- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2015
After a lot of internal struggle and debate, I finally decided not to drop out of school and re-start/finish my music degree. Long story short, I majored in it for 2 years right out of high school at an internationally ranked school, but I couldn’t take the pressure and ended up doing poorly, leading to several major changes and lots of wasted money. I’ve decided to go back to music, starting fresh at the local community college and transfer to a local university from there. Note: I refuse to take out more loans for school, so I’m only going part time, maybe 6-8 credit hours a semester.
Super excited, I told FI this and he says, “In that case, maybe we should put off getting married until after you graduate.” Basically, he wants us to be more stable (read: in the same life phase). He graduated last May and starts his real people job in 2 weeks. When I was thinking about just working full time, not messing with school, he was ok with it as long as I was working full time consistently. He doesn’t want me to be in school and him on the next chapter after getting married. He wants us on an even playing field.
Now, I know he means well and has the best of intentions, but I just became super upset and we had a long conversation about it that basically ended in we’ll see where we end up after I talk to an advisor. As far as I’m concerned, my being in school really won’t change much considering it’ll still only be part time. Plus, I’d be getting a music degree. It’s not really a guaranteed career. As far as my line of work goes, there really isn’t any stability. And, going part time, it’ll take a while. I was ok with a long engagement, but it could be another 3 or 4 who knows.
He says that he’s excited to marry me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, so getting married is always gonna happen, the when isn’t important, so it can be put off until later. Kinda, “I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me I love you and will be with you forever.” I’m the opposite. I could never be just a girlfriend for 10+ years (no offense to anyone in that situation, everyone’s different and what works for some may not for others). I proposed to him, he said yes. I asked him when we talked when he would have proposed had I not beat him to the punch. He didn’t know. He had a ring (I recieved his mother’s wedding set), so saving up/picking one out wasn’t an issue, just timing. He didn’t know when he would have proposed!
He’s been talked down to “if you have a stable job, while finishing school, we’ll keep the date,” but he’s well aware that I won’t be happy with any sort of postponing. I’ve worked too hard putting this together to just shove it back. He doesn’t seem to realize that I can’t just put it on hold until he says yes or no to keeping our date. By then, the venues may be booked, we may not have time to get wedding party attire ordered, family may not be able to get flights. If we plan for our date, and he decides, “No, we aren’t stable enough yet,” we’ll have wasted a fair amount of money.
I told him that I can’t just wait with no timeline. He doesn’t need a timeline. It’ll happen eventually because he already knows we’ll spend forever together. I can’t do that. I need to know when he thinks we’ll be ready enough. I worry that it’ll go from, “you don’t have a stable job” to “we aren’t financially stable enough yet” to some other excuse to postpone. I’ve come to hate the word stable. I’ve always felt like there’s never a good time for a big life change, be that marriage or having a kid or changing careers. It’s one of those things where you jump in and make it work. He said himself that having the paper doesn’t really change anything. When I asked, if that’s the case, why put it off, he didn’t have an answer. Just, “because I don’t feel comfortable with it and you can’t make me walk down the aisle and say I do on that date if I don’t think we’re at a place to do so yet.”
Pisses me off. Ugh…