Post # 1
How do I make sure I’m including him, but also spare my own feelings? I find it really hurtful when I share details about the wedding with him and he doesnt like them. He doesnt not like them enough to ask me to not use them or anything, but he tells me he doesnt like them but if I’m happy, then okay. I dont know what to do… I dont want to completely ignore his opinions but yet, why does he care about plates?! Am I being overly sensitive? Should I just not ask anymore? Helppp.. I’m stressed out.
Post # 3
It might be hard for him to imagine! What specifically has he turned down? Maybe you should present him with pictures of the ideas you’re thinking about.
When I first told my fi about a candy buffet, he was thinking it was like cobbler or m&m cake! Now that he understands exactly what it is, he’s totally for it! He also wants to add a chocolate fountain!
Post # 4
I daresay he cares about plates for the same reason you do!
I’ve had similar issues with my fiance, where he will not like a particular idea – I just ask him how he pictures it – if it’s something I don’t care too much about, or I think his idea is better (I can be wrong!), then we can do it his way. If I don’t like his suggestion, then I’ll usually say so and we try and find a middle ground or we go with a completely different option we’re both happy with.
Post # 5
I think most of us have this same problem sadly. My FH doesn’t like a lot of my ideas but I show him and it seems to help. He has given in to a lot though.
Post # 6
@AmandaShea8: if he doesnt like stuff but isnt giving alternatives stop asking. include him on food and cake and booze and stop torturing each other!
Post # 7
Why does he care about plates? Well, the same question could be asked for you — why do you care about the plates?
Give your SO something specific to do. If he doesn’t like the plates, show you ones he does like. Come to a compromise because then both of you will have a say.
He doesn’t like the table favors? Why? Is it the color, or the general item? What would he like?
Ask him if he went to a wedding, what he’d expect/want to see/want to take home/want to see.
Then see if you both can come up with something you both like.
Post # 8
I’m wishing he didn’t care about anything because this is exhausting. Maybe I will just stop asking about little things because it just creates disagreements. I guess I just want him to be happy with our wedding so I want him to be involved.
Post # 9
@AmandaShea8: ooh i hate it when my fi says things like “well i dont like it at all, but if thats what you want go for it. whatever makes you happy”
i made a rule and basically said ‘your opinion matters to me. you can say you don’t like something but ONLY if you then suggest an alternative. don’t shoot down ideas and then say ‘do whatever you want baby!’
otherwise i would get really stressed. he would get stressed because he thought he wasnt giving the ‘correct’ answer and it felt like no progress was being made
Post # 10
Are your ideas overly girly? Just for example, if you showed him pictures of pink uplighting or purple flowers cascading over the cake… do you think any masculine guy would like that? You mentioned plates — are they “vintage” looking plates with this floral pattern? I’m not saying ANY of these examples are bad ideas, nor am I accusing you of planning an barbie wedding… but playing the devil’s advocate, can you understand where he might be coming from?
That being said, try not to take his opinions personally. If you ASK, and he gives you the TRUTH about how he feels, you can’t fault him for it. OR, you can just go forth with your ideas, NEVER ask his opinion and it’ll be your dream day that he had no input on… he’s just along for the ride. His votes don’t count.
I speak to you also as someone who has fiance with opinions as well. If I ask him whether he likes something, he’s honest with me and a lot of times it’s not what I want to hear. Don’t you like this song? Listen to the lyrics, it’s so sweet… … really? You don’t like it? 🙁 But the thing is, I know that our wedding is about us and not me. And if it was ALL decorations, music, food and other stuff that I wanted, then the wedding would feel very one-sided to me.
Maybe you can pick out a few different plates that you like, and ask him to pick his favorite out of those. If he hates them all — is there going to be any harm in letting him pick the plates he wants that you might not like? If he ends up picking Storm Trooper plates, that so don’t go with the pink peonie centerpieces, your guests will notice that and think Oh my god, that’s so Dave. That’s awesome.
Post # 11
@newname_99: yes, EXACTLY! Maybe I’ll try that. Thanks!
Post # 12
@FutureMrsLAL: Yup, they’re vintage plates. HAHA I guess I was just suprised he cared because he is not at all into decorating or anything else. He’s very laidback and his opinionated-ness caught me off guard. You make a good point though. Thank you!
Post # 13
@newname_99: This is a great idea!!! I am definately going to use it. My fiance and I have such opposite tastes I am a country girl and he is a city boy so think rustic vs. modern chrome. Such a challenge to mix the two. And when I ask him his opinion he just says: ” That’s not my favorite, but you do what you want to.” So fustrating, after I spent a lot of time trying to come up with something he would like to. It’s not like he is coming up with any ideas, so this rule is awesome 🙂
Post # 14
@newname_99: Your rule is spot-on! That’s the policy we have too. OP, he may love you and be excited, but if you’re the one with the “big vision” he might be too lazy to try and see it, in which case it’s so much easier to just shoot stuff down. Poking holes is the laziest way to “help,” it takes so much more effort to be creative and offer different solutions. If he really wants to help, he’s got to invest in the big vision and really get it, and actually contribute, or support your decisions without any snark!