Weddingbee boards

You know, you see these posts, you gasp and cover your mouth accordingly, mutter to yourself about how you can't believe that happened, and who could have seen it coming?  But rarely, if ever, do you picture your (YOUR) Fiancee doing this.  Not your man.  Never.  He may pull some shit that you don't approve of, or that might land him on the couch for a few days, but he'd never go...there.

Well, mine did.

And I was one of those ladies.  I knew he had downfalls that we'd struggle with, but I always thought I knew in my heart he wasn't the type to go and do THAT.  Well, ladies, listen up good 'cuz I don't say this much:  I was WRONG.  Oh boy, was I wrong.

Our wedding invitations arrived on Monday.  I texted him Monday afternoon to let him know, and didn't hear from him.  By 6pm, I called to see what he wanted for dinner.  By 8pm, I'm down at his shop making sure he's not pinned underneath some giant piece of machinery.  He's not - the door is locked, and I can't hear his phone ringing inside.  Hm, I must have passed him on the road on his way home...go back to the house to play on the computer, and realize his Myspace page is open (he get on maybe once every 3 months) to an ex girlfriends page from like 10 years ago.

11pm - My mom has come over to help me call all the hospitals and jails in the two counties we live in/by.  By 1am, we've come to the conclusion that he's not locked up or dying in a ER somewhere, so I take my panicking heart and go lay down in bed.

4am:  My phone rings.  "hey, I'm alive...but we need to talk."  Yeah thanks, no shit buddy.

4:20am - he walks in and goes right for the shower (red flag number 2) instead of coming into the bedroom to talk to me.  I lose it, go flying into the bathroom to demand an explanation, to which I get, "I freaked out.  About the wedding.  I was at an old friends house."  "What old friend??!"  "It doesn't matter."  I ask him if he was at the old ex's place whose Myspace page I saw open, and GUILT spreads across his forehead as fast as the words 'no' came out of his mouth.  I tell him the wedding is off, and to get out.  He claims he didn't sleep with her, that they only cuddled.  He leaves after his shower without another word.

Today I opened up our bank statement, and what do I see?  a $13.99 charge for a Wallgreens downtown - we don't live downtown, and he hates Wallgreens.  A quick jump to their website, and AHA!  Trojans at Walgreens are $13.99!!

Un-fucking-believable.  I've been at a complete loss for the last two days, but now I think I finally reached some level of angry, which helps.  We own a house and a dog together though, so I'm dreading more than anything about how we're going to split those up.  

I could really use some sage advice from some bee's in here that might have gone through the same thing.

Thanks, Ladies.

((HUG))

I am so sorry and I am glad that you had a place like here to come and vent and for all us of to give you hugs!  I suggest taking a couple of days to cool off, there will always be anger for sure but let the initial anger simmer down and then talk with eachother in a public place I think, or if you think it will be ok sit down and sort things out but make sure you get the DOG, he/she will provide you comfort and unconditional love!  Sorry!

I have no good personal advice. Someone in a similar situation, I think it may have been a bee,  that called off the wedding said they dodged the biggest bullet of their life. When the clouds clear, I think that is an excellent perspective to take.

I wish you well and I'm sorry you are going through this. 

Thank you so much for the support ladies, I appreciate it.

@amandopolis: I have to be honest and explain that it's not in my nature to forgive and forget.  Once I am wronged, I'll remember it until the day I die.  I still resent my mother for always taking bites of my sandwiches before giving them to me after she made my lunches.  I never got first bite.  Anyway.

I'd be much more willing to work on this, if it wasn't his second offense.  He did this two years ago with another ex-girlfriend (who was engaged at the time) - I caught her dropping him off at his shop at 11pm on a Tuesday night when he was usually home with me by 5:30.  Again, he never answered his phone the whole time in between.  He'd claimed then that they'd just been talking and drinking beer, and I believed him because I thought they'd both have some integrity considering they were both in relationships.  Looking back,  I'm not so sure he didn't cheat on me then either.

I feel like I can't trust myself to judge men anymore.  If you'd bet me some serious money that he would cheat, I would have taken you on grinning like a fool.

*Sigh*

@#$%^*.....

Thank you again, ladies.  I did just get a call from him, and he explained that he did not buy condoms.  He'd purchased something else for me (he has the receipt as proof), but then felt like a total jackass trying to give it to me the next day.

 *sigh*

I guess I have to admit that thus far I haven't let him explain himself much.  But I just feel like that's going to make this harder to break, to let go of - if I understand that he's standing on more validated ground.  I almost feel like it's easier letting go with what information I do have, and trying to come to some closure from here.

That doesn't mean that I don't already feel like my chest has been ripped open from sternum to navel.

I think there are serious issues...maybe not between the two of us per se, but he has demons that haunt his past, I think.

I'm an emotional person.  I'm afraid I'm going to choose staying with him if his explanations are good enough, just because I'm so terrified of my life as I know it falling apart, and having to pick up the pieces and move on.  And if I do that and succeed, I'll still always wonder if maybe we would have been happy together.  Sometimes when you're in a relationship for a while, you wonder if you could have found someone better - but then when you've lost the one you're with, you wonder if you'll ever find anyone at all.

I think I need to print this whole thing out and take it to bed to read with me.

Thank you, everyone, you have no idea how much of a relief it is to have so many insightful opinions on this. I know you don't have his story or our background so it's not entirely fair to him (since I really haven't let him explain EVERYTHING) but...*sigh* our engagment hasn't exactly been the happy & blissful one I always imagined, either.

 I have so very much to think about.

She's apparently a bitter, recently divorced lady, so I'm sure she spent quite a few hours doleing out her own pieces of sage advice before snaking her fingers with his and kissing him.  I keep having this delicious image in my head of my left hook hitting her thick jaw...