Fiance doesn't want to be there when our parents meet

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should the couple be there when their parents meet for the first time?
    Absolutely! : (16 votes)
    94 %
    It would be fine either way : (1 votes)
    6 %
    No, it's better for the parents to get to know each other on their own : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    404 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Our parents met randomly when neither of us were home. His parents had come to drop our SUV off after being undercoated, and my parents live beside us, so they saw them and came right out to talk to them. They had a great first meeting on their own, haha. 

    I’m terrified to do a dinner with both sets of parents thinking that will be awkward since I missed the first time they met. 

    Post # 4
    812 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo

    My ex’s parents met my parents when we were not around. My ex was away at school out of state. My parents live about an hour away, I lived 15 minutes from ex’s parents. I had what turned out to be appendicitis and stayed at their house one night because I was sick. In the middle of the night the pain got really bad and his mom called out of work and took me to the ER. She stayed with me, and once we found out I was definitely having surgery I told my parents to leave work early and head up. Between commuting time home and my mom having to wait for relief at work (she’s a nurse so can’t just run out) I was already in surgery by the time they got there. They met my ex’s mom in the OR waiting room, then stayed in their house that night and met his dad. It worked out fine…. minus the whole emergency surgery thing for me anyway. 🙂 I’m still super close with ex’s parents (I’ve taken to referring to them as my ‘pretend parents’ because it’s easier than explaining how we know each other) and for a while my husband actually knew them better than he knows my real parents.That said, I think you guys should be there. At least to do the, ‘oh hey, dad, did you know FFIL is also really into fishing?’ or whatever. Our parents met at a party at our house, which was good becuase there were other friends of ours there that they could also talk to so not so forced if they don’t have much in common.

    Post # 5
    4511 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think it’s important for the couple to be there. Why not?

    Post # 6
    4576 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I would NEVER want to be there when my mother met my BFs sweet and wonderful parents. She would absolutely humiliate me. I don’t see a reason for you to be there if it doesnt work: they’re all adults and I’m sure it’s not their first time meeting new people 🙂

    Post # 7
    348 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    My and FI’s parents met alone. I was nervous about it, but it probably worked out better than if I had been there stressing. FI’s parents were on a road trip and just happened to be going to the city my parents live in. We’d been together for 6 years at this pont. it was time 🙂

    Post # 8
    1470 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think it would be super weird to not be there….maybe because my parents are off the chain…and my bf’s parents, while I don’t know them well (they live in Dallas and Houston, while we’re in DC) seem to be too from the stories lol My parents are in Philly and both of our dads are remarried and our moms are single, my parents get along relatively well but his don’t so we’ll probably have to do two separate meet ups. It’s just going to take so much coordination between the distance and relationships etc I wouldn’t ask them to do it themselves…awkward.

    Post # 9
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Etiquette Snob here… lol

    Strictly from an Etiquette point of view, the two of you (or minimum 1 of you) should be there “to make the Introductions” and also play Host, steer the Meeting, keep the conversation flowing etc.

    Mr & Mrs Smith… Joan & Burt, I’d like you to meet MY Parents Mary & Bill Gold

    (the one of you doing the Introducing would mention your own Parent’s last)

    It is the right thing to do… otherwise these are 2 people from other walks of life that don’t know each other… awkward first minutes

    (and if those don’t go well… neither will the rest of it… or for that matter forever.  First Impressions are very very important.  And will set the tone forever in this situation where YOU ALL are about to become family.  Honestly this is TOO IMPORTANT to miss, and let fate invervene).

    Hope this helps,


    Post # 11
    3514 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @TGold:  I think it truly depends on the parents and their personalities. In my case our families are soooo different I would never have my family and his dad’s family be alone in a room together.

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