- 4 months ago
Hi – I’m Ryan
I’ve come across this site from Google after searching for every bit of advice I can. From the looks of things this site seems like its predominantly for women / by women. So I’m sorry if this is not the right place to post this.
The fact is – There has been a lot of great conversations about this kind of thing here and a lot of viewpoints that has struck a chord I can relate to. Males don’t really talk to each other about this kind of thing.
In short – I need a bit of help… I’ve never been more lost in my life… So anyone that can spare the time, it would be appreciated.
I’ve been engaged to my partner for a year now – shes a pilot and travels a fair bit for work. I’m in IT so I’ve been able to follow her around for the past four years. It has been fantastic because we can travel around for her flight basing (Which is usually fairly remote) and as long as I have internet and laptop I’ve been able to work and support our way.
She got a new job had to go to the UK for training – she was gone for 2 months.
The timezone difference was tough (essentially being opposites) on our communication while she was away. I could sense that she was getting a little bit distant and at times would get angry over little things that were never an issue previously.
I feel ashamed to admit – I snooped a little bit….She had left her Facebook signed in at home on our computer and I saw that she had been flirting with her colleague in the UK. The conversation was along the lines of:
Her: I have to admit, I’ve been thinking of you a little lately
Him: I have been thinking about you, not sure why :p
After seeing this…. I was in shock and the scenarios were running through my head at a million miles an hour. My world was crumbling and I didn’t know what to do.
I decided to confront her the next day and asked her about it..
She played it down like I had taken it out of context and that it was to do with another conversation.
Later, I questioned her about this and she admitted that she lied and that she was flirting with him.
Two weeks later she came back from the UK and came home. We talked about everything. I told her that my trust for her had taken a hit and that if we were to rebuild on this she would need to be open with me.
I asked her if they had done anything physical or was it just flirting – She said: Nothing physical at all, just flirting.
I asked her if she had feelings for him – She said “Absolutely not”
I asked her if she still loved me – She said Yes, You’re my soulmate.
I asked if I had done anything wrong or if there somehow I can improve on anything – She said No, it was all just a mistake and it was nothing that I had done.
There were some days I would get my own head and I keep thinking to myself “i’m not good enough” and asking why she would be looking elsewhere.
She has been making a point to do little things, like tell me that I love you and no one else – This made a big difference to me and made me comfortable that we would be ok and get through this bump in the road.
She has now gone back to training on her new job
My insecurities got the better of me being at home by myself and I looked at her social media – I know this was wrong.. but my trust had been shattered and I had let my mind get the better of me..
I found her flirting with him again..
When I had dropped her off at the airport a few days ago there was a message to him saying “Hi, I know its late – Just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you”
I’ve never been more hurt in my life….
I cant shake this feeling of pure heartache.
I don’t know whether to confront her straight away or wait until she comes home in 5 days.
I’ve written down everything I feel I need to say to her.
Please see below…