Fiancé broke up with me, I'm devastated! :(

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2134 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

honeybeh:  Honestly, why would you want to get back together with this guy? He sounds like a total jerk.

If someone breaks up with you because you’re not “domestic” enough, that person is probably a sexist jackass who doesn’t deserve you anyway. Why doesn’t he have to cook for you? This would be a deal breaker for me, and I would have been the one who initiated the breakup in the first place.

I know it’s hard and that you still love him, but I promise you, you’ll be better off in the long run. Find someone who appreciates you for who you are, not for who they want you to be.

Post # 3
Member
2519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

honeybeh:  You should never try to change who you are for someone. Take some time, cancel your vendors, and then work on finding someone who loves you for exactly who you are.

However, is there a reason you dont drive? Maybe some time alone will help you become self sufficient.

Either way. I think this relationship is over. Cancel the vendors, find some closure , and move on.

Post # 4
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

honeybeh:  Sounds like he wants a mother, not a wife.  

You didn’t try hard enough to be what he needs?  I don’t even know what to say to that!! 

Honestly hun, it sounds like you dodged a bullet.  

Post # 5
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Let me get this straight, he doesn’t want to marry you because you don’t cook enough and can’t drive yourself places? I just want to be clear because if that’s why he won’t marry you then I would think he is doing you a favor. Does he want a wife or a cook? Sounds like your ex fiancé needs a house keeper, not a spouse.

Post # 6
Member
481 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I am really sorry this has happened but I kind of feel like he is a jerk.  He broke up with you for not being domestic enough and y’all have never lived together.  How does he really know?  I think that is way too controlling and honestly I know it is hard to see this now but he may have done you a favor.  

Now, can you work this out?  Maybe.  But think long and hard and look at the relationship and see if you want to.  Was he controlling in other areas?  Is he just not ready to get married?  I wonder if there are some underlying issues that he just isn’t saying.  Good luck and know that it will be okay!!

Post # 7
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

It sounds like there is more going on regarding his end and the cooking/driving thing is masking his real reasons. Otherwise, your efforts would have made a difference to him. Either way, he has made it clear he doesn’t want to get married. I know it’s devstating to you (been through a failed engagement myself), but everything happens for a reason and there will be a guy out there who will appreciate you for who you are, without asking you to change. ::HUGS:

Post # 8
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee

 

honeybeh:  It sounds like there was more here. I think he had other things going on in his head, no way would someone breal up with their fiance just over this? I am sure there were other things that maybe he didn’t express to you…

In any case, you deserve someone who will come to you with issues and resolve to working on them together rather than bringing it up when they have decided it is too late to do anything and checked out. You need someone who views you as an equal and he obviously didnt. 

If hasnt made any efforts to contact you or apologize – i think it might be time to move on. It will be tough, but you eventually will find someone who will never want to give you up. 

Post # 9
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I don’t think he wants to get married. Kind of feels like he’s using all these other excuses instead of saying how he really feels. You should take some time to yourself and move on;aybe this is God’s way of showing he’s not the one. if you guys end up getting married things may only get worse don’t fight for someone who’s not willing to fight for you.

Post # 10
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

honeybeh:  Being someone’s wife is not something you try-out for, and/or need to prove!!  It is not a role in a play.  Being someone’s wife is something agreed upong, because you mutually share love, respect, support, an equally put in an effort into a relationship you both find important.  

I applaude you for making an effort when he communicated things he needs, BUT a need is not having a partner cook, or clean…that falls under a desire.  And, from there, if the partner tries to appease that desire, then it appreciating the effort and not askign for more, or better.  

I know it is hard, but I hope you understand that YOU deserve better.  

Post # 11
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

There’s probably something else going on. Is he depressed or anxious because of the job problems? Either that or the trust issues you mentioned. Or something else.

I think the self-sufficiency / domestic skills thing might be, let’s say, a concern for him, but I doubt it was the reason for the breakup.

Post # 12
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

People only live together and start “wifey behaviors” after marriage?

 

Not always or usually the case anymore. 

And it sounds like he has been clear about what he needs in a relationship, and wasn’t getting it. 

So, it spunds like it’s for the best, and you will find someone whose expectations match what you are willing to put forth. 

Post # 13
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

honeybeh:  I am so very sorry you are going through this situation. It sounds like he is just giving u an excuse. His reasoning can’t be the  reason for the break up because you were actually trying to meet his demands. If he couldn’t see that you love him enough to put effort in trying to make the relationship work then he isn’t the one for you.

Post # 14
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

I am not trying to play devils advocate but there are 2 things that really stood out to me, that some clarification would be helpful…. During the time he lost his job what did you do to support him? And why after your last fight did you start working on being more independent instead of when he first brought it up? 

And people don’t only live together after marriage and start “wifely” duties. I have been with my FI for four years and when we first started dating and if he had a stressful day I would go over to his house and cook dinner for him. Even now after living together and even though we split all the household chores, if he is stressing about $ or a hard day I step up and do the chores and have dinner waiting for him. It’s not about being “wifely” but being the support he needs during that time.

Mind you it also seems like there is some communication issues within the relationship. And he might be waiting to see if you are continuing this path of independence. I have a friend who doesn’t drive for personal reasons, but he never relied on his FI (Now wife) for transporation and still does not. He takes public transportation or cabs as a way to get around. I can’t imagine the strain to be relied on as my FI transportation and also woring about finances and other life things….

I am not trying to be mean, but to maybe see from a different perspective.

Post # 15
Member
4147 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time with this.  I know it’s hard to see now, but it’s probably going to be the best decision to not marry this man.  If those are his actual reasons for not wanting to be with you, he’s a jerk.  I would not have a husband if he was basing our marriage on me doing “wifey” things because I don’t cook and I hate cleaning and leave it for as long as possible lol.  Anyway, take some time, and find yourself a man who appreciates and loves you for what you do and don’t do.  Big hugs.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors