Post # 1
We had this arguement yesterday about how I feel that he isn’t putting much effort into our wedding. I’ve come up with all the ideas, found/contacted/done everything with the venue, contacted/set up appointment with the photog, and other stuff im sure i can’t think of at the moment. All his “job” was to do was contact the priest to confirm the date, and contact a second church closer to our venue to see if we can hold it there, annnnnd nothing. The priest said “ok” and he can’t seem to get in touch with the second church. After I had set up the photog appt he came home and said he found some, which were all creepy dudes (which I’m against, and really like the photogs i found, AND they’re pretty cheap in my opinon) Am I just being weird here? I just feel frustrated by this and im trying to get as much stuff done in advance so I’m not like freaking out two months before the wedding. He’s just much more passive, laid back and a procrastinator than i am.. so yeah… any advice?
Post # 3
This may not be true, but do you shoot down his ideas? Big or small? If you like your ideas or choices over his maybe he just feels it’s easier to stay out of the way.
Most guys are not the party planning type, even for little tasks…I would lighten up, tell him how much it means to you, and that you hope it means enough to him to get a move on things because you’re so excited to marry him.
Don’t make an argument out of it…if it becomes one… I would enlist the help from a bridesmaid or your parents/In laws.
Post # 4
He’s a guy, most guys don’t care about the details of the wedding. If it’s really a big deal to you then sit down and talk to him about it but honestly I would just let it go. My fiance is the exact same way and I would much rather do it all on my own then get frustrated with him because he isn’t doing what I want him to. It’s not worth the hassle.
Post # 5
We have to learn not to hold our fiances to our own standards, and we have to learn to give up a little control here and there to let them actually own a task (or agree to just own that task ourselves and not involve them). Men in general don’t get into the whole wedding planning thing, and while there are definitely some exceptions out there, I’d reckon it’s pretty common for the man’s eyes to glaze over at the mention of “lightly marinated beef tenderloin flame-grilled and presented with a drizzle of balsamic reduction and a crispy fried onion tower.” It just does not hold their interest, whereas we ladies have grown up with fashion, fashion, fashion and we have a lot of fun choosing china patterns and making the tablecloths match the wallpaper.
So my advice: if he feels he wants to own a task, then let him own it and trust his judgement. Live with whatever decision he makes. When talking about tasks, be clear on what the “deliverable” is and when it’s due. if you want him to talk to the church, let him know when he should have that done, but let him do it on his own timeline (as long as it meets the deadline you both agree on) and in his own way. Don’t feel slighted if he doesn’t seem as excited as you.
Post # 6
@Miarose: I’m sorry! I feel your frustration. I would let your FI off the hook on this one, if you can. And, like the PP said, ask your parents/in laws and bridemaid to help you. // My FI has a Type A personality. And, he has been avoiding wedding related stuff like the plague. Like most guys, he really doesn’t sweat the small stuff like we do. Since my FI did offer to help, I’ve given the FI the task of planning our honeymoon; and, he will be purchasing the booze for our reception.
Post # 7
Part of the issue is he procrastinates so much and I don’t think he can come to realize that you can’t wait until 2 months before the wedding to book the photographer ect.
My mom and MoH(my sister) are relatively clueless tho, so i’m doing it ALL on my own.
he asked to make a list. so i’m gonig to sit down with him and make him have a list with a time line I see appropriate.
I would typically just like to do everything on my own, but its frustrating and overwhelming at some points. And like, i can’t call his parents to get the addresses of his family (we aren’t close like that).
I try to let alot of things go, but i guess just becaus ei feel overwhelmed its frustrating me
Post # 8
Funny story to make you feel better about your FI:
I asked FI to book the officiant also. I reserved the date through the umbrella company and FI was suppose to confirm with the officiant personally. FI ended up rebooking the officiant for a second date two weeks after our wedding because he couldn’t remember our date. All he could remember was the “long weekend in August” – of course there are two, just my luck! The officiant was like… this is so strange, I have two weddings in the same month in the same place under the same last name.
Thank god FI’s cute! …because he’s definetly not wedding planner material 🙂
Post # 9
You are in the right. I get annoyed by people thinking simply because someone is a Man that they should get pass to planning their OWN WEDDING, there are so many things to be done that have nothing to do all the little details. He is your partner and its time he starts acting like it. I have very busy from march until early summer at my job. My Fi who by the way is manly man fishing, hunting, sports type guy has been more then compatant and taken the lead in picking out some vendors, finishing up contracts, making choices, and talking to the wedding planner.
People are like wow he so great you a lucky girl that he “helping you” well he not helping me he helping us and himself because it’s just as much his wedding as mine. Some people really enjoy the planning and so they don’t care if their spouse helps or not. But I work just as much, I’m just as busy, and I don’t get into all the little diy stuff, so I think my fi should be just as invovled me becuase I don’t love all those aspects of wedding planning.
Post # 10
@TwoCityBride: thank you. I’m glad someone else does feel like I do. I tell him its our wedding, he needs to put in the effort as well.
@Nicoso: oh man, thats SO something my fiance would do. haha