Fiance bought a house, without my input.

posted 1 week ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Another vote for “hell no”. I’d be done. He is not a partner, he’s just some guy looking out for himself. 

Post # 47
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

He doesn’t seem committed to a future with you. Do you think it’s possible that he’s planning to leave you? Seems like he’s getting his ducks in a row before he breaks up with you. Sorry, bee… But you’d probably be better off without a partner who cares so little about your feelings/input anyway…

Post # 48
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I hope the update is that you left him! 

Post # 49
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Major. Red. Flag. Buying a house is a massive decision and it’s incredibly shady of him to be sneaking around and having everything in his name. Turn and walk away. 

Post # 50
Member
207 posts
Helper bee

NOPE your way out of this relationship

Post # 51
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

yeaaaaaah.. this would make me pump the breaks real fast.

Post # 52
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Having a really hard time coming up with valid justifications in my head for his actions.  I’d get to the bottom of it, quickly, and engage the people in your life you are close with in case you need to lean on them in the future should you find that his actions are nefarious.  At the very least, his presentation is not impressive, and communication is something he will need to invest time into improving risk losing your trust in him permanently (if it is not already too late). 

Post # 53
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Your engaged, but no date has been set. He’s making lasting future decisions without you. I’m getting the vibe that he proposed to stall you and is not ready to commit. 

Post # 54
Member
634 posts
Busy bee

Umm no. Not okay.

Post # 55
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

This man is not ready for marriage. Marriage means you collaborate on almost everything. I would not want to partner up with someone where my input means ZERO. You are going to feel very alone never being valued. 

I work with alot of ladies. I asked a happily married woman lately what the key is to her successful 20 year marriage. She said “we never spend more than $500 without checking in with each other first” I think that’s respect right there. 

At best your FI is a moron at worst he’s gearing up to leave you. I’m sorry this is happening to you. If I were you I would be getting my ducks in a row to protect myself financially and otherwise. 

Post # 56
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t know. I kind of disagree with some of the other comments. While I do think he is being unreasonable by not discussing this with you and I do think you need to sit down and have a good discussion about it. I don’t think you have to break off your engagement based on this information alone. My husband and I very much kept everything separate until a few months of being married. We got engaged at 24, still quite young, and we pretty much kept everything separate until we were about 27 after getting married at 26. Then it just happened naturally where everything became ours and it was no longer “your account, my account, my house, your house, my money, your money”. Now at as 30 and after 4 years of marriage it just feels natural for everything to be “ours” where as before I didn’t. I definitely think take on board what everyone has said. You don’t have to set a date just because your engaged. You’re allowed to be just engaged for as long as you both want. 

Post # 57
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

cathiemaney :  They live together. He bought a house without her. Would you have been ok if your fiance bought a house & moved out without consulting you? You think this is something she should just ignore? She’ll be living in their apartment by herself if she doesn’t follow him to HIS new house. 

Post # 58
Member
1984 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I actually have a coworker who lives in a house her husband bought without her. I assure you their marriage is not one to emulate. 

Please reconsider this relationship. I fear that you will try to overlook this house-buying nonsense because you don’t want to break up, and moving into a house seems like the easier, better choice. But this is not about the house, it is about his character. He has an utter disregard for you, your relationship, and the future of your relationship. You are not his partner. And if you marry him, you will be entering a marriage filled to the brim with situations just like this one, because he is not going to change. 

Post # 59
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

cathiemaney :  I really don’t see any of this being a problem stemming from keeping finances separate, god knows a massive percentage of the bee are adamantly against buying a house with someone until marriage and plenty of couples keep finances separate after marriage.  The problem here is OPs fiancé didn’t include her in a single part of the process, so either he wants her to move out of their home and into a house he bought but hasn’t even let her see or he doesn’t want her to live in the new house at all, neither of those scenarios are very positive.

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