(Closed) Fiancé family issues

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

$7000 for a rehearsal dinner? Whoa baby!!! Is it that much because it’s at a high end restaurant? Inviting a lot of people? If your FI’s family is well off financially $7000 might be like $500 to you and I and she doesn’t think it’s extravagent.

If you spoke to your FSIL and all is good how does her mother wanting to spend 7 grand on a dinner change anything? Isn’t that a seperate issue?

Post # 6
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Danidakota:  Okay…deep breaths. 

If your FMIL is paying for and planning the rehearsal, her budget is her business.  I wouldn’t automatically think that she was trying to “outdo” you.  If you were having a huge expensive wedding (let’s say $50,000 for example) that was being paid for by your parents, would you be embarassed/upset if your FMIL threw a $500 rehearsal?  Hopefully not.  It’s really nice of her to plan and pay; lots of people get no offers of help.  It’s not going to make your wedding “look bad”.  It’s another party being thrown in your honour.

That being said, I wouldn’t let any more passive aggressive comments about your budget (my budget top end was $15000 too) go.  Your coping mechanisms for dealing with conflict need to be addressed as well.  Just not talking to someone only makes the problem worse.  If she makes any more negative comments, I would address them outright- same with your FSIL.

Post # 7
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t say this to her, of course, but if she “doesn’t even know where to start” when working with budget constraints, that doesn’t reflect all that well on her wedding planning skills. It’s not that difficult to do something fantastic when you get to draw on an unlimited budget. I would think that a truer test of someone’s abilities would be to pull off a great wedding while working within resource limitations.

I would also think that, as a professional, she would have enough sense to realize that a spendy, splashy rehearsal dinner is going to be a little out of sync with the wedding you’re planning. Again, I think that reflects questionably on her professional judgement.

It’s gotta be your call, though, whether and how to talk to her about this. She is going to be your family going forward, and so now is a good time to learn how to handle disagreements and conflicts. Are you going to stay quiet and simply deal with her choices and whether or not they complement yours? Are you going to speak up and try to find a way to work with her? That’s something you need to sort out for yourself.

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