- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2011
Ok so someone please please help me navigate these waters because I am so completely lost.
I have always had a bit of a strained relationship with my Fiances family. As of late as the wedding looms closer I am getting more and more resistance from the whole lot of them. Recently I decided to ask my future Brother in Law’s Girl Friend to be a BM in the wedding. At first she said yes and was completely exctied. She was a little worried because she lives 3 hours away from all of the places I would be shopping for all of her attire. She agreed anyway.
I set up a facebook link for all of the girls to see pictures of potential items that they would be wearing and gave them roughly a 3 week span on each item and its price to say yes, no, or please choose something else before I would say, ok ladies this is what you need to wear please go get it. I made EVERY girl aware of this link and made them aware of new posts.
I really didn’t hear from her much after asking her as she is a very very busy person and I never got any feedback from her about any of the items. Until I posted a pair of shoes. I had them posted for four weeks and the other girls started purchasing and special ordering them. They were non returnable as in 4 weeks they had gone on clearance. I had already had a talk with another BM because others had already bought them and she wanted to wear something else telling her no because it wasn’t fair to the other girls. Then I get an email from the bridal salon about the FBIL GF dress being in so I call her and leave her a voice mail to let her know it was there. These are the txt’s I recieved back, “I got an email the day it came in. I am working right now and it will be a while before I can get up there. I am not going to be able to do those heels. My feet can’t take it. I will look for a flat with a similar design though.”
I replied back honestly a little annoyed because I had just had this fight with another BM because she wanted to wear flats just to wear them. People these are only 3 inch heels pretty standard nothing crazy. SO, I replied back that the other girls had already purchased theirs and that it would not be fair to let her wear flats after I had already told another BM no. “These are the shoes please tell me your size and I will go get them for you and you can pay me back later when you can. You can wear what ever shoes you want for the reception but for the ceremony and pictures 1.5 hours I need you in these shoes.”
To which she replies, “I need to sleep I will talk to you about this tomorrow when I have time”
So the next day I tried calling her to talk about it three times I even left a voicemail offering to buy her some flip flops or something. I have phone records.
The next day, I get this message. It appears that this is not going to work out I cannot physically wear those shoes. I have poor circulation and nerve damage. Any amount of time in them will hurt me for days. I really appreciate this offer to be a part of your wedding I think that I am going to have to bow out, I am sorry.
Now before I tell you my reply I need to tell you that she had explained the nerve damage thing to me at Christmas when I offered her a pair of my flats for church and she couldn’t wear them. This is the middle of June I had honest and truly forgotten. I’ve only known this girl a little over a year and if I list everything that is wrong with her you would understand it is really hard to keep up.
I replied back to her telling her that it was a shame that she felt that way, especially since she had already purchased her dress and we had already gotten her BM gift, (engraved non returnable… this is two months before our wedding almost to the day.) I told her I didn’t know about the nerve damage and I explained that I wish she had told me sooner. (I really forgot that she had told me.) I could take that to the girls and the other shoes wouldnt be a problem if not I didn’t know if I could replace her.
This is what I got back, “You have no humiliation. I told you first off that I CANNOT wear those shoes. I am not going to be put through a guilt trip from you and I will not be told that I did not call you. I told you to call me back but you didn’t. I am not going to be told what I can and can not do from you. DO NOT DARE TELL ME THAT YOU ARE THE VICTIM HERE!”
I don’t know where the hell this came from and it has taken every fiber of my bieng not to explode on this girl because she is some piece of work that I did NOT see coming. I tried to call her but couldnt reach her. Again I have phone records. So my Fiance called his brother to find out what was going on. His brother told him that I had been barking orders and that I was outright lying about how I was speaking and treating people and that I was extremely rude with everyone. THIS was the last straw. I broke down and lost my mind I have the kind of phone that saves whole conversations. I can delete it but you can go on the company page sign in and look at your entire text log to get at things. I have everything from the wedding every last text and my Fiance read them all and could not find at one instance that I had been rude. So he asked me to arrange this BM a refund for her dress and be done with it. So I did. She got her refund after another month of me trying to reach her for an address for her refund check because the salon was threatening to keep her money. She never once called the salon or me back so I gave the salon my address to mail her check to me and I would hand it to her.
Now yesterday I saw her. I find out that she decided to keep her dress. After all of this I decided it would not be fair for her to keep a dress that was not going to be used for the wedding. So I offered her her original spot in the bridal party again but with the shoes she needed. She said NO…. Now I turn my back for a min and I over hear her tell my fiance’s brother who also happens to be a groomsman that she is planning to wear it to the wedding anyway to match him in pictures. I can’t help but be completely outraged. What if she shows up in it? She is no longer a member of our bridal party. I DO NOT want her in any pictures. Do I offer to buy it from her? I don’t know what to do I am completely stunned.
Please help me. I don’t know how to handle this without making the entire family angry. They all love her. THEY ALL think that I am lying about this whole thing. Help!