Fiance cussed at me and went crazy on me

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@PeachyMrsB:  Do you have somewhere to stay?

I think you should take a few nights off from him.  Actually show him that he can’t just turn around and say sorry.  I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

 

Post # 4
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I think that, at the very least, you two need to go to some serious therapy to get to the bottom of his behavior before you get married. 

Post # 6
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

That is very childish of him.  He cannot control his emotions, and he needs to put that in check.  As a PP mentioned, I’d look into counseling before marriage.

Post # 7
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

This is concerning. You said he’s never done this before but does he have anger issues? 

Post # 9
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

don’t go back. leave him before he does something worse. please. this is an abusive situation.

Post # 10
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@PeachyMrsB:  For one flying off the handle episode I wouldnt tell you to run to therapy but you just said that it’s been really bad lately and you feel like he’s a stranger – perhaps therapy is best.  Do you think he would be open to it?

 

 

Post # 11
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@PeachyMrsB:  well if that’s the case some of the smartest advice I’ve ever received is: if he’s showing you who he is, believe him. So sorry you’re going through this.

Post # 12
Member
1904 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2

I think you should stay with a friend/your own place a couple of nights so you can both calm down and then you need a serious talk.

Post # 13
Member
5839 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@PeachyMrsB:  If this anger is unusual or came on suddenly, he should get his health checked–tumor, etc. Does he have PTSD? Doesnt excuse his behavior, but he can get help for that.

But if this anger is something you’ve dealt with for most of the relationship and it’s just getting more intense, then I think you have to look into the possibility that he this is an abusive relationship. Abusive relationships dont start out badly. In fact, most of the ones I’ve ever heard about, they are idyllic almost perfect. Then slowly, they get more verbally abusive (yelling, screaming, name calling, putting you down). It might not have happened yet, but most will evolve into physical abuse.

Please talk with a trained counselor. Here are some resources:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joy-chen/emotional-abuse_b_870627.html

http://psychcentral.com/lib/signs-you-are-verbally-abused-part-i/00015267

The first post has some info, please take the MOSAIC survey

http://live.washingtonpost.com/carolyn-hax-live-102811.html

Post # 15
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

As the saying goes…

“When a man shows you who he is BELIEVE him”

and

“Actions speak LOUDER than words”

As someone who has been in an Abusive Relationship (I was foolish enough to stay for over 20 years) I can tell you that NONE OF WHAT WENT ON WITH HIM TO YOU WAS OK

A man who CANNOT or WILL NOT control himself / anger is a problem.  A very dangerous problem.

Personally, knowing what I know now (at over 50) if I was in your shoes and “my man” treated me this way, I’d be done.

There are men out there who don’t do this Sh!t

Go find one of them… they are a million times better as partners.

You may choose to stay with this man (I certainly made that choice) and go to counselling… expecting him to change.  Chances are he won’t.  They rarely do.  Infact the NEXT TIME will be worse.  Agressive Behaviour ALWAYS gets worse not better.

Hope this helps,

To be perfectly honest… if I COUNT the types of abuse that happened in just one incident, your head might spin…

* Name Calling (F-ing B)

* Overbearance (calling you a child… not respecting like an Adult)

* Intimidation (Getting in your face)

* Control (taking YOUR Keys)

* Sexual Impropriety (a Forceful Kiss)

AND if you were embarrassed or scared at all… then that ramps it up into another level.

 

Post # 16
Member
5839 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@PeachyMrsB:  You need to go to therapy by yourself. You will never fix his problem. But you can figure out why you think it’s acceptable to be treated this way.

I love my DH more than anything in this world. But if he EVER treated me the way your SO treated you, he would be so gone. I would sell the house and divorce him immediately. I deserve to be loved, cherished and respected. Once the respect is gone, the relationship is over. Your SO does not respect you. 

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