FI wants to start TTC this year and I'm terrified

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
1838 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@futuremrsk18:  While I don’t have the same feelings  b/c i’m a pediatric nurse/have a lot of experience with kids, i can tell you……. I don’t think the fears you are having are very uncommon.  People don’t just automatically know how to take care for a baby. There are classes you can take, family/friends who can help you, and youll just pick up a lot of things from experience, too.

Post # 4
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

@futuremrsk18:  I think your FI is correct in thinking that your anxiety, while understandable, isn’t a reason to hold off on TTC. I think your anxiety is the same kind of anxiety you experience when you are a first time parent. No one just knows when a baby should be fed solids. I’m a nanny, and I can barely understand what children are saying half the time they speak. You get used to the words and pronunciation of your own child over time. These are all things your pediatrician will work with you during your appointments. For example, at your baby’s six month appointment they will probably suggest starting solid foods.

Post # 5
2816 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It seems like there’s an underground mom network where other parents sort of make themselves available for advice and helpful hints and hand me downs. There are also plenty of books on the topic, like What To a Expect The First Year… And (embarrassing to admit, but) I have found a lot of helpful charts on Pinterest! Lol, I haven’t had a baby yet but just reading these makes me feel like “okay, I can probably do this.”

Also, just so you know, PCOS doesn’t always mean a long road to conception. I have it and got knocked up the first month we tried! 

Post # 7
6166 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

when i was 13 or 14, i visited a neighbor to se her and her newborn.  the baby was awake and i asked if i could hold it.  i picked up the baby out of the bassinet.

the mother looked shocked.  she told me i looked like a natural and asked me how i knew how to support the head, hold the baby, etc. 

i told her i babysat newborns and had been around kids.

her baby was the first baby she even held.  they had to teach her how to do everything in the hospital.

don’t let this stress you out.  there are plenty of books and ways you can gain practical experience.

Post # 8
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@futuremrsk18:  I’ll be honest...I still won’t hold anyone’s babies. I am 32 weeks pregnant, and I work at a clinic, so everyone that sees me is shoving babies in my face like I’m the glowy preggo woman who wants to hold them all the time. It’s quite the opposite actually. I want nothing to do with other people’s babies. I immediately tense up around babies and other people’s kids.

So why did I even get pregnant? Because the thought of having my own is beautiful. I’ve never changed a diaper, and I have maybe held a handful of kids. I have very minimal experience with kids, and other people’s younger kids irritate me. When they say, “Babwahla” I’m like, “WTF is he saying?” And the parent or even other people are like, “Oh he wants a bottle.” I don’t get it. I can’t talk to kids, I don’t even really know how to play with them without feeling weird.

Does any of this mean I am going to be a bad parents or not know what to do with my child? No. I honestly feel very confident in my ability to play and understand my own because I already do. You’d be surprised what actually being pregnant makes you go through mentally and emotionally. In my case, I started to really truly bond with him after I found out he was a boy. After all my instincts kicked in and as we get closer, I am planning out activites I already want to do with him.

Your feelings are normal, and it may be normal to have these even when you DO get pregnant. Whatever you do, NEVER feel guilty for any feelings you feel, good or bad. Just make sure you always talk to your doctor and you will be fine.

Post # 9
141 posts
Blushing bee

It might sound strange, but when I have flashes of the same type of thoughts I just try to remember that being a mother is something that has happened since the dawn of humans. If those women could raise babies with no doctors, books, classes, pre-made baby food and diapers – we can definitley raise a baby! 

Like other PP’s have said, there is a wealth of knowledge out there for us now! Go start reading! 

Post # 11
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@futuremrsk18:  I totally understand where you are coming from. I have moments of panic about the having a baby thing pretty regularly. I’m 23 and FI is 26, so we are waiting a while. I have PCOS as well, though, and do worry about fertility being an issue. I’ve been pretty open with my FI about:

(1) I might not want to ever have children.

(2) I may have a more difficult time getting pregnant. 

(3) I may actually have a preference for adoption. 

I’m terrified of pregnancy through the first five years. I’m worried about all of the complications that come with pregnancy and giving birth. I’m worried I’ll never get a moment to myself ever again. The thought of having a child terrifies me. There’s nothing wrong, OP, with just telling your FI that you don’t feel that you’ll be ready right then and ask if the subject can be revisited in a year. There’s nothing wrong with taking your time or just deciding that having a baby isn’t for you. 

Post # 12
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@futuremrsk18:  You’re book smart – so get some books! I know you are TTC yet but there’s no harm in reading up on things now is there?

It is always easier to understand your own child because you were around as they were learning to speak, so you pick up what their weird words mean.

Also, Pintrest and websites like Playathomemom have some fantastic ideas for how to play with your child, start reading/pinning now to give yourself a feeling of control and to slowly educate yourself.

Also remember that apart from the whole pregancy to birth part, everything happens pretty slowly with kids. They aren’t going to go from breast feeding to walking and talking the next day, you have time to adjust slowly.

And you know what? You WILL be a great mum, because you want to be a great one. 🙂

Post # 13
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@futuremrsk18:  Oh, and also, see if you can download the awesome shows from your childhood, like Winnie the Pooh (which is not on TV any more), Kim Possible, the Aladdin TV series, Farthing Wood – kids shows now are stupid but I can’t wait to rewatch these with my kids!

Post # 14
3623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@futuremrsk18:  You sound just like my in-laws, but in reverse. My darling father in law said “you know, raising kids is not rocket science. There is no right way or wrong way or owners manual. You will mess up and you will wish you did things differently, but you will never be ready or perfect.”. (Now read that quote again with the background that he is a rocket science and meant that it wasn’t easy like designing rockets ;-))

I am also book smart and not natural with kids. What I have done is the same approach I have taken with all of the scary stuff– a little to much wine to get me up to the challenge, then once I am committed, figure it out. Hang out with people with kids and figure out what worked for parents and kids. There is no right way or wrong way, but different parenting styles. Talk with your FI about what works with your style. 

If you can, start talking to your coworkers, SILs, sisters, and friends. Ask the stupid questions. You’ll learn so much from them. IT isn’t that scary (but I still plan to be a little tipsy the first time I don’t take birth control!)

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