Post # 1
Last night we were discussing what we will be doing the day of the wedding. I explain that I’ll be baking cupcakes and making fruit salad, in addition to decorating the church and the reception venue.
FI says: “I’m working until noon.” (our wedding is at 5 pm, with photos at the church at 4)
I was floored, and hurt. He seemed surprised at my reaction and told me I was over reacting.
Was I? How would you feel if your FI chose to work on your wedding day?
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
Try to take it lightly. This exact thing happened to me. Your wedding day is on a weekday. So is mine. Mr. Mary Jane told me he was planning to go to his morning classes on the day of our wedding. He won’t be going to work, but will be going to class. I was really surprised that he’d do that, but then I had to laugh a little: what’s he going to do otherwise??? Sit around and stare at my dad while my mom and I fuss over things like hair and wrinkles?
So, I told him he has my permission to “play hookie” for a day (it’s our WEDDING DAY!) but if he really doesn’t want to miss class, I’m OK with that too.
To take it in to context: I have acquaintances who went to the courthouse and got married on their lunch hour from work, picking up a bouquet and 2 witnesses along the way. Then they went back to work at the end of the day. I find that oddly romantic…
Post # 4
OK, so I too wouldn’t be so thrilled at all but honestly the guys don’t need that much time to get ready and at least this would give him something to do instead of sitting around.
My FI will be hanging out with his best friends before the wedding. Do your FI not have any groomsmen to “hang” out with?
So to answer your question…Are you overreacting? I say no but I also think you don’t need to waste your energy on this. You’ll have more things to worry about.
Post # 5
I can definitely understand your reaction, although I think Miss MJ has it right. Were you hoping that your FI would be helping with the details in some way? If you’re upset, tell him what you were hoping he’d be doing instead. If him working in the morning will help him from getting stressed or keep him busy, it may not be so bad.
Post # 6
I don’t think you should be hurt by it. Some people actually get relaxed after they work for part of the day. If it is going to keep him calm and content, I don’t see why its really a problem. Plus the wedding isn’t until 5, that’s plenty of time!
Post # 7
Haha….I was just talking to my FI about this the other day, because I had a co-worker who did this. My FI couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to work on the day of their wedding (he took two days off beforehand, too), but he’s been more involved in the planning details than a lot of grooms, so that might be part of it. I wouldn’t be too hurt, though. It might be his way of keeping busy so he doesn’t get too nervous that day. And really, it won’t take him too long to get ready 🙂
Post # 8
It’s hard when you get married on a Wednesday, I think… Is this a small intimate wedding? Is it an after work type affair? Are you forgoing the wedding party and other aspects of the traditional wedding? If so, then I think his plan is keeping in line with that type of atmosphere.
Were there specific tasks you envisioned him doing on the day of your wedding? You should definitely hash out those expectations now to see if they could happen with a half day of work in the mix.
I think the weekday wedding aspect of this makes it tough, but I wish you the best of luck!
Post # 9
I agree with MJ, take it lightly. If the wedding is during a week day and you weren’t planning on using his help along the day, don’t stress about it–you’ll have plenty of other things you’ll be worried about.
Post # 10
I would be upset as well, but at least he is hard working. Maybe after things cool down you can discuss with him how hurt you are. I tend to get my feelings hurt, and then blow up. If this is you maybe he is just trying to win the battle. I am sure he had second thoughts after you brought it up. I can always explain myself better when my emotions are not getting the better of me. He may think you are just being a stressed out bride.
Post # 11
My husband spent the morning going out to brunch with his father on the day of our wedding. The truth is that the groom is probably not going to need more than a few hours to get ready, and should be out of your hair while you and your bridesmaids are trying to get ready. I would suggest that he spend that time relaxing and being on standby in case there are any last minute emergencies that arise. He should be willing to leave work early (or not go at all) if there is anything you need him to do on your wedding day. But if he actually enjoys work, or if he needs something to do, it isn’t the worst plan as long as he has everything organized for the wedding.
Post # 12
We are getting married on a Wednesday evening. We are doing ALL of the work ourselves because it’s a work day. Our reception is at a public bar. We have to clean, scrub floors, rearrange tables on the inside of the bar, decorate, including draping fabric from the ceiling AND we have to make sure the patio area is cleaned and set up tables there. SO, I was planning on him being there, helping me do all this stuff.
I was hurt because He knew I expected this of him and he promised me that he would help, and that I would not have to do it alone, and that I would have time to go get that mani-pedi and have my hair done and “be a bride” Now I’m going to be doing it by myself, (have you ever tried to drape fabric from a 12 ft. celing by yourself?) in addition to cupcakes, food, picking up flowers and finding time to get myself ready. Talk about adding stress to my life!
Post # 13
I guess I should also add that he does hard physical labor in a very dirt environment, so he wil eed to get cleaned after work, and then again before he gets dressed for the wedding.
Post # 14
I’m sorry you are dealing with this. What line of work is your FI in that he can’t get the morning off? I’d probably hurt as well, but try not to let it drag you down too much, ok? Can you enlist any friends in helping you with the reception?
Post # 15
If that’s the case, I would sit down and talk to him and explain how much you were expecting him to be there to help you. Hopefully he can take the day off and help you take care of all of those things.
Post # 16
I wouldn’t be thrilled, but it’s better than him sitting around bored. It would be NICE if he’d help, but if he can’t get off work or that would stress you out too much, then it’s probably the best thing he could be doing.