in with that crowd. I’m ok with him spending the evening with them (unfortunately he doesn’t have any other guy friends who have other interests, we’re working on that), but I just KNOW that if he spends the night there he will get completely @#$%faced. I don’t want that for his health, and I don’t want that to reflect poorly on me (like if someone sees him and says, where’s that fiance of his? How come she’s not watching her man?’
So anyway, I told him all of this. Not everything of course, but my basic opinion of “starting a family, different priorities, own bed, own house” etc, etc. And…he got VERY angry, started slamming doors, and told me that I don’t know what I’m talking about and that I’m controlling him…..
So, I decided to give him some space. I went out for an evening jog, and then I called his parents to ask for their opinion. FI’s parents are very much aware of his tendency to get rowdy under the influence of alcohol and they helped me through many unpleasanties that I’ve had to deal with regarding this. We’re also extremely close, and I felt it was appropriate to ask for their advice in this situation. They completely backed me up and supported me, and suggested I speak to him again, focusing the attention on the words “Family, and different priorities”.
And the response I recieved was, “Well, if you don’t think it’s normal that sometimes I spend the night at friends’ houses, then you and I are going to have a problem”. This hit me like a ton of bricks. We were so friendly this whole time living together!
What the hell?
What should my next course of action be?