Post # 1
i have been having the worst two weeks! I was checking our phone plan and I found this 818 number like 50 times on my birthday ( feb 6th)there were 52 text msgs in all just in this one day.i remember on my birthday he left early he said he wasnt feeling well, but the text msgs happened after he left obviously. anyway, i confronted him he says he doesnt know that number so i called it and low and behold its his ex gf. i know for a fact because i paid10 bucks and traced the number.
anyway, it was night time at this point I called him and he came. my parents and brothers were in the living room and i embarrassed him and called him out on his cheating in front of everyone. i never thought that he could cheat on me NEVER!! i always thought that i was lucky because i had someone who i never would have a shadow of doubt that he would do that to me, but unfortunately i was wrong.
anyway, then we went inside my room so we could talk about this between us. i cursed him out yelled at him tore all the pictures we had together and pretty much broke everything he gave me. i even spit in his face ( yes i know im not proud of myself for doing that)
i find out he has been talking to her for the past month. he says that our relationship has been rocky and hes been turning to her for advice. SERIOUSLY?????? why would u turn to her for advice?
oh btw… when we were dating apparently he was with this girl but he broke it off with her before we were officially together. he told me he broke up with her because he loved me the moment he saw me and he wanted to marry me immediately ( perhaps thats why he proposed to me two months after being my bf) he said that girl whom he was with for 3 years was forcing him to get married and he was not interested in that with her..
the plot thickens! i spoke to that w*ore! she said that supposedly he proposed to her5 months into the relationship which I found out was a lie ( she told me he never did and they just talked about it!) she said she kissed him in my car, but when i asked her to describe the inside of my car she couldnt even give me one thing my car is always messy and she said it was super clean) so basically his ex gf is out to get revenge on him ( she is psycho i found out that when they were together she broke off his drivers side mirror) and she is a liar.
he swore to me he never met up with her and everything was done over the phone. he said he bumped into her at the mall. he told me he talked about our relationship with her can you believe that????? he said he just needed to talk to someone and he felt he couldnt talk to me (his family has been having financial problems and he feels embarrassed talking about it with me :0( )
i feel so betrayed and confused. i love him and i want to get over this but its so hard. i cant stop looking at his phone or the bill to make sure they havent talked. i keep asking him to please tell me if he doesnt want this relationship because i dont want to find out a month before the wedding he doesnt want to be with me. he told me he has been feeling sexually rejected from me ( sometimes im not in the mood to have sex) and he felt hurt and he talked to her about that!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!
please give me advice on how to get over this or what to do!
Post # 3
Wow. What a horrible mess.First, I am so sorry this happened to you.
If nothing happened between them, why did he lie the when you saw the number the first time? If your relationship is “rocky” then the person he needs to talk to is YOU! I believe when two people decide to get married, it’s almost as good as being married. Forsaking all others and all that. I would call the whole relationship off. I know you love him, but he needs to know that he cannot do that to you. Make him work for your trust again.
Post # 4
I’m very sorry this happened to you. Best advice i can give is that you need to create some time. So – stop wedding planning. End the engagement. You might stay together after working on your relationship or you might not but you don’t need the pressure of getting married.
Best of luck
Post # 5
i love him so much i have agreed to still marry him in 4 months!!! but im so hurt. so unbelievably hurt this freakin blows..
Post # 6
Do you want support with this decision or do you want me to point out why i think it might be a poor choice?
Post # 7
@Mollytov: I agree completely.
I think that, in lieu of this drama, it is best to end the engagement, but maybe not the relationship. That will depend on if you think you can forgive him and trust him again, which is obviously a personal choice. If the relationship is still new (it sounds like it is/might be?) then there is a lot to work out before a marriage would be considerable.
Post # 8
@love4sean: You really want to marry someone you think is cheating on you after being together for a matter of months? I’m not going to pretend like I think that is a wise decision. If you’re going to do it anyway, then I really don’t have anything else to say..
Post # 9
Oh, dear @love4sean, what a terrible situation for you and your FI. The hurt of betrayal is so sharp and a difficult one to overcome. *hugs*
I have to agree with @Mollytov about putting wedding plans on the backburner. If you want to go forward and marry him, it seems a good idea to postpone and shift attention on how to rebuild trust and communication as the foundation for a strong marriage…
Post # 9
we have been together for a year and a half he proposed to me when we was my bf of two months.
Post # 10
Post # 11
no we just ended up changing the venue
Post # 12
Go to marriagebuilders.com now!
Check out the forum and there is one for those who are victims of infidelity.
I follow Dr. Harley’s advice for a healthy marriage btw.
You need answers and answers quick. Logical and sane answers.
What bothers me honestly, and you should go there and ask these hard questions and let them know your situation, is (what I gleaned from your post) that he was apparently cheating on another girl when he began dating you. Am I right?
If so, you have possibly a serial cheater on your hands. I was married to one and trust me, I do not wish this on anybody at all. And I can also tell you, going thru this, a divorce, with a child is much much more difficult than ending a relationship before you are a parent, and before your assets are joined.
It is easier to end things before there are legalities involved.
So go there, post on the site for those hurting from infidelity and put your situation up there and ask for feedback. You’ll get it. Then you need to either go to a counselor or your minister or get some coaching from a professional ( myself had conference via phone w/Dr. Harley) and decide what you are going to do…and then do it.
I wish you well, but sadly, this is scary considering this is something which seems to be a pattern for your fiance. And for me, that would be something I will not tolerate.
Post # 13
@AmeliaBedelia: Exactly what I was thinking….
I am sorry but it TO ME I think getting married is not the best idea right now… if he has the history of cheating and he cheated on you… he is most likely going to do it again. I would try to figure things out before continuing with the marriage plans…
Post # 14
…Is talking with an ex cheating? You threw a temper tantrum and he didn’t break things off? You acknowledge she’s a psycho and wants revenge?
Take a step back. You screamed, broke things, tore up photos, spat at him over texts from a psycho jealous ex. Why would she send 50 texts if she was with him at the time? You said he’s going through stuff with his family. If you get THAT angry before he has a chance to explain, how can he bring things up to you directly? Does he have loads of female friends to go to when he wants to know how to handle a situation with you? So he saw other people before you were official – you weren’t “official”, so it shouldn’t matter.
It sounds like she pressed for marriage from the 5 month point on, and he eventually got sick of it. Some people consider “yeah, we can get married someday” a proposal. Maybe he was almost as serious with her, but found out she’s a psycho and broke it off. Heck, I was previously engaged, but I broke things off when I found out the guy was ritualistically slaughtering his neighbor’s sheep (crossed my crazy threshhold there.) I got call after call, e-mail after e-mail, letter after letter from my ex for almost a year after I broke it off. I’d take his calls for the first three months before I realized he wouldn’t stop. It took six months of ignoring his calls for him to stop. He showed up at one of his exes’ weddings and threatened to kill the groom (this is why there is NO engagement announcement in my hometown. I am not letting him know when and where I’m getting married. I may ask my dad to have a firearm on hand in case he figures it out.) Crazy exes are crazy, and there’s little the non-psycho party can do about it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong to feel betrayed, and maybe we don’t have the full story. Just try to look at it from his perspective.
ETA: I deleted my ex’ number from my phone as soon as we broke up. I didn’t know his number. If I looked at the number and it was from my hometown and NOT my parents’ phone, I ignored it. Basically refused to acknowledge his existence until he left me alone. Maybe it’d been long enough that he legitimately didn’t know her number.
Post # 15
Let me get this straight. He has talked and texted with his ex, yes? He has not had physical contact with her (in person, sexual, kissing), correct? She lied about him kissing her in the car, right? He has NOT been with her in person in any way, has not messed around with her, has not been sexually active with her, yes?
Then how is simply talking/texting a person cheating on you?
Unless he was sexting her or they were sending nude images of themselves to each other, I do not see how conversation and texts are cheating.
ETA = I did not see any mention of him cheating on her in the past, Cyndistar. Where did you get THAT from?