Fiance Emotionally Cheated–LONG but need advice!!!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@aliciaw17:  really sorry you are going through this. If she sent him naked pictures of herself that’s not exactly what I would call emotional cheating.. And he was still texting her when you were there? That’s messed up. When is he moving back for good?  How did you find out what he’d been doing? How do you know for sure it was never physical?

Post # 4
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Is his job always going to involve months of travel where you’ll be separate for months at a time? If so I don’t know that you could trust him again. It will definitely take some time and set boundaries but at the end of the day you will never know what he is doing while he’s traveling so you need to figure out if that’s something you can deal with or not.

Post # 5
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I would not be able to continue a relationship with him unless he came home now and agreed to never have contac with her again, and gave you open access to his email, voice mail, texts, whatever you want until you can trust him. He cheated. He doesn’t deserve trust and needs to earn it back. I don’t care what the consequences of these decisions would be with his hobbit frankly I would not care. If he wanted to be with me he would do whatever it took to earn my trust back and that is what it would take. Others may think its extreme but it is what I would need.  Otherwise we would be done. 

Post # 7
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Oh man, sorry this is happening to you. Unfortunately, marriage doesn’t fix things. You two should be the happiest you have and will ever be with each other right now. 

It sounds like you both could make some changes. If that doesn’t work, I’d be hesitant to go through with the marriage. 

Post # 8
Member
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Ugh, I’m sorry. 

I hate that he was still messaging her constantly while you were up there to visit him. He should have been ecstatic to see you, but instead he was texting her? I really think I would have to postpone wedding to make sure he was ready for this commitment. 

Post # 9
Member
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m with the PP.  How do you know for sure it wasn’t physical?  Gosh, I don’t know what kind of advice to give.  I feel like this is such a terrible way to begin your marriage that you will always, always remember when reflecting on this time of your life that’s supposed to be exciting and full of love ….. This would take me a long time to get over, but only you know you.  I think I would always be sketched when he traveled for work from then on and I couldn’t live like that.

How did you feel initially compared to now?  Do you see yourself forgiving him in the future enough to not hold it against him internally?  Does he deserve that kind of forgiveness?

 

Post # 11
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Just knowing what you wrote, I would say move on and find someone better.  How would he react if he found out that the tables were turned and you were sending naked pictures to a guy?  I just don’t think this is excusable espcially if you traveled halfway across the world to visit him and he’s sitting there texting her?  You deserve to be in a loving relationship where he respects you…I just don’t think I could ever look at him the same way.  Hugs and good luck!!!

Post # 12
Member
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@aliciaw17:  I want to urge you to not talk to any more friends about this.  Or your family.  If you choose to forgive him and move forward with the wedding, you will regret airing your dirty laundry out because they will never, ever think of him the same ever again.  If you can forgive him, it’s because you love him and that outweighs what he did …. but your friends aren’t in love with him, so they can’t move on the same way.

I think I would go home if I were you.  I mean, of course, you need to follow your own gut, but I’m pretty sure I’d pack up and fly back and have some “me” time where I don’t respond to his texts or calls and figure out what I truly want, without being swayed by his crocodile tears and apologies.  I think he deserves to be scared of losing you, and I don’t think it will seem real while you are still there staying with him.

Or go somewhere else!!  Fly partway home and just take a few days to explore a city you have a layover in or something.  Do you for a few days, figure out what you want, and let him sweat and lose sleep over it ….

Post # 13
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@aliciaw17:  Wow, so sorry…how did you find out? I must have missed that part. Not only did he cheat, but he lied to you about texting her, so how do you know he hasn’t  slept with her? The fact that he was texting HER while you flew half way around the world is ridiculous! I would consider moving forward if you had access to EVERYTHING. I feel like he is hiding more from you…I get that he can’t help that she sent him a naked pic of her, but he should have ceased ALL contact with her after that. If this were to have happened begore my wedding, I would have at least postponed or broken the engagement. 

Post # 15
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

This stinks, big time. I am sorry you had to fly half way around the world to find all of this out.

I don’t think he wants to be with you anymore. Seriously, he was texting some other chick while you, his FI that he allegedly is in love with, were sitting right across from him? The only way he could more clearly indicate that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore would be to man up and actually say it to your face instead of spewing out chicken ship lies.

Fact of the matter that this is the kind of man he is. Actions speak louder than words, and he has told you loud and clear that he is a cheater. Suffering from a emotional issue or mental illness does not justify acting like a terrible human.

Post # 16
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@LoveBugBee:  I agree. This sounds like a man who is no longer in love but not man enough to break it off.:(

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors