(Closed) Fiance family drama, what to do?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think you should respect his wishes. Give him a pen and paper and have him write down everyone that he wants to have there. Your family probably already knows that he and his parents don’t get along. That is what I would do. We have family members on both sides that we are not inviting because we don’t want drama on our day. You and your fiance are the most important people to be at the wedding. Try not to worry yourself about it. I know easier said than done, but it would make him happy.

Post # 4
Member
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Personal opinion here:

I think its FH and your day. If he doesnt want them there, they shouldnt be there. The idea is to make the best day for you and him and not a miserable day focused on his family. You have to respect his wishes. And for people that ask you can just say, Oh they just couldnt come! no problem 🙂 not everyone needs to know details.

Post # 5
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think it depends on why he is estranged from his family (not that I’m saying you need to reveal their issues here).  There are several problems in FI’s family between his sister and the rest of the family (which have affected his feelings toward his sister and her family).  In my family, there are some issues between my uncle and the rest of the family.  Neither of us would dream of excluding those people despite these problems, but that’s because the problems are not super serious.  However, I think we have both tried hard to reach out to each other’s problem relatives, and lovingly try to remind each other of the importance of family as issues arise.  Although I sometimes want FI to rail against my uncle, in my heart I’m truely happy that he has an outside opinion about our family dynamics which balances my knee-jerk reactions. Through these efforts, I think that our family relationships have improved over the time we’ve been together.

However, if your FI’s problems with his family are regarding very serious issues or involve some past irreconcilable breaks, then I think that you have to go along with his opinion.  Overall though, you have until 2011….if there is a chance at some form of reconciliation, I think you should work toward that with a wedding invite being the end result of some relationship mending success.  If there are serious problems up until that point, and then they come to the wedding, the result might be way too much family drama on your special day.

 

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