I absolutely love my fiance. When he proposed I was impressed with how beautiful the engagement ring was but noticed it had a lot of scratches . It’s 14k gold. I asked him if he bought it at a store and he said “yes”. Then a week later he confessed he bought it from a girl whose fiance bought it from the store. He said the girl wore it for a year and things just didn’t work out with the guy she was with. The girl he bought them off of gave him the recepits etc.
I was upset he lied. I’m not sure if I’m too happy having a second hand ring though. It’d be different if it were passed down from family.
The rings don’t fit me so we’re getting them resized soon. I feel as though I sound like an ungrateful person but to be honest he is pretty frugal. Last year for my birthday he bought me used “like new” running shoes off e-bay. Also he’s given me jewelry that was meant for his ex which I found out about later and gave back to him because I was hurt. I know he definitely bought the bridal set of rings for me though. It’s on his e-bay history and he never planned on proposing to his ex.
Am I being too snobby and should I just be happy with the used bridal set my fiance bought me? I am grateful, I just don’t know how I feel about wearing used rings! Oh btw we both have great jobs and money isn’t a problem. He’s just super frugal which is understanding but when it comes to a wedding ring I wasn’t impressed. It has nothing to do with the size of the ring, I would be happy with something smaller etc or even no diamonds at all. I just don’t like how they are used.
Thanks for listening…
When you get them resized, maybe you can get them polished and they’ll look like new?
Oh, good luck with this post.
To be honest, sometimes buying a used ring is the smart thing to do! The resale value on diamonds is pretty crappy. It’s kinda like a used car – as soon as you take it out of the shop, you can take 20% off the resale value straight away. So, in some ways, it’s much better to pick up a quality ring for a lot cheaper second hand than it is to buy it brand new.
Is it possible to get it cleaned up so the scratches are gone?
@weddingadvice99: Ugh I feel for you. I think that he should have gotten the hint when the other gifts didn’t fly.
You’re handling this better than I would. I wouldn’t wear them. And he lied to you… not good.
Do you find that his cheapness causes other relationship issues? Is he like this with everything? In some cases being with someone who is cheap/mean w. money is almost as bad as being with someone who spends way over his means. Do you get to do things that you want or does he nix everything? You know… eating out, vacations, buying new things for your home, etc.
I’d feel insulted if my SO had the money to buy me something new but didn’t… especially after I expressed my thoughts on the used sneakers etc. I know some people are ok with second hand stuff and that’s fine.. it’s the fact that you’re NOT ok with it that’s the problem. Can you talk to him about it? Like make him see your point of view?
i don’t think jewelry with bad history behind it should be regifted, but i’m superstitious.
@LMD84: I know, that’s what I thought lol… to the original poster: there are 2 threads currently going on where ladies are at war on a similar issue so be warned you might not get the nicest responses.
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
@Eckle: I was going to say the same thing…that may do the trick, bringing back the original luster!
OP, I don’t really know what else to say, except I’m sorry you feel like you aren’t really getting the ring you deserve. :( BTW, did you accept the “like new” sneakers? Blech… Oh, and good for giving back jewelry he picked out for his ex, double blech!
If you don’t like it, send it to me!
Seriously, though, what if you took out the stones, melted the gold, and got it reshaped into something new? Then it would be YOUR ring, made with recycled materials.
He bought you used shoes?
@weddingadvice99: I think something like this should have been discused or disclosed to you right away. I personally would be okay with a “used” ring as long as I saw it before hand and loved it and was “in on it”. If I was okay with it and gave him the go ahead, no problem. But to lie about it would make me mad. It’s not the fact that it’s used that bothers me it’s the fact that he felt he had to lie about it. He should have said “listen, I obviously wanted this to be a surprise but this is what I was thinking…..”
I’m sorry, but he doesn’t sound frugal, he sounds cheap. No offense, but to me there’s a difference. There’s a difference when you buy someone a gift, especially one as important as a proposal. It’s one thing if you said you needed new shoes and he said, ok let’s get you a pair off ebay because we can get a good deal, but it’s quite another to buy you used shoes as a birthday gift. Considering money is the number one reason for divorce, you need to find out if the two of you can live on the say financial wavelength before it continues…
@weddingadvice99: If it’s 14k white gold, it will need to be rhodium plated in the future to keep it white.
There’s nothing wrong with a “second hand” ring. The intent of marriage is still there. Also, given his history, it shouldn’t surprise you.
I think if you like the ring, and it can be cleaned up nicely there shouldnt be a problem.
I would definitely have it taken in for some refurbishing for the scratches. And tell him buying used shoes is just WEIRD. Better he just cook you a lovely dinner–you can be frugal and avoid being “cheap”, it may just require more effort. So I’d be annoyed about the pattern of behavior.