Fiance broke off the engagement 2x, wants to stay together, does this ever work?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
5763 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m not sure what to say, other than, what makes you want to even be with this guy? If he’s nit-picking even the softness of your hands and can’t think of any better reasons to stay with you other than back rubs and cooking for him, it doesn’t sound much like a rewarding relationship.  What do you actually get out of the relationship? Or is it just fear of change/the unknown of a life without him that make you want to try again?


Post # 6
4134 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Let this guy go. Nothing about who you are matters as long as you’re with a guy who only wants to pick you apart. This is not they guy for you. He does not appreciate you, care about you, love you or anything. He does not even respect you. That much is clear. 

Let him GO. 

He’s keeping you around because he can. He gets to have you cook, clean and rub his back without the commitment and things you want. 

He would break your heart twice because he doesn’t actually care about you at all. 

Why would you want it to work out with someone who so clearly does not care about you at all? 

Post # 7
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

He sounds incredibly immature and it sounds like you haven’t realized that you are in a toxic relationship with some one who’s nitpicky and can’t properly value you. 


It’s going to take time to move on but I think eventually you will feel as if you dodged a bullet!!

Post # 9
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@AshlingStone:  In all honesty I think the odds of this situation having a happy ending are slim to none.

I suspect the reason he wants to stay on the relationship is as simple as he’s comfortable.  He’s content to stay with you, let you pay more than your fair share of the bills and blame you for what he doesn’t like about his life.

I suspect that’s why you stay as well because it sure doesn’t sound like this guy is particularly nice to you. Do you really think you would be happy being married to him?

I think you should consider cutting your losses and ask him to move out. You, your dignity as a woman, are worth more than being a place holder in his life. He’s not committed to you.

Post # 10
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@AshlingStone:  It sounds like he doesn’t want to be with you, but he’s also not ready to completely let you go. Honestly, I’m not sure why you want to be with him, either. He loves you because you cook and clean and rub his back? I’m sorry, but fuck that.

Post # 11
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Sweetie, if you have to ask your boyfriend to make a list of the things he loves about you, I think this relationship is doomed. Move on.

Post # 12
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I agree with PP. Let him go. 

Post # 14
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’m sorry you are feeling so down but I think you need to use this time as a wake up call. You need some one who will love you no matter what even if you do get rough hands. I’m sorry to say this but this guy sound like he still has lots of growing up to do.  He is using you to pay his bills and most of his rent and he won’t even discuss how much money he has. You guys should be a team even if you don’t share money you should be able to ask about each other’s money. If all he loves about you is you can and cook and clean and rub his back, then all he needs is a maid and to get a weekly massage.

You deserve someone who loves you because you are the most inportant person in their life. You need someone who puts you first in all things. Someone who can’t wait for you to get home or can’t wait to get home to you.  Realationships should not be one sided.  I think this is you lucky chance to get away from this guy. He does not deserve to have you and by leaving him you will find some one who does. 

Post # 15
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

If you need to do an analysis like this, he probably isn’t the one for you. He sounds quite immature, and honestly it sounds like he likes to have someone around, but isn’t particularly ga-ga over you, and is not ready to marry you.


He’s said some pretty hurtful things.


I hate to say this, but your age difference is already showing. Some will disagree with me, but the woman being several years older, especially with a guy who is already calling you ‘not cool’ is a disaster.


You want someone who values you more. He dumped you twice for BS reasons. He sounds like my ex, honestly. After 5 years I got sick of making excuses for him and left him for good (we had multiple breakups). My FI treats me much better.


Post # 16
4134 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@AshlingStone:  Of course he wants to cuddle. He wants to keep giving you hope that this will get better so you don’t leave. It’s a control thing. He knows he can keep stringing you along, so he does. 

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