I absolutely love my fiance. When he proposed I was impressed with how beautiful the engagement ring was but noticed it had a lot of scratches :-(. It's 14k gold. I asked him if he bought it at a store and he said "yes". Then a week later he confessed he bought it from a girl whose fiance bought it from the store. He said the girl wore it for a year and things just didn't work out with the guy she was with. The girl he bought them off of gave him the recepits etc.
I was upset he lied. I'm not sure if I'm too happy having a second hand ring though. It'd be different if it were passed down from family.
The rings don't fit me so we're getting them resized soon. I feel as though I sound like an ungrateful person but to be honest he is pretty frugal. Last year for my birthday he bought me used "like new" running shoes off e-bay. Also he's given me jewelry that was meant for his ex which I found out about later and gave back to him because I was hurt. I know he definitely bought the bridal set of rings for me though. It's on his e-bay history and he never planned on proposing to his ex.
Am I being too snobby and should I just be happy with the used bridal set my fiance bought me? I am grateful, I just don't know how I feel about wearing used rings! Oh btw we both have great jobs and money isn't a problem. He's just super frugal which is understanding but when it comes to a wedding ring I wasn't impressed. It has nothing to do with the size of the ring, I would be happy with something smaller etc or even no diamonds at all. I just don't like how they are used.
Thanks for listening...
When you get them resized, maybe you can get them polished and they'll look like new?
To be honest, sometimes buying a used ring is the smart thing to do! The resale value on diamonds is pretty crappy. It's kinda like a used car - as soon as you take it out of the shop, you can take 20% off the resale value straight away. So, in some ways, it's much better to pick up a quality ring for a lot cheaper second hand than it is to buy it brand new.
Is it possible to get it cleaned up so the scratches are gone?
@weddingadvice99: Ugh I feel for you. I think that he should have gotten the hint when the other gifts didn't fly.
You're handling this better than I would. I wouldn't wear them. And he lied to you... not good.
Do you find that his cheapness causes other relationship issues? Is he like this with everything? In some cases being with someone who is cheap/mean w. money is almost as bad as being with someone who spends way over his means. Do you get to do things that you want or does he nix everything? You know... eating out, vacations, buying new things for your home, etc.
I'd feel insulted if my SO had the money to buy me something new but didn't... especially after I expressed my thoughts on the used sneakers etc. I know some people are ok with second hand stuff and that's fine.. it's the fact that you're NOT ok with it that's the problem. Can you talk to him about it? Like make him see your point of view?
i don't think jewelry with bad history behind it should be regifted, but i'm superstitious.
@LMD84: I know, that's what I thought lol... to the original poster: there are 2 threads currently going on where ladies are at war on a similar issue so be warned you might not get the nicest responses.
@Eckle: I was going to say the same thing...that may do the trick, bringing back the original luster!
OP, I don't really know what else to say, except I'm sorry you feel like you aren't really getting the ring you deserve. :( BTW, did you accept the "like new" sneakers? Blech... Oh, and good for giving back jewelry he picked out for his ex, double blech!
If you don't like it, send it to me!
Seriously, though, what if you took out the stones, melted the gold, and got it reshaped into something new? Then it would be YOUR ring, made with recycled materials.
@weddingadvice99: I think something like this should have been discused or disclosed to you right away. I personally would be okay with a "used" ring as long as I saw it before hand and loved it and was "in on it". If I was okay with it and gave him the go ahead, no problem. But to lie about it would make me mad. It's not the fact that it's used that bothers me it's the fact that he felt he had to lie about it. He should have said "listen, I obviously wanted this to be a surprise but this is what I was thinking....."
I'm sorry, but he doesn't sound frugal, he sounds cheap. No offense, but to me there's a difference. There's a difference when you buy someone a gift, especially one as important as a proposal. It's one thing if you said you needed new shoes and he said, ok let's get you a pair off ebay because we can get a good deal, but it's quite another to buy you used shoes as a birthday gift. Considering money is the number one reason for divorce, you need to find out if the two of you can live on the say financial wavelength before it continues...
@weddingadvice99: If it's 14k white gold, it will need to be rhodium plated in the future to keep it white.
There's nothing wrong with a "second hand" ring. The intent of marriage is still there. Also, given his history, it shouldn't surprise you.
I think if you like the ring, and it can be cleaned up nicely there shouldnt be a problem.
I would definitely have it taken in for some refurbishing for the scratches. And tell him buying used shoes is just WEIRD. Better he just cook you a lovely dinner--you can be frugal and avoid being "cheap", it may just require more effort. So I'd be annoyed about the pattern of behavior.
Why do you have to concentrate on the fact that the ring is "used" and not the fact that he saw a ring he liked and bought it for you? Does it matter where it comes from?
Frugality does play a part in this -- rings are expensive.
There can be health issues with "used shoes", so I can understand your woes on that, but this is just a tiny bit of metal that is meant to be pretty on your finger and display your love to the world. Why does it have to be brand spankin' new? That doesn't mean he loves you any less, you know.
@throughthebarricades: Thanks for the heads up and advice! I'm not trying to have a war just want to get others opinions. :) Thank you!
@babecake: +1!
You did say you were "impressed with how beautiful the engagement ring was"..
I think everyone is different. Only you can decide if you are ok with it. If you want it melted down and reshaped, or even just re-dipped to get rid of scratches.. I don't know what they dip it in (if it's white gold) but my jeweller told me to have mine dipped every 6 months to a year to freshen it up and get rid of scratches. It costs $30-$50.
If you know deep down tho that you'll always be disappointed with it, then you should tell him. Just tell him you appreciate the gesture and that he spent $ on it, but that you feel like he didn't put in the serious thought and effort into picking something just for you, unique for you.. That you appreciate his cost-conscious ways most of the time, but that your ring was something that should've been an exception, where saving a few bucks wasn't the important issue.
If it were me, I think if we hadn't discussed it before hand I would be pretty disappointed in it. I'd have a hard time telling him that, but I think I would need to change it somehow and I would tell him why
Personally, I would not care because 14k gold is pretty expensive. However, seeing as how this is something that he has done often, if I were you, I would certainly expect him to get you original rings because you have made it clear over time that you are not a fan of hand-me-downs. That's perfectly fine, not everyone has the same tastes or ideals but especially for your wedding ring, I think many women would be upset if their man got it on ebay after some chick had worn it for a year and it was all scratched up. When you get it resized, definitely get it polished and fixed up but also sometimes when rings have to get resized, the stones sometimes have to get moved or sometimes they want to replace stones so maybe once all of that happens, you will feel better about it.
Did you try talking to him about it? Tell him you understand being frugal and wanting to save money but that you were expecting a little something different.
I can understand your mixed emotions. On one hand you are excited to be engaged and on the other disappointed (a feeling you wouldn't expect to have once you got engaged).
As you mentioned you are in love and are happy with your fiance. I guess you need to try and find the positive side of the situation and focus on the fact your are engaged and about to share a life together! I can only imagine the disappointment but at the end of the day you can't change what has happened.
I agree with the comment above, maybe the way to look at this situation is that once you get the ring re-set then it will be yours! Maybe you can even have the design altered a little bit to reflect your personality!
Try not let to let it get to you. You must admit it is a story you will tell for years! Just warn him now though - no more second hand gifts 
@Eckle: Yes you're right. I think polishing them would help. Thank you
@LadyElva: Yes you're completely right. I understand the logic in it. Just still a little hurt/upset but trying to stop being such a spoiled brat at the same time. I doubt polishing the rings would get all the scratches out, maybe a few :/
@throughthebarricades: To be honest my fiance and I are both frugal. We eat out sometimes, only when we have coupons, and we save most of our money for travelling. :) I was just upset the ring was scratched and worn for a year etc. The diamonds aren't very big, and to be honest you could buy one on the internet for the same price (just not the same design). I guess I am just surprised. We are looking at wedding bands for him. In the beginning he said "I just want a 5 mm gold band" but I suggested looking at all different kinds of bands because it's a ring he'll wear for the rest of his life. So far we've been to about 5 different jewelry shops and ordered 3 wedding bands with diamonds for him online. I'm sure he'll pick out a ring with diamonds now and I'm happy to buy him what he likes.
@prisigtr: thanks for your advice and reply. yes I accepted the running shoes. We cleaned them really well haha. I wear them to the gym. I was very upset about the jewelry he gave me meant for his ex though. Still having a hard time getting over that!
@EffieTrinket: good idea will have to look into how much that costs! Thanks
@babecake: it's yellow gold. and you're right it shouldn't surprise me 
@lstyle25: yes before I saw the scratches and found out a girl wore it for a year :/
In saying this... if it's getting to you so much, talk to him about it... He should understand how you are feeling... you don't want this to be an issue for the years to come... Id you want a new ring (he should accept your decision)... You are not being spolit little brat - i guess a wedding ring is the time you get spolit!
My engagement ring is 80 years old and I love it! Nothing wrong with wearing used jewelry. Plus you are giving those rings a second chance at true love! Your fiancé shouldn't have lied to you though. And believe me, I understand people’s weird stigma with used things. We have this perception that newer is always better. We like that brand new, crisp, right-out-of-the-box feeling. I get that. But I noticed that you said your first impression was that you thought the ring was beautiful. Try to remember how you felt when you first saw it before you found out that it was previously owned. And remember, at the end of the day – it’s just stuff, and stuff only has meaning which we artificially ascribe to it.
@Miss Camel: you're very wise and making me feel better haha thank you.
@Booknerd: Yeah I did try talking to him about it. I told him I liked the rings because he picked them out and anything I picked out wouldn't be as special. But the more I think about it I wonder if he really took the time lol and think it's pretty lame they've been used and scratched up. Especially after looking at prices online, I could get a ring for fairly cheap, even cheaper than what he paid for my bridal set on ebay. Also we've been looking at wedding bands for him and he's picking and choosing what he likes best (with diamonds) so i feel a little leftout.
Did he actually get a good deal on the rings, or assume it was good because they were second-hand?
Since you like the style of the rings, I think it's ok as long as he actually got a good deal for what they are. If you could've had one just as nice and brand new for the same price, I'd be upset.
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