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This is something that is SUCH a sensitive topic. Next time he brings it up (if you bring it up out of the blue he might REALLY think it bothers you) explain to him, that it isn't the ring that you would have picked out, but it isn't ABOUT what you would have picked out. The time and thought he put into it is what really matters and you love what it REPRESENTS. If he really wants to get rid of it, and you want a new ring- go with it. But if you think he is going to be bitter later, then don't let him think that's even an option. I'm guessing you'd miss it if it was gone.
@MissLunchbox: ditto.
It's unfair to expect men to be mind readers, and select the exact ring of our dreams out of the millions of options available. I would make it clear that you love the fact that it symbolizes him wanting to spend his life with you, and that you're not angry with him for the fact that his choice didn't exactly mirror what you had in mind. But if he's willing to replace it without being sad, I don't think that's a bad thing.
Yikes! I certainly don't envy the position you are in. Its such a sensitive issue. I'm really sorry you don't like the ring he picked out. Instead of thinking about the ring itself try to think about the effort and time and thought your FI put into it. Perhaps that will make it more special to you. Try to think about the fact that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you and was willing to go to the ends of the earth to get you something he hoped you liked. Men are terrible at fashion (with a few exceptions!) so maybe cut him a little slack.
I agree with SBurnes12, even if you don't like the ring, I'm guessing you'll miss it when its gone. it was THAT ring that he proposed with, it was THAT ring he picked out himself, it was THAT ring that encompasses all his time and effort and thought.
You've got some soul searching to do. If you decide to get a new one, try to say as tactfully as possible when HE brings it up. Then go to the store and see if there is anything you like before you pawn yours. If you decide you want to keep it, then occasionally mention without him bringing it up, how much it means to you that he went to such trouble and you can't imagine anything better than having a FH that cares that much about you.
I think your ring is gorgeous! What is it that you don't like?
I am just really overwhelmed. You're right I would miss it. I am just in PT school, he's working all the time so I can be in school. I never wanted him to think I didn't appreciate everything he does, because I do more that anything. I guess he just could tell something was wrong- and I'm sure deep down it's not the RING that's bothering me. I'm not going to bring it up again, I don't want another one. I know this all sounds so foolish, but I appreciate the feedback.
Boy I don't envy you there, that is such a hard spot to be in. But, I think your ring is beautiful! It's classic and elegant. What don't you like about it? Are you wanting more bling? What does your wedding ring look like? Maybe you could have the diamond reset in a new setting? Let us know what you decide. Take care
It's a beautiful ring, but solitaires aren't for everyone. You can easily get a different setting sometime down the line. Sorry you are going through this! :(
Definitely, he went with something that is pretty universal. Down the line you can always keep the stone and change the setting, or pick out a wedding band in your taste.
If you aren't happy with it, change it now before the wedding. Im sure he wants you to be happy with what you wear every day for the rest of your life.
I think it's beautiful, because, well, solitaires are a classic! I understand what you may feel, bc I'm not a big fan of solitaires to be honest, but they are beautiful anyway, and a big plus is that you can choose any wedding band to go with it, or a wrap, or just many thin bands.. you get the point. That can make a simple solitaire look really amazing.
Maybe you should look into having it re-set in a different setting, if it seems like it's a big deal to him.
Then the original stone will still be there with all the sentiment behind that, but hopefully he will feel more at peace with the idea that you really like it if you guys agree on the new setting together.
Personally I think it's a perfectly nice ring. Maybe it would help him let it go if you tell him that you would rather look for a wedding ring that complements it rather than starting over with a new e-ring?
@lulu13: "I'm sure deep down it's not the RING that's bothering me"
Ring or no ring, what's going on with the relationship?
You have a lovely ring that's classic and perfect on your finger. If you wanted something more intricate, you could get a more intricate band. His suggestion to pawn it sounds more bitter than productive, so I don't think you should do it. You could get the ring reset if you want something better.
I've heard a few times that unhappiness with the ring can be a symptom of something else. If something doesn't feel right, it's important to consider what it could be. Hope things sort out.
I didn't really like my ring at first. My fiance always told me he wanted to pick it out and he didn't want me to expect the proposal or the ring. When it finally came, I was so shocked I didn't even pay attention to the ring, really, until a few minutes later after it was on my finger. He did alright, it's not the worst ring by any means but when you have your heart set on a certain look and you get something slightly different it's disappointing. Like wanting a toy when you are a kid and your parents get you a different brand of the same thing.
I was so excited to marry him, though, that I make it work! He can tell I wanted something slightly different but I point out what I love and that his picking it makes it special. I wish I could say it's exactly what I wanted but I'm a bad liar.
You don't get to choose your face, and you have your face for your entire life. You play up your best features and learn to love yourself even if you wish you looked different. I LOVE the setting he chose, but I could go for less diamonds on the band and a more intricate design. So when I show the ring, I point out the setting, because I do like it. Just like I love my eyes and hair but hate my nose. lol!
@lulu13: well, what's the update? have you figured out if it's the ring you don't like, or if it's the engagement/relationship that's making you unhappy?
for the record, I love solitaires and think your ring is perfect and classic :)
Haha your ring looks like mine (which I dislike as well) I get around not telling fiance I hate it by saying "I love the diamond" whenever he asks if I like it, hehe. I am DEFINITELY getting a new band & want to keep the diamond. I plan on doing this on our first anniversary. I will tell him that he will be getting me a new band for our anniversary and then I'll pay for it. No point causing drama until after the wedding.
If I were you I would tell him that you love the diamond and he can plan on buying you a new band if he's going to buy you a new ring, and maybe he'll feel better.
I have no advice except a word of caution to other women: If you don't like the ring, TELL HIM early enough that it can be easily exchanged for something you do love.
BTW I love your ring. I wonder if shopping for wedding bands will change your feelings about the ring.
I agree with you. You should just tell him right away! Even if he is a little sad about it, he should want you to love your ring. You're the one who has to wear it the rest of your life. If you don't love it, he should be happy to find one that you do love, because you are worth it :)
@SoonToBeMrsMoose: You had a great responce to this thread. Well said, and very true. What a wonderful way with words.
Your ring really looks exactly like mine which I used to hate... (You may check out my thread! http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/please-help-i-hate-my-e-ring Hope it'll help.)
I recently changed my ring's prong setting a little bit. It was easy and not so big difference (I just made it from 4 prong high setting to 6 prong Tiffany setting), but now I LOVE my ring a lot!!!
If you don't want to change anything about the ring itself, why don't you get some ring enhancer or ring guard!? Fortunately, you have a solitaire ring you can enjoy great change with some wrap like following.
http://www.silverjewelryemporium.com/bridal-jewelry.html?cat=122
Any jewelry shop have some solitiare enhancers, so you should go and check it out!! It will change your ring look dramatically.
Anyways, I imagine many guys love buying 4 prong solitaire because of its simple, classic and pure look which symbolize their true love...
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My fiance confronted me about not liking my ring. He said he could tell I didn't like it by the way I act- and it's true. We have been together 7 years and engaged for about 1, I just sucked it up and wore it and never said a thing because he worked so hard and picked it out. It's true, I don't like it. But I never wanted to hurt his feelings. Now it's a problem because he is hurt that I don't like it. He has made several comments about how he can't even stand to see me wearing it and how we should pawn it. Help, I am so frustrated and I do not want a piece of jewelry to overshadow my feelings for our relationship, but I'm not going to lie when asked a question.