(Closed) FI wants to work half day the morning of our wedding. I was hurt.

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

Try to take it lightly. This exact thing happened to me. Your wedding day is on a weekday. So is mine. Mr. Mary Jane told me he was planning to go to his morning classes on the day of our wedding. He won’t be going to work, but will be going to class. I was really surprised that he’d do that, but then I had to laugh a little: what’s he going to do otherwise??? Sit around and stare at my dad while my mom and I fuss over things like hair and wrinkles?

So, I told him he has my permission to “play hookie” for a day (it’s our WEDDING DAY!) but if he really doesn’t want to miss class, I’m OK with that too.

To take it in to context: I have acquaintances who went to the courthouse and got married on their lunch hour from work, picking up a bouquet and 2 witnesses along the way. Then they went back to work at the end of the day. I find that oddly romantic…

Post # 4
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

OK, so I too wouldn’t be so thrilled at all but honestly the guys don’t need that much time to get ready and at least this would give him something to do instead of sitting around.

My FI will be hanging out with his best friends before the wedding. Do your FI not have any groomsmen to “hang” out with?

So to answer your question…Are you overreacting? I say no but I also think you don’t need to waste your energy on this. You’ll have more things to worry about.

Post # 5
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I can definitely understand your reaction, although I think Miss MJ has it right.  Were you hoping that your FI would be helping with the details in some way?  If you’re upset, tell him what you were hoping he’d be doing instead.  If him working in the morning will help him from getting stressed or keep him busy, it may not be so bad. 

Post # 6
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think you should be hurt by it. Some people actually get relaxed after they work for part of the day. If it is going to keep him calm and content, I don’t see why its really a problem. Plus the wedding isn’t until 5, that’s plenty of time!

Post # 7
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Haha….I was just talking to my FI about this the other day, because I had a co-worker who did this. My FI couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to work on the day of their wedding (he took two days off beforehand, too), but he’s been more involved in the planning details than a lot of grooms, so that might be part of it. I wouldn’t be too hurt, though. It might be his way of keeping busy so he doesn’t get too nervous that day. And really, it won’t take him too long to get ready 🙂

Post # 8
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

It’s hard when you get married on a Wednesday, I think…  Is this a small intimate wedding?  Is it an after work type affair?  Are you forgoing the wedding party and other aspects of the traditional wedding?  If so, then I think his plan is keeping in line with that type of atmosphere. 

Were there specific tasks you envisioned him doing on the day of your wedding?  You should definitely hash out those expectations now to see if they could happen with a half day of work in the mix.

I think the weekday wedding aspect of this makes it tough, but I wish you the best of luck!

Post # 9
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree with MJ, take it lightly. If the wedding is during a week day and you weren’t planning on using his help along the day, don’t stress about it–you’ll have plenty of other things you’ll be worried about.

Post # 10
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

 I would be upset as well, but at least he is hard working. Maybe after things cool down you can discuss with him how hurt you are. I tend to get my feelings hurt, and then blow up. If this is you maybe he is just trying to win the battle. I am sure he had second thoughts after you brought it up. I can always explain myself better when my emotions are not getting the better of me. He may think you are just being a stressed out bride.

Post # 11
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

My husband spent the morning going out to brunch with his father on the day of our wedding.  The truth is that the groom is probably not going to need more than a few hours to get ready, and should be out of your hair while you and your bridesmaids are trying to  get ready.  I would suggest that he spend that time relaxing and being on standby in case there are any last minute emergencies that arise.  He should be willing to leave work early (or not go at all) if there is anything you need him to do on your wedding day.  But if he actually enjoys work, or if he needs something to do, it isn’t the worst plan as long as he has everything organized for the wedding.

Post # 14
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry you are dealing with this.  What line of work is your FI in that he can’t get the morning off?   I’d probably hurt as well, but try not to let it drag you down too much, ok?  Can you enlist any friends in helping you with the reception?

Post # 15
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

If that’s the case, I would sit down and talk to him and explain how much you were expecting him to be there to help you. Hopefully he can take the day off and help you take care of all of those things. 

Post # 16
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I wouldn’t be thrilled, but it’s better than him sitting around bored.  It would be NICE if he’d help, but if he can’t get off work or that would stress you out too much, then it’s probably the best thing he could be doing.

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