Fiance cheated advice needed :(

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@lost2013:  If I were you, I’d leave his ass.  But I’m not you.  This is something you will need to figure out.

Post # 4
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

I am so sorry you are going through this. I don’t know that I could continue with the relationship, but if you’re dead set on it, I would be seeking couples counseling. It seems from your description of events that part of his coming to beg for you back was because she dumped him and went on with her life and her husband. I don’t know that he would have come clean with you otherwise. I reiterate that I don’t know if I could move past it but I definitely think you would need some help to get through it and be able to move forward if you choose to stay. 

Post # 5
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t ever be able to trust him. Can you live the rest of your life like that? You deserve better than that. 

Post # 6
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m so sorry this has happened. And I’m sorry to say, I don’t think this guy will ever be faithful to you. He has a track record of cheating.

It will be painful to leave him, but staying in the relationship will be even worse because you can never trust him.

Post # 7
Member
2092 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@lost2013:  OMG….sorry honey but he has you SNOWED!!! Leave his sorry ass and never, ever, ever, ever, ever look back. You can do so much better and you owe it to yourself to not put up with this treatment from any man. He will never change…he does not love you. 

Post # 8
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I believe once a cheater always a cheater. What happens if he gets bored? Like pp have said only you can make this decision but I’d kick him out.

Post # 9
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@lost2013:  Honestly? A woman with any respect for herself wouldn’t tolerate that. Do you really believe you can’t do better? Why not move on so in a few years you can marry a man who is interested in you and only you, and would never disrespect you or your relationship? You deserve a man that would never put your relationship in jeopardy by cheating- the fact that your FI told you the truth probably means he knew you wouldn’t end it for good with him (and if that’s the caae, you might as well have given him permission to walk all over you for the rest of your lives together), or he just didn’t care if you did leave (or he sort of cared, but noto enough to not dfirst in the first place). 

He was scared? Pfft. Please. Don’t make excuses for him and find a real man who isn’t scared of  a monogamous commitment.

Post # 10
Member
3014 posts
Sugar bee

@lost2013:  I am upset that you bought a house with him. He is a bad man with bad character and has shown you who he is. You deserve better, but you have to believe that for yourself. I’m just really bugged that you bought a house with him. Do you know how hard that is to untangle???

Post # 11
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@lost2013:  I’m not going to tell you what to do. I can only tell you my experience and what I think. I was in an abusive relationship for 8 yrs. since I was 18. But the cheating part I can relate to. He cheated and I took him back, several times. Always having hope and thinking he wants me back so he must really love me and seems sincere to be faithful. It just got worse from there. I believe people can change, very rarely though. I know my ex was never going to change. Not only being abusive but also the cheating. 

I really feel, by your story that you’re always going to be his back up girl. Until he finds someone “better” or he just likes the excitement of being with someone new and knows you’ll always be there if it doesn’t work out. Only you know your FI and can feel if he’s telling the truth this time. All I can advise is not to get married yet. Hold off for at least a year and make him prove himself to you, until you have no doubts in your head about him. Good luck hun! So sorry you are going through this. I know how difficult it is when you really love the person. But don’t sell yourself short. You are already a better person, than he he deserves by getting a second chance and effing it up again. 

Post # 14
Member
2092 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@mamadingdong:  +100. You should never have bought a house with him after he already dumped you for another woman once. You really do deserve better than this. 

Post # 15
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

Eeeek! I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I always try and be reasonable. We’re human beings and we do make mistakes. If it happened once (as in hooked up one time), I might say you should give him a second chance and get yourselves into counseling to figure out why it happened in the first place. But he’s had two serial affairs! TWO! 


Honestly it sounds like he keeps on thinking he can do better so he keeps on trying things out. How many times are you willing to put up with him disrespecting you? How many times does he have to have long standing affairs before you give up and file for divorce? 

I know it seems nearly impossible to walk away because you love him, but there is someone out there that will treat you like a princess and never disrespect you that way. You owe it to yourself to find that person. You deserve better than someone who will treat you like garbage every time something shiny and new waltzes by. That man doesn’t deserve your trust or your love. 

Post # 16
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2012

One too many times for me.  I would leave.

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