Post # 1
I am so frustrated!
We got engaged almost two weeks ago and are on the hunt for a reception venue. I found two places that I am really crazy about. Fiance also thinks they’re great after looking at pictures. We’re getting married next summer and they’re already booking up pretty fast. We planned to look at the venues today with his mom, but he can’t get off work! Since it is wedding season, most of the venues are booked on the weekends so we can’t look at them when they’re setting up. Fiance works 7am-whenever (usually between 4 and 6pm). His mom works at a hospital, usually 4 days a week from 7am-7pm. Any my schedule is a little crazy (grad school, yay!- not) to say the least. Anywho.. fiance can’t really take half days or leave early from his job (tree work). Should I just look at the venues with his mom? I mean, I know he trusts me, and I don’t really care how involved he is in the planning as long as he agrees with what I want 🙂 I care most that his mom is there, since she’s been involved with multiple weddings and knows about how much space we will need, etc. Have any of you had to book major parts of your wedding without your fiance’s involvement? Should I wait for a day (could be weeks) that he could take a half day from work, or force him to take a full vacation day off to help?
Post # 3
@MichiganGirl24: does he want to be there or does he trust you and his mother’s opinion.
once you get a site visit, they usually hold the date for a week before you need to put the deposit down.
i say go visit a couple of sites. when you narrow it down to 2 that you can’t make a decision between, then bring your Fiance to look at it before you book.
Post # 4
If he is just going to say “I don’t care, what do you like?” like my Fiance did then just go without him. I’ve booked quite a bit of my wedding by myself because when I ask for his opinion he just tells me to do what I like. I will bring him in if I’m torn between a couple of things. Maybe you could go look today without him (and with FMIL) and if you are having problems deciding then he could take off of work farther down the road to take a look.
Post # 5
I had this problem with various vendors as well. At first it was the venue, then the caterer, etc. I go without Fiance, and take pictures and notes. It hasn’t been a problem for us at all.
If you guys have similar tastes, you should be able to go by yourself or with your FMIL. If he wants to be more involved, he could always call or email vendors.
Post # 6
I’d just go with his mom. I’ve gone to lots of appointments without my Fiance when he has had to work, no big deal. He’s seen them and likes them from the pictures, so as long as you both have the same idea in mind for your wedding, i don’t see the problem.
Post # 7
yeah i agree with PP, look at them to narrow them down, maybe you can explain to the venue about the schedule and they can make an appt around 6pm-7pm, im sure if they want the money they can accomodate you to wait until he gets off work.
Post # 8
@MichiganGirl24: We had a similar issue; I work Saturday-Monday, OH works Monday-Friday; so, there were no days where we could both go together.
I ended up viewing our shortlist of 14 with my parents during the week. I took lots of photos, wrote detailed notes (we discounted lots of them straight away, there were only about 4 that were contenders), and then reported back to OH. He then came to my favourite one with me (still had about 4 to view at that stage), and loved it, so basically said that if I found anything better, to book it, otherwise, we should just book that. We ended up going with the one he loved; he saw 4 with me in total of the 14.
Could you do something like that, and go to the first viewing with his mum, then, if you’re unsure and want his opinion, see if you can organise a time to go together? Perhaps they might agree to a later appointment for eg?
Failing that, if he really can’t, just speak to him and see how he feels about you making the decision. You can do as I did and take photos, make notes, list pros and cons, then say which one you prefer and why. As you’re only looking at 2, I don’t think that would be such a bad way to approach it.
Post # 9
We had decieded pretty much together on the venue online – we are planning an out of town wedding for us in my hometown. I met with the venue coordinator and asked a crap ton of questions. I reported back to him. The next day he went by to see it too (we were there on vacation) and they were closed, so he just poked around and looked in the window and gave me a thumbs up. Deal done.
Actually, 99% of our wedding planning is going to go like that. Me (and my mother) doing the legwork, presenting options to him, him saying he either 1. doesn’t care or 2. has an opinion and this is the one he likes best and then booking.
I think as long as you ask him what’s important to him before you go in so you can ask those questions, and he’s ok with it, it’s a fine way to do things.
Post # 10
Thanks for the responses!
We agree on a style/theme that we want to go with and he loves all of my ideas. I’ve shown him pictures of the places we’re going to look at, and I plan to take a bunch when we go. He trusts me and doesn’t have a problem with just me and his mom going, though I know he would rather be able to go with us. I would like him to go, just to be a part of the planning process, but I do understand that he can’t be there for everything. I just didn’t want to show up to look at the place and the person showing it to us gives me that “you poor thing” look since he couldn’t be there. I’m glad to hear its pretty normal for FIs to not be there every step of the way!
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@MichiganGirl24: Go with Future Mother-In-Law and take pictures. As long as your FH is okay with this, then there is no need to stress yourself out over him not being able to take the time off to look at venues.
Post # 12
@MichiganGirl24: I did everything without him. It’s not a big deal. Just keep him in the loop and don’t worry unless he really objects to something.
Post # 13
If he doesn’t care either way, book it! 🙂
Post # 14
Maybe take some video? If your phone has the capability to do video, I feel like this gives a more realistic view of the space. Or maybe during his lunchbreak (or a time when he can take a quick break) and facechat if you have an iPhone.
You should ask him what his priorities are and then make sure he is at those meetings.
Post # 15
When we were planning the big wedding I just took tons of photos and brought my mama and Maid/Matron of Honor with me. When I got down to my favorite ones and needed help deciding, I showed him the pics and we decided from there. We ended up picking a place we both loved and he never saw it in person until we already put down the deposit.
We didn’t end up using it for the wedding, but there’s cabins there and we still book one every now and then. Turns out we found our favorite local getaway.
Post # 16
I didn’t take my Fiance when I looked at venues, and it was totally fine. No one even looked at me sideways, it’s perfectly normal for brides to take the lead. They let me take pics and message them to him, I don’t know any place that wouldn’t.
I ended up taking him to the top 2, which was pretty much a waste (except as validation of my taste – which I didn’t need). So from now on, I’m just using him as tiebreaker and to go to catering tastings. We both prefer it that way. 🙂