- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
For me, it would depend on what field he wanted to go into. My husband is an EOD tech (bomb disposal) and his tech school was a year long, very grueling and he would have had little to no time for me anyway. He was in school from 4am to 6-7pm every single day. It was better for us both that we waited until after it was over to get married. He graduated tech in June, we got married in October and then were still long distance for a bit after marriage. It really wasn't that bad being long distance after we got married. I mean... we spend a whole mess of time long distance anyway, might as well get used to it now.
If he's not going into an extremely hard field... then I would say you can do whatever you think is best. Being "wife" is always better than being "girlfriend" or "fiancee" when you're dealing with the military. Plus, the insurance and extra money is awesome. DH collected housing allowance for me living in St Louis with my parents for a few months while he was in New Mexico living in a dorm on base for free. It was pretty sweet.
It seems to me that if you're ready to get married, you should go ahead and do it before he enters.
well all things considered, its up to you. BUT financially you also get Basic housing cost added to his salary and you can live on base if your married together. there is a lot to consider.... I think you really need to discuss it with him.
how long have you been together? How old are you guys? if he gets stationed elsewhere are you moving with him? or staying where you are at for college??
this is a SERIOUS decision as its really difficult being away for so long. ahhh.
I personally would wait if you can.. Hubby and I waited until after a yearlong deployment to get married, and it was the best thing we could've done for our relationship.. No matter how long you are together beforehand, long distance is very hard, and I really think that before getting married and then putting that marriage immediately through long distance, it's important to experience it first.. You need to know what you're getting yourself into before you commit to it fully.. Not that I'm saying that it would break you guys up or anything, just that it's important to experience it before taking that leap.. You can't really know how hard it is until you're dealing with it day in and day out, and it's important to the growth of your relationship.. Though wives matter to the army where girlfriends and fiances do not, I don't think that it made all that much of a difference in my situation when we weren't married.. I was still his point of contact for everything, I was his beneficiary, I received constant communication from the FRG, and I was the one notified when he was coming home.. So I would say if possible, wait..
@live laugh love: Whatever we do I'm going to finish school, so I guess if he's in basic while I'm finishing up, it wouldn't really make a difference so we could go ahead and get married beforehand. If that happens then I'll just stay in dorms here at school until I finish. And then after hes done with basic then of course I'd move where ever he wsa stationed. They way we had planned it we would be 22 when we got married and we've been together since high school 3 almost 4 years...not sure what that has to do with it.
@armywife1029:we've done long disance off and on in our relationship but I know it's going to be a whole other league when it ocmes to him going through basic or being deployed. Our initial reaction was to wait and get married around our planned time. That's what feels right to me. I don't want to be married and living in a college dorm. I just need to learn more about the sysytem and how everything works. Like I said I have no reason to be rushed as far as insurance/ money. I'm glad to hear that you still were the primary contact because that was another worry for me, possibly having to rely on his mother for info.
@Mrs.Lonestar: DH also had me as his primary contact as well. All of his info from basic and such came directly to me. DH also had me as a beneficiary of his life insurance and on all of his military paperwork before we were married.
From what you've said... if you're not in a hurry then just wait. Wait until he finishes training because it'll be much easier after that.
@zippylef: Thanks for the advice! That was what we were thinking so I'm glad to see that's what everyone also recommends!
I'd definitely wait. We will have finished deployment #2 when we're married. It's good to know exactly what you're dealing with BEFORE you tie the knot. Even if you're not married it doesn't mean you can't be there with him every step of the way and be his primary contact. He's just going to have a whole lot going on and putting your first year of marraige through that isn't wise if it can be avoided. Good luck!
We waited to do our big wedding, and it's turned into a real pain. We are getting married two days before Christmas since that is the ONLY weekend that we were certain we'd both have off in a two year period. We're both military though, so it's doubly complicated. As for the benefits, it's worth it to have those during basic. BAH is nothing to sneeze at.
Keep in mind that after Basic, he will go right into AIT (unless he's going officer?) and won't have leave until after that. There can be delays, classes moved around, changes in reporting dates, etc and you may not be able to plan anything very far in advance. There's also limited slots available currently and planning to start basic at a certain time can be next to impossible.
Hard for me to give advice and lean one way or the other. yes, it's always better to be wife than gf in the military but I would want to spend time having a relationship that wasn't long distance like pp said she did after a deployment. Personally, I'd wait.
Does anyone have any comments about moving onto base once we are married (if we marry after bootcamp)? What is life like on base for a military wife? what is housing like?
@Mrs.Lonestar: I can't comment on living on base, but don't limit yourself to base housing. Sometimes it's unavailable, (6 month wait lists aren't unheard of) or undesireable. It depends on the base.
If you chose not to live on base you get basic allowance for housing, known as BAH, that you use towards your rent/ultilies and whatnot. If you live on base you get zero BAH. For us, BAH is more than we need, so we pocket some money each month.
FI also likes keeping work and home lives separate, so living on base isn't really our first choice. He doesn't want to live down the street from his boss and half his coworkers.
I'm not discouraging you from base housing because it is an excellent option for some people, but just remember it's not your only option.
I didn't answer the second part of your question because I'm not exactly sure what you mean, it's just life. There's a lot that can't be summaried in one post. The essence is you're a normal wife but you can shop at the commissary or NEX on base, sometimes there's fancy parties, work schedules can suck and of course there's deployments and training. There's a lot of military significant other sites that you might just want to start reading/lurking on. You'll learn lots that way.
My fiance did the exact same thing, actually. He's headed to Marine boot camp In January.
I am also still a student and I will be finishing my degree before I move anywhere with him.
We decided that it was more practical for us to get married before he leaves, for a number of financial and insurance reasons. Also, he is very interested in special forces, and the training for that would be long and unpredictable, and the deployments even more so. It would be very hard fo us to get the wedding we wanted if we waited. We have decided to have our wedding on our terms, rather than the Marines'.
It is a really hard decision though, and you shouldn't let anyone else decide what you need to do. Talk to a recruiter, think about it long and hard, and decide what works best for you.
A good friend of mine was considering this and they got married before he joined so that it would make the transition easy. She got on his insurance immediately, he got more pay... I forget what else.
There are a lot of good things that go along with being married and in the military such as BAH (which is extra money you get to live off base, if not then he will only make enough money to live in the barracks), tricare is amazing... i have tricare price and pay for no prescriptions or visits, another perk is access to the base. But the ultimate decision is up to you.
Another thing to consider is that the Navy (which the marines is technically part of) just had to let go of a lot of sailors and the wait time is about 2 years to get in right now.
Thanks everyone! FI and I decide to go ahead and get married before he leaves for bootcamp in September. That way we'll have some time as a married couple before he leaves and I'll be going back to school the same time he's leaving. I guess we were lucky so far eerything has gone as planned, although I know that can change at the drop of a hat!
@leg3ndbee: That's ridiculous! Thankfully FI doesn't have to wait that long (other than the DEP) He got high scores on ASVAB so maybe that had something to do with it because he even got a signing bonus
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ticatica | 13 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 12 |
| MrsOliveBird | 11 |
| aussiebee | 10 |
| janetsnakehole | 8 |
| Scottish_lassie | 7 |
| GelaMac | 6 |
| j_jaye | 5 |
| MrsMSmith | 5 |
| Rivendeler | 5 |
Sorry, there are no users yet.
Fi wants to join the Marines. We were planning a september 2013 wedding, I'll be graduating college in May 2013. My question is should we get married before or after he goes through basic? Insurance and living situation isn't really an issue for me, I'm still under my parents insurance and if need be I can live at home for a couple of months (rather than getting my own apartment) I was thinking that we should get married after basic since I don't want to spend that much time away from him right after we get married. I'm thinking that we might be able to time it so that he gets out of basic and I graduate around the same time.
Thoughts? Advice? What did you do?