(Closed) Fiance Family Drama

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you should have your FI talk to his brother about your concerns over th GF wearing the dress to the wedding. If you try to push the issue of getting the dress from her she might get more spiteful. I can see her being upset about you forgetting her circulation problems, but it seems like she blew that issue way out of proportion. 

If she is behaving like that I don’t think you need her in your party anyway. Have you tried to talk with her to clear things up? Maybe there is a misunderstanding somewhere on her end. If you called a cell phone maybe hers glitched and didn’t recieve your calls/messages properly? 

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

to be completely honest – if someone was so uncompromising on shoes for me to wear i would be pisssed, i have big feet and i simply can not go to just any store and get my size so if i offered to match as closely as possible i would hope the bride would understand – especially if i had a medical condition

as far as her wearing the dress – ummmm, i dont get that at all and yes i think its a little bit tacky, hopefully she will alter it at least but if she wears it i think she will be the one that looks silly

my advise (which most wont agree with i guess) is to let it go and breathe, ignore it as its one bump in the wedding, your FI and his relationship with his brother is more important than slugging it out over a dress (unless FI and BIL can discuss this reasonably but when it comes to GF’s i find that rare), your wedding day IS important but i think the family relationship is just as important and hopefully one day down the track you can laugh about crazy BIL ex gf in the bridesmaid dress

im sorry this is so sucky for you but the wedding isnt too far away so focus on what you can control and try to block out the negative from others wishing to upset you

Post # 5
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think you and her need to have a conversation because it seems like there is a huge misunderstanding between you two and clearing it up might prevent future issues. I think if she shows up in the dress, it would reflect oddly on her because people would be wondering why is a girl in the same dress as the bridal party. Also, you just tell your photographer who your party is and who you want in the pictures, she doesn’t have to be included. However, if shes a family favorite, you might want to try to make some peace. 

More than once you state that you have the conversation on your phone and even thought your FI has gone through it, I don’t think that’s going to matter with his family. I wouldn’t go around smearing her or pulling out phone records to prove your case. Instead I think you need to go straight to the source and see if you can get a result before your wedding!

Post # 6
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow that is insane! I agree with eloping on this one, and try to just see it as one bump in the marriage planning. Your FI and his brothers relationship is more important than this crazy women. 

I will agree though that I would be so angry with this rude individual. Sometimes when you ask people to do things in your wedding they immediately call you a bridezilla, even if it is reasonable. She should of informed you sooner about all her medical problems that would interfere with your wedding. It seems like she did not want to be part of your bridal party or else she would have been more involved. 

If she does wear your BM dress (so tacky!) I would ask my photographer to not take ANY pics of her at all lol! I do not know if that possible though. Maybe asking her to be part of your BM was not a good idea especially if you did not know her so well, but what’s done is done. Good luck, at least your FI is on your side.

Post # 7
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

i agree with eloping…if someone had been that unbending about shoes and then expected me to pay for them too, i’d have been pretty annoyed.  i DON’T have a medical condition and i can’t handle 3″ heels for more than about 15 minutes or else i’m mincing for the rest of the day and sore for days afterward.  i’d trip over my own feet during the recessional from my feet hurting so bad.  my personal opinion is that the only thing the bridesmaid is expected to pay for is the dress…if you want them to be uniform beyond that, it’s on you.  did you explain to her that you forgot she’d told you about the medical condition and apologize?

anyway, the whole thing with the shoes aside, the dress thing is just absurd.  but i agree that she’s the one who’s going to look silly, not you.  i’d just let it go, write it off.  any attempt at trying to stop her is most likely going to backfire horribly, it sounds like.  if she wants to make a fool of herself, that’s on her.

Post # 8
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Pupperoni: excellent advice!

Post # 9
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I completely concur with monkeyface, the phone records aren’t going to matter to the family, and it would be most effective to just speak to her in person about everything.

I doubt you’re being rude or barking orders, but in my opinion, forcing your girls to wear 3 inch heels is demanding. 3 inches are NOT standard, and can be very painful/awkward for people that aren’t used to wearing them. One or two inches? Maybe… 3 inches? Nope. It’s understandable that you forgot about her nerve condition, but I’m sure that REALLY fired her up and made her upset when she’s thinking to herself “I told her about this before and she just doesn’t care!” That’s probably part of why you’re getting so much attitude.

Good luck with this, I hope you can smooth things over, and if not, just realize that it will end up being a small bump in your day if that- she’s going to look stupid if she matches the bridal party but doesn’t get to stand up there.

 

Post # 10
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Everyone seems to be missing the fact that all items that the bridesmaids were going to wear were up on a website page for 3 weeks for each girl to say yes or no to.  The FBIL’s GF didn’t bother to say anything until AFTER the 3 weeks were up and the other ladies started buying the shoes.  In fact the only reason the op got ANY answer from the GF was because she tacked it on to an answer about her dress being in the shop.

Based on that, I’m failing to see how the OP was being inconsiderate.  

Op – I agree that the phone records probably aren’t going to mean diddly to his family.  Maybe you, FI, FBIL, and FBIL’s GF need to all get together and have a chat about this face to face, because it does seem like there have maybe been some misunderstandings.

Post # 12
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have to be honest here….I cannot wear heels, no matter how “small” they are. I simply cannot walk in them. When I was a bridesmaid for my now sister in law she got everyone the same shoes which were heels and I was determined to try to wear them. I tried walking around the house but I just could not do it. So I offered to get my own flats in a similar style like your bridesmaid(S) had. My sister in law just laughed it off and was thankful that I was honest instead of stumbling down the ailse and knocking everyone over. And anyway by the evening ALL the bridesmaids had taken their shoes off.

I don’t think she was being unreasonable about the shoes, especially as she offered to find them herself. And if another bridesmaid also wanted to wear flats then I think maybe it would have been better to let them both/all wear flats. Does it even matter if their shoes don’t match? I understand about dresses but as long as their shoes are similar does it really matter?

Shoes aside though it is a little unfair to be so unresponsive and 4 weeks is a long time so I can understand your frustration to a degree but at the same time I think you need to consider that it might be a genuine concern about wearing heels, and also whether it REALLY matters. Who is really going to sit there pointing out the fact that the bridesmaids shoes don’t match? Perhaps it was this over-attention to detail that has caused all this bad feeling and behaviour since the shoes incident.

I don’t really know what to suggest you do now as she’s obviously peed off with you and is probably acting out of spite. It does sound like you’ve tried to make amends though. Maybe just back off fromm her completely. IF she turns up at your wedding wearing a dress that matches the bridesmaids SHE will look ridiculous, not anyone else, so you don’t need to worry about that in all honesty.

 

Post # 14
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Okay I was all ready to defend your bridesmaid until I saw your update where she wore higher heels that a bridesmaid…what a freaking bitch. What did your BIL have to say about that?

Post # 15
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

@luckygirl0401: That’s just wrong. And here all those bees were commenting on how inconsiderate you were being. Just goes to show: sometimes you can’t take things at face value.

I don’t think you were the bad guy at all and I am sorry that she was so obviously lying and trying to stir up drama at your wedding. Was it lovely besides that?

Post # 16
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have to say good for you for not commenting the day of that with her wearing high heels that your glad her nerve damage didn’t prevent her from wearing 3+ inchs…but I’m a [email protected] LOL. 

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