FI works long hours

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1996 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You’re not asking for too much. Fi works 17ish hours a day sometimes he knows to shoot me a text or call when he has down time. Also when he gets home we make an effort to do something together even if it’s just discussing our day while having a little snack. Or watch a show. On a day when he gets home after I’ve gone to bed we make sure to make time the next day. It’s definitely tough if you don’t live together.  Requires a little more effort. But you’re should be worth the effort. I’d sit down & talk to him about finding some time in your schedules for eachother.  Even if its just a quick lunch and try to squeeze a call or text in throughout the day. 

Post # 4
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sure over time once his business has established, things will be better.  In the meantime, can you guys designate certain days you will hang out? Planning time to talk on the phone or skype if you can’t see each other is an option, too.  It stinks not being able to be spontaneous but it’s important that your needs are being met – even if it means scheduling time for dates/sex/etc.

Post # 5
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m in the same situation. We just bought a house and he hasn’t even been in it hardly at all and it will take us weeks/months to move in since he’s always working. He works from 6am-9pm many days and it is so frustrating. He’s a farmer so I know that’s how it is every spring and fall, especially this year with late planting. Honestly I just gave up and don’t expect any interaction during this times which sucks and I know it will always be like this. I’d say talk to him about it but he may be upset with you for not understanding. He should make time to call at least once or twice throughout a day so that is not unreasonable. At least make sure he’s aware of your feelings and if nothing changes then that’s how it will probably always be.

Post # 6
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My FI works very long hours too but fortunately it is temporary. He’s doing 80+ hours a week at the minute and is exhausted. He has no choice but to work these hours and while I miss him, I appreciate the reasons why he has to do it. I try to make his life easier by doing the chores and cooking dinner, which he appreciates. We haven’t had time to do anything particularly special together for the last 3 months or so, as he only get one day off a week and is too exhausted to do much. Instead, we’ve rented some movies, had a take away, etc. – things that are nice little treats but don’t require too much energy! We’re looking forward to being able to spend more time together in another month or so. We’re both pretty fed up with how things are at the minute but you’ve just got to put up with it and figure out how to cope. He’s too tired to go to a restaurant so we get a take away. He wants to be at home after being out all day so we watch a movie on the TV rather than going to the cinema. You don’t have to give up doing things you like, just figure out ways of doing them differently.

Spend more time with your friends and ask your FI to set aside a day for you every other weekend if he can where he doesn’t have to work and you can do something nice.

Post # 7
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

DH works really long hours in spurts throughout the year and it sucks for us, too.  (We also don’t live together.  Long story there!) I’d talk to him but understand that he might be too exhausted to process what you said without getting defensive.  DH was defensive at first about working and that I should have been understanding that he working hard for us but it doesn’t hurt to text/call for a minute.  I agree with other PPs about spending a little bit differently.  On weeks DH is tied up with work, I try to make it an easy night to spend some QT.  

Post # 8
504 posts
Busy bee

I’m in the same situation. My FI works 12 hour shifts overnight. He’s busy a lot of the time so he doesn’t often have time to shoot a text or call me. He’ll go through spurts where he’s good with it (I need communication when we’re apart) and then times when he’s not. It’s not fun, but that’s the way it is.

Post # 9
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I know what you mean!

I work a normal work day (8am-5pm) but FI works from 9am-9pm MWF, 9am-11pm TTH and 9am-7pm on Saturday.

It’s really hard not getting to see him as much as I would like, plus it’s been hard to do things like register for the wedding.

I actually used to get up at 5:30 and work out but I switched to working out in the evening so that I could stay up until at least 11 and get to see him for a little while before bed. I will typically have dinner ready for him so that he can eat and we can just cuddle and watch a short TV show.

On Sunday’s though, he’s all mine and I make sure I use every second of it!

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