(Closed) Fiance Dumped Me (long)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would not take someone like that back. It sounds like he was manipulated by his (awful) family and is in turn manipulating you. “Don’t change your number/email but don’t contact me”? That’s crazy. In essence, what he is saying is, “I don’t want to be with you but I don’t want you to move on.” Please, please, don’t give him the upper hand here. If he’s capable of doing something so cruel out of the blue once, he can (and probably will) do it again. Be strong. Hugs!

Post # 4
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

I don’t know what else to say besides I’m sorry.  It’s terrible that something like this happend to you.  I hope whatever happens it is ultimately, what you want.

Post # 5
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

First I want to say that I an so sorry for everything that yo uhave had to go through with dealing with his family and ultimately the hurt you must be feeling over this recent chain of event with your finance. I am a strong believer in cutting your losses and moving on. I was in a relationship where I was hated by my partner’s family and came to the conclusion that most people aren’t going to choose another person over their parents even though they may really love you. I lost that battle and was very hurt by it, but 5 years later I can honestly look back and se that it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I deeply hope that you all CAN find a way to work things out, but just know that if things don’t mend themselves for you and this guy, then most likely he isn’t the guy that’s meant for you.

No matter what, be strong, and don’t let this cause you to question your self or the love that you’ve given.

 

Post # 6
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

You need to move on. Change your number and your email, block him from contacting you. Yes, you love him, but he can never love you the way he should, because of his family.  I personally could never marry a man whose family didn’t love me, no matter how much I love him.  I see what some girls on here go through, and it breaks my heart to see that they are losing out on so much by being with a man whose family hates them. 

You need to grieve over this, then move on, and find someone who can love you the way you deseerve, and whose family can accept you for you, not what they expect you to be ((HUGS))

Post # 7
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Take the break and CHANGE YOUR #!!!! Do not tell him of course that you changed it. And definitely do not tell him what the new # is. Let him find you on his own. I am sure he can wait outside your work/house/etc.

I cannot say with confidence that he is an ass or not. Clearly he did not waste his 6 yrs with you. His family was able to mainpulate him into thinking that he clearly does not love you anymore. The conniving kind of people can do this VERY easily.

He will get his head together in that month. He will wait to see if you contact him via text or not. DON’T DO IT!!! Do not give him the benefit of that! You don’t want him thinking that you still want him after what he did. He will start feeling one of two things and they are BOTH in your favour: 1) She has really moved on; 2) I really hurt her. Both will force him to apologize to you. For that, he has to find you. Which then becomes the ultimate be all/end all for him… Will he bother doing what I said above (waiting outside your home/work, etc.), or will he give up?

If he gives up, why would you want him anyway? He is throwing away 6 yrs worth of goodnesss. How can he EVER be trusted again!? Especially when he isn’t even making a REAL EFFORT to get you back? Are you not worth it? Of course you are! Time will tell whether you are worth it to HIM or not.

 

Post # 8
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

🙁 So sorry this has happened to you. I would be so confused, hurt, and upset as well. The fact that his entire attitude seems to have changed the same day he met with his Dad and brother is a bit odd to me. It’s possible his family did have something to do with it, but unfortunately if they did it’s still on him to stand up for what he wants and who makes him happy. And if you stayed with someone who listened to his family over you – and a family who doesn’t like you, no less – it would end up becoming a nightmare eventually. Couples can exist and be happy without their families’ support, but only if the couple is on the same page.

(hugs)

Post # 9
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would e-mail him or text him (since he won’t answer a phone call) after you have figured out exactly how YOU feel. And tell him exactly how you feel.

Breaking up with you the way he did it is not fair. Out of the blue, he told you this and then said you can’t talk again until after a month. So you had no time to get yourself together and tell him how you feel.

The point of the message (if it were me) would be that if he truly did not love me or want to be with me, I would change my contact info and I would not want a meetup after a month. To be fair to myself, I would need to break every tie with him in order to get myself over him and get on with my life. To keep myself available to him would not be fair for me. 

 

Srsly… if he wants to break up with you, okay… it happens. It’s not a happy thing, but it does happen. For him to control you still and make sure that you are there if he changes his mind… NOT OKAY.

Post # 10
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

6 years and he does this?

There are two ways this happened

A) His confession was the truth in which case, you don’t want him back!

B) His parents somehow convinced him this was how he felt, and in which case you don’t want him back.

 

I know its waaaaaaaaaaay easier said than done but I urge you to cut off all contact with him. Change your number, block him, Defriend him on FB, the whole shebang.

 
ETA: this sounds like some episode of Gossip Girl where they threatened to take away his inheritance if he didn’t break things off.  This is just ridiculous to me and ((HUGS))

Post # 11
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I know it sounds like a soap opera but something similar happened to a firend of mine… onlly she was in your FI’s position. She was with her man for 6 years and the entire time her family was against the relationship. They said he wasn’t good enough for her without even meeting him! They told her to break up with him in the beginning but she just lied to her parents. Long story short, there was a lot of drama and threats of cutting her off, etc. over 6 years and then finally her parents offered her a “deal”. Break up with him for 6 months. Don’t contact him, act like he doesn’t exist and date a few other people. If after those 6 months, she still feels like she can’t get over him and he’s “the one”, then they will give her their blessing to date/marry him. Her parents were convinced that she was only with him out of convienence and if she experienced life without him for a little bit, she would see that she could do better.

Maybe your FI’s parents did something similar where they are giving him an ultimatum of some sort. He just has to get through this one month and then you can be together? I don’t know… I don’t want to give you false hope but his behavior is really unusual. It doesn’t seem right that he would just turn on you like that out of nowhere… plus asking to meet up again in one month. Why? What’s the point if he truly believes that he doesn’t love you anymore? I just can’t shake the feeling something else is going on…

Either way, I agree that you should take this month to grieve and try to move on. Something fishy might be going on, but do you really want to be a part of that? Just take time for yourself. If it were me though, I wouldn’t change my number. I think that’s more trouble than it’s worth.

Post # 12
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

If his family’s opinion sways his so much that he will dump you, when you’re engaged to be married, because they don’t “believe” you’re a Christian, then I’m sorry, he did not love you the way you need to love someone to be married to them. And telling you not to change YOUR contact information, but don’t contact him, he’ll contact YOU is just ridiculous. Why does he get to call all the shots? He can’t have it both ways! If he wants the lines of communication to stay open to you, he better accept that you are a person involved in this and you have EVERY right to contact him and work through this one way or another. That is just bullshit. 

Post # 13
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@bijou214:Interesting. Did they end up back together?

Post # 14
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh honey!  I know all about those uber Christians spouting off about yolk, lol!  Are they born again, by any chance? I have a cousin who was constantly on a quest for someone equally “yolked” to her.  I am a Christian, but I refuse to push my beliefs on people.  Some Christians, especially born again, are bad about that.  Honestly, if I were you, I would only take him back with the deal that his family would be kept at arm’s length.  Otherwise, I’d cut my losses.  You don’t want to deal with psychos for the rest of your life.  I can guarantee his father and brother were putting things in your FI’s head the day he flipped on you.  It is really easy, sometimes, for someone’s family to brainwash them.

Post # 15
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. Unfortunately, I have no “sound advice” for you — except to BE STRONG for yourself and follow your heart. I’m a true and avid believer of “everything happens for a reason”. I know it’s one of those stupid quotes that can really piss people off, but I do believe it.

If your FI’s family could turn him THAT MUCH against you in a span of less than 24 hours, then you don’t want him. I completely agree with @Oneeleven: and her post. You don’t want him either way. It’s not called a break up/hang around. It’s called a break up for a reason. LET. HIM. GO. You sound too good for him or his snotty family anyways.

Big Hugs and Keep us Posted!

Post # 16
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@bijou214: Wow! How horribly, horribly manipulative. I hope that if she went along with that little plan her boyfriend was relieved to be shown what an awful person she is and didn’t take her back! OP, if this is what your FI is doing, consider yourself lucky that he showed his weakness of will BEFORE the marriage and get out!

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