Post # 1
FI and I have been talking about our future. There are a few universitys in California that offer the degree I want, one of them being 8 hours north. FI is wanting to the move to the one FARTHEST from our family. Both of our families are VERY dramatic and negative. He thinks that getting away from them will help us to be happy and be able to focus on us which I agree with. But just thinking of moving 8 hours away from everyone and everything I know scares me. If there is a family emergency, I won’t make it down in time. For Holidays and everything, I will have to wake up SUPER early to start the long drive down. I know my family will never come to visit me up there because of how far it is. But as negative as my family is, I’m scared to be completely on my own with none of them around if I need anything. It would only be for two years (unless we end up loving it there and staying). Has anyone else moved far from their family? Can you share your experience please?
Post # 3
I moved 15 hours away from my family to be with my FI. I am very very close to my family, so it was hard. When my parents left after dropping me off, I cried for 2 days. Then, things started to go really well. I love it now (it’s been about 1.5 years)!! The best part is that every time you see your family, it’s fun and exciting. There is less drama because you want to make the most of your time together.
I would go for it if I were you! Be adventurous, you might be surprised how awesome it is 🙂
Post # 4
I moved 14 hours away from my family for college. It was hard but it was such a life changing expereience. Just because you move now, doesn’t mean you will never move back. I say go for it if its what you want, don’t let your fear of what if’s stop you.
Post # 5
First off. Big hugs. This is a huge thing and it’s hard and I totally get that. When I was 18 I moved on my own to a country where I had no family, no friends and had only been to once before – as a tourist and a very small child.
I know it’s hard to be clinical about this but think about this. Yes, it’s a long drive BUT it can be achieved in a day. You COULD make it down for a family emergency easily, it’s not like you’re talking about moving to the East Coast where you’re a plane and a whole day away. You will be moving somewhere where you don’t know anyone but if you went to a university closer who’s to say that you would know anyone there either? IMO moving whilst you’re planning to go to university or for work is the best thing because you’re not just following your FI out there to be his spose, you’re going to see people on a regular basis and you’re going to make friends out of that group of people.
And as for your FI thinking that you guys are going to be happier – let me say this, I thought that moving away from DH’s family would make us happier and we still haven’t done it and it bugs me more now than it did when we were engaged. It feels like we’re walled in by family and I know now, after talking and fighting it out, that if I had just told DH that whilst we were engaged he would have been more understanding of the situation. You may love your family, but your FI doesn’t have to, and marriage is all about work. If it’s only for 2 years then it could really help to strengthen your relationship at the start of your marriage and that in itself will be invaluable. And I think you’ll find that your family will get used to it and they will visit you – after all, they’re going to want to see you and check up on you!
Whatever happens I hope you make the right decision for you and your FI.
Post # 6
I have a hard time with change myself. But he has a point. It’ll be good to start your lives together in a new place without negativity and obligations, etc.
And besides…it’s only 8 hours. There’s always Southwest Airlines.
And it could be worse! He could want to move 3000 miles away!
Post # 7
HAHAHA You guys made me feel so much better about this!
Post # 8
I live 5 hours from my parents and FI has to fly to get to his family. The need to travel can be a little inconvenient at times but I kind of like the distance. Our FILs can’t be all up in our business, you know? We both have good relationships with our parents so you’d think it would be difficult, but to me it just felt like a natural part of growing up. I moved away, became less dependent on my parents and am now forming my own family. It might be even easier for you b/c there’s drama you’d like to distance yourselves from.
I’m sure it will be different when we have kids and would like the help, but we’re years away from that. We do have my sisters around so it’s not total isolation, but I moved here by myself years ago and they came later, so I have been here alone. I haven’t had any major emergencies but there have been some minor things that I’ve had to deal with without family around. I fell and had to get stitches once and my college roommate came to the ER and held my hand. You make friends and you all end up relying on each other in some of those times when you would normally rely on your family.
I liked having the experience of finding my own way and stepping outside my comfort zone. It’s a big confidence booster to go somewhere new. You don’t want to always look back and wonder, what if I had gone there or tried that? I’m big on not regretting things and if I had stayed home, I wouldn’t have been very happy because I would always have wondered what I could have accomplished if I hadn’t been too scared to leave.
Post # 9
I’m a 3 hr plane ride from my family and its still difficult sometimes (I’ve never been back home for Thanksgiving). But after awhile I realized I was excited to go home AND to come back. Its nice to feel at home in two places. I’m very happy with my decision, but I’m very independent (like took the bus on the first day in kindergarten when I was 4 independent). I think its healthy for everyone to live apart from their parents at some point in their lives.
Post # 10
We’re much closer than you – 2 hours instead of 8 – but giving ourselves a little space was incredibly liberating. And it’s only improved our situation, because living in a tiny town with both of our families was intense, but now we appreciate the time we get to spend together when we visit. It not only helped our relationship, but our families too. Good luck and go for it!
Post # 11
I moved 2,000 miles away from my family when I went to collge. They are still in CA and I’m in NYC. Trips home take more planning, but make for great vacations, and my parents have an excuse to come and visit NYC all the time.
8 hrs really isn’t that bad. Growing up my granparets lived about an 8 hr drive from us (they were in No. Cal and we were in So. Cal) we’d go up all the time for holidays, etc. Plus the flight was super short.
I still talk to my mom daily (either over e-mail or phone) but the distance is nice. You have time to be your true self and figure out who you are outside of the confines of your family.
Post # 12
I’ve lived in a lot of different countries and now I live in NYC and my family live in London. I genuinely think it is for the best this way. I absolutely love them to pieces, but being so far away has forced me to be very independent and really come into my own as a person. Plus everytime we visit each other we have such a great time. We talk all the time on phone, skpte, gchat and facebook, so it really doesn’t feel that different at all.
Post # 13
@katnyc2011 That is exactly what we are going through. We live in Socal now but are planning to move to Northern Cali. Where in Northern Cali did you live?
The town we want to move to is a University Town. There are 80,000 people that live there and the median age is 27 (I am 22 and FI is 25).
The GREAT thing is rent down there is so cheap! Like we could get a 1 bedroom apartment for $700 (right now we pay $1300)! It would make it where I wouldn’t have to work and could just go to school and not be stressed.
Post # 14
@Tswife4ever: We actually lived in so cal (LA area) and grandparents lived up by monterey.
Currently my parents go up to see my grandmother ever month and a half or so. They pile in the car with the dog and just drive up. Usually stop at a cute place for lunch on the way.
The drive isn’t that bad and if you take the costal route there’s some great scenery.
Sometimes I feel like I can’t get home if something should happen (having to book a flight, etc) but you still have the option of driving. Having some space is a good thing and you can always invite them up to stay and then send them on their way!
Post # 15
I’m not sure why you wouldn’t be able to make it down in time for a family emergency; you could just fly down – it only takes an hour.
Post # 16
My FH and I live about 8 hours away from our families. It is hard, but this is where we need to be right now. Sometimes it is good to get away. We are growing up and learning how to depend on just us (and God). We are both the ‘babies’ in the family, so by the time we come back home, we will be our own people. (sometimes our families feel like we don’t know anything because we are the youngest).