- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
Sorry this is so long, but thanks for reading!!! Happy Veterans Day to current and past military!!!
When FI and I first started dating, he had recently applied to be an officer in the Navy but was notified that they weren’t hiring at the time and to try again at a later date. Instead of sitting around, he decided to better himself so that when he applied again, he would be more appealing to them. He went back to school for his master’s in a highly relevent field (that he loves and excels at). In the meantime, we fell in love and became engaged- while being 4 hours apart for most of the relationship due to him moving away for school. I am very dependent, so these past two years have been extremely hard for me and I can’t wait until we both graduate so we can be together again. Our plan was to both get jobs and move to DC, and that he could join the reserves soon after. He still gets his dream, and we still get eachother. It was our compromise. However recently, the Navy has called him up and he met with a recruiter to discuss reserves. The reserves would be a much bigger commitment than we had originally anticipated and is very unpredictable with deployments (when and length). He is back to considering (actually, more than considering) doing active duty for 4 years. This would entail him attending Officer Candidate School for 12 weeks, training for months, and then a 6-8 month depoloyment right away. I don’t even understand what goes on after that, I am too distraught to even think about it or pay attention when he tries to explain it. I can’t imagine being apart for the next 4 years, with even less contact than we have now (we see eachother about every 2 weeks)! Especially at the start of our marriage together.
The other issue is, I am finishing up my PhD. I would like to get a postdoc or job within the next year. Now, I don’t even know where to look for a job. I don’t want to be in a city far away from everyone that I know if I am going to be there all alone most of the time. I am very, very shy and introverted so I don’t think I would be able to “keep myself busy” while he was away. I don’t think following him is conducive to having the career that I have been working towards for so long. I also feel that my field is too fast paced for me to start up again in 4 years once he is done with active duty.
As of now, he is going to apply and treat it just as a job application. But we both know it means more to him than that. It is his dream to be an officer in the Navy. I want to support him so badly, but it goes against everything I want. I want to marry the love of my life, settle down with a job, and enjoy our time together after being long distance for so long. I know that is ideal and life doesn’t always work out like planned. I know if he got accepted for active duty, I would stand behind him and do what I have to do. I’d even be proud of him. I am just scared to death and so upset over that being a possibility. I have been a complete mess for the last week, and every time we discuss it, I end up SO emotional. It hurts me so much that he is considering this. He is also torn. He can’t be without me but he can’t not do the Navy. He says it is his calling in life to serve his country. He has been dreaming about being an officer since he was 9 years old. I can’t take that away from him. The 4 years of active duty is already a compromise, as before we were together he wanted to be career Navy. Doing active duty would be super beneficial to his career- most jobs prefer military experience and clearances that he could be able to get through the Navy. If accepted, it would also provide stability. No jobs are hiring new graduates thanks to government funding cuts.
Not sure what I am asking for by posting this. Advice? Thoughts? Please don’t flame me for being selfish, as I am trying to fight that so hard right now. I know him going into the military will take commitment and support on both of our parts. I do love our country, but I also love my FI and our life together! Breaking our engagement is not an option. That would be way worse than being long distance for another 4 years.
Also, sorry if I am incorrect with military terms and timelines. I am very new to all this Navy talk!