Post # 1
could really use some advice. i am a wreck.
A couple months ago my fiance came clean about having a relationship with another woman for 2 months. They exchanged thousands of texts, he said at first they would just talk (yes dirty pictures were exchanged at first), it then became making out then sex (about 5-6 times) and he said he had feelings for her. Her husband found them and he told me that scared her husband would tell. He said she was ending the affair when they got caught and he is sorry and is trying so hard to stay with me now.
prior to our engagement he had broken up with me and he had a relationship while we were broken up and when she ended it he begged me to get back with him. but i found out he actually started seeing her before he broke up with me. he came back to me and proposed a couple months later and it was honeymoon all over again for a while. Then we bought a house and as soon as we moved in (about 6 months after getting engaged) he was distant, said had cold feet, slept on the couch a lot. I thought something was up. I find out he told this other woman he loved her after only a couple weeks! She was at our house several times. he had sex with her in our house! he drove her home from work all the time, saw her almost every day during the week even if it was to just talk or make out for a few minutes.
he feels guilty wants to change wants us to get married still. We have been through a lot and I cannot seem to throw away 4 years of love. I decided to stay with him.
Fast forward a couple months. I decided to forgive him. he seems sincere. wedding is still set in a few months. we have even taken some trips together. please be patient as i ask for advice. do you think i have anything to worry about. he has not talked to her since. i dont want to make a mistake. i know he only told me of the cheating because the husband was going to but i do feel he is sincere and loves me and is ready for marriage. He was scared both times of commitment but seems sure now.
I know he cheated only 6 months after the engagement but he was scared and now realizes again that he wants me to be his wife. i really think that is the last of his cheating. he seems like a changed man. The thing is though he broke up with me once, came back proposed. Then cheated and now regrets it. It wasnt a one time thing. He had a relationship with her for a couple months. I want to forgive and move on. Do you think people can change? How do I trust again?
Post # 3
@lost2013: If I were you, I’d leave his ass. But I’m not you. This is something you will need to figure out.
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
I am so sorry you are going through this. I don’t know that I could continue with the relationship, but if you’re dead set on it, I would be seeking couples counseling. It seems from your description of events that part of his coming to beg for you back was because she dumped him and went on with her life and her husband. I don’t know that he would have come clean with you otherwise. I reiterate that I don’t know if I could move past it but I definitely think you would need some help to get through it and be able to move forward if you choose to stay.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t ever be able to trust him. Can you live the rest of your life like that? You deserve better than that.
Post # 6
I’m so sorry this has happened. And I’m sorry to say, I don’t think this guy will ever be faithful to you. He has a track record of cheating.
It will be painful to leave him, but staying in the relationship will be even worse because you can never trust him.
Post # 7
@lost2013: OMG….sorry honey but he has you SNOWED!!! Leave his sorry ass and never, ever, ever, ever, ever look back. You can do so much better and you owe it to yourself to not put up with this treatment from any man. He will never change…he does not love you.
Post # 8
I believe once a cheater always a cheater. What happens if he gets bored? Like pp have said only you can make this decision but I’d kick him out.
Post # 9
@lost2013: Honestly? A woman with any respect for herself wouldn’t tolerate that. Do you really believe you can’t do better? Why not move on so in a few years you can marry a man who is interested in you and only you, and would never disrespect you or your relationship? You deserve a man that would never put your relationship in jeopardy by cheating- the fact that your FI told you the truth probably means he knew you wouldn’t end it for good with him (and if that’s the caae, you might as well have given him permission to walk all over you for the rest of your lives together), or he just didn’t care if you did leave (or he sort of cared, but noto enough to not dfirst in the first place).
He was scared? Pfft. Please. Don’t make excuses for him and find a real man who isn’t scared of a monogamous commitment.
Post # 10
@lost2013: I am upset that you bought a house with him. He is a bad man with bad character and has shown you who he is. You deserve better, but you have to believe that for yourself. I’m just really bugged that you bought a house with him. Do you know how hard that is to untangle???
Post # 11
@lost2013: I’m not going to tell you what to do. I can only tell you my experience and what I think. I was in an abusive relationship for 8 yrs. since I was 18. But the cheating part I can relate to. He cheated and I took him back, several times. Always having hope and thinking he wants me back so he must really love me and seems sincere to be faithful. It just got worse from there. I believe people can change, very rarely though. I know my ex was never going to change. Not only being abusive but also the cheating.
I really feel, by your story that you’re always going to be his back up girl. Until he finds someone “better” or he just likes the excitement of being with someone new and knows you’ll always be there if it doesn’t work out. Only you know your FI and can feel if he’s telling the truth this time. All I can advise is not to get married yet. Hold off for at least a year and make him prove himself to you, until you have no doubts in your head about him. Good luck hun! So sorry you are going through this. I know how difficult it is when you really love the person. But don’t sell yourself short. You are already a better person, than he he deserves by getting a second chance and effing it up again.
Post # 12
We bought the house before I knew any of this. He is really pushing to still get married. So confused and hurt.
Post # 14
@mamadingdong: +100. You should never have bought a house with him after he already dumped you for another woman once. You really do deserve better than this.
Post # 15
Eeeek! I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I always try and be reasonable. We’re human beings and we do make mistakes. If it happened once (as in hooked up one time), I might say you should give him a second chance and get yourselves into counseling to figure out why it happened in the first place. But he’s had two serial affairs! TWO!
Honestly it sounds like he keeps on thinking he can do better so he keeps on trying things out. How many times are you willing to put up with him disrespecting you? How many times does he have to have long standing affairs before you give up and file for divorce?
I know it seems nearly impossible to walk away because you love him, but there is someone out there that will treat you like a princess and never disrespect you that way. You owe it to yourself to find that person. You deserve better than someone who will treat you like garbage every time something shiny and new waltzes by. That man doesn’t deserve your trust or your love.
Post # 16
One too many times for me. I would leave.