Post # 1
FI has always had very stong opinions on clothing, and in turn wedding dresses. Because I know this I asked him what his wedding dress preferences are before I seriously start looking, naturally.
WELL… he dislikes veils of any kind, lace, bows, beading, sequins, “big” skirts (not sure what he classifies as “big”…) OH MY!
But then he also says that I look beautiful in anything, and that I should pick what I want even if its heinous. So half of me thinks I shouldn’t worry about his preferences…
but gosh… I really don’t want him to think my dress is HEINOUS…
I don’t want him to see the dress before the day of. Regularly I would just have him come with me and help me pick, because we tend to agree when we shop together. I just don’t want to regret doing that.
I suppose I could go shopping and try to keep in line with what he claims to hate, but his list included just about everything so I think that would just get me frustrated.
What do you guys think I should do? I’d love to hear some different opinions. Thanks!
Post # 3
@Gabthebee: I cant even begin to count the reasons I’ve pointed something out, FI’s hated it and then the second I’ve put it on he’s loved it.
Alot of men struggle to picture something on you.
No matter what he will think you look beautiful in your wedding day, just wear what you want to wear.
Post # 4
@Gabthebee: Have him go through a magazine and actually pick things out he likes. He may say he hates lace, but does he hate all lace? Or just dresses that are completely lace?
In the end, you are wearing it, so YOU have to be happy with it. I didn’t pick a dress I loved because I knew that he would hate it (fully beaded mermaid). I found a dress I loved just as much that I knew he would love, too. So you can take his opinion into consideration and still get a dress you love.
Post # 5
@Gabthebee: You pick out what YOU like, and don’t invite him to be part of the wardrobe decisions! Problem solved…
I would bet $$ that what he THINKS he hates, he does not really hate, but he actually hates his own ideas about what “wedding dresses” look like…. probably based on 90’s – 2000’s outdated styles or imagining that you will look like a girl at a high school prom from the same decades.
My DH said he didn’t like lace because it reminded him of grandma tablecloths/curtains. I wore a lace dress, and he thought I was beautiful… because I was, and he is a silly man with silly prejudices against feminine fabrics!
Post # 6
@Gabthebee: My DH told me after I bought my giant tulle ballgown that he likes slim silhouettes better… this was also while I was going trhough some majoy dress regret. Not showing him the dress was super hard because I share everything with him and I really wanted to get his opinion, but he really wanted to keep it traditional. Fastforward to the wedding, he told me that he thought I was the most beautiful woman in the world and he loved the dress – And I did too!
My advice… Get the dress that makes you feel amazing whn you put it on… not the one that suits the venue or that will please your hubby or anyone else. On the day of he will think you are beautiful no matter what you are wearing and as long as you feel fabulous everyone else will think that too!
Post # 7
I think you should try what YOU like, and what you think will look the most flattering on you, and buy what speaks to you. I have read so many threads here like this just to have the person then say that the day their DH saw them in their dress the only thing he thought was how great she looked. Unless he’s David Tuttera, he really has NO clue what he’s talking about in regards to dresses.
You could probably compromise and not wear a veil 😉
Post # 8
I have no problem with FI seeing my dress prior to the wedding so I showed him pictures of the dresses I tried on. My second choice was shot down almost immeadiately because of eyelash lace and he didn’t like the ivory lace over ivory fabric on the top of the gown. Later we were talking about my dress and I brought up why he didn’t like the other one and reason two was mentioned. I laughed at him and told him my dress (which he likes) has the same thing. He didn’t believe me until I showed him a picture again. Seeing the dresses in person is also way different than seeing pictures.
Perhaps you can show your FI pictures of the samples you try on to see what he thinks, but not tell him which dress you get.
Post # 9
I will also add that if he is generally very opinionated about how you dress, telling you that what you are wearing looks bad/good on you and helping you shop so that you look the way he prefers… then he may feel the same way about a wedding dress.
Do you often pick out styles on clothing that he dislikes and persuades you not to buy or wear?
I personally, could not handle my DH dictating my fashion choices like that, but I know some women don’t care and like to wear what their SO’s prefer.
If your FI is usually very involved in your wardrobe choices, then go ahead and involve him in the wedding dress shopping. No need to stress over it so much. However, if you have always imagined looking a certain way (for example, wearing a veil) I would consider telling him to butt out! He will think you are beautiful because you will be, veil or not!
Post # 10
pick what you like. i’m sure he’ll think it’s beautiful on you.
Post # 11
I would listen to what he has to say and see if any of it jives with what you WANT. If so, then perhaps let that help you narrow down your choices from your thousands of options. If his opinions back you into a corner, I say just go with what looks beautiful on you and feels right. He’ll forget that he hates ballgowns when he sees you looking radiant and beautiful on your wedding day, for example. Also, you might surprise both of you by rocking a silhouette that seemed like a no-go when on a model in a magazine.
EDIT: Sit down with a wedding magazine or a designer’s website with him and ask him which dresses he likes/dislikes and WHY. That should help give you insight into what he truly feels, if you’re interested in the answer.
My FI HATES both feathers and mermaid/trumpet dresses. Luckily, that jives with my tastes and I chose a slim A-line with next to no embellishment.
If he were truly concerned about which dress I was going to choose I would have invited him along to help me pick one out. I didn’t have to, but I see it as a viable option in your situation.
Post # 12
@MsBlackberry: I shop for and dress myself, and he does not always like what I pick out, which is fine. I don’t particularly care. I’m wearing it, not him! And he always says I look good, the outfit just doesn’t. lol.
However, oftentimes when I am buying something a little more “important” I’ll ask him to come along and shop with me. I like to know that when I spend all night getting dressed up that he actually likes how I look!
I will add in that he is 2000% the kind of guy that tells me not to get dolled up because I look so much more beautiful in my sweat pants and t shirt 🙂 SO to a certain extent I think I should find myself some really cute bridal sweats and lingerie to wear afterwards for him, and then feel less concerned about his preferences for the dress.
Post # 13
@Gabthebee: If you don’t want him to see THE dress but you don’t care if he sees any dresses, you could take him shopping with you just to get some opinions before you make your decisions. I was pretty impressed by how my FI refined his opinions of dresses as he saw more of them on me. Then you can go do the real picking with your mom/girlfriends/etc.
Post # 14
- Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church
@Gabthebee: Honestly, he’s gonna love it no matter what it is.
Post # 15
I agree with a lot of prior posters. Take him through pinterest and have him point out what he likes. Come with an idea to try on those types of styles. But at the end of the day, its your decison, so I would buy what you like. I assume he gets to pick what he wears that day (Within reason)
Post # 16
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
My husband told me he hated lace. I fell in love with a lace dress, bought it, and worried all the way up to the wedding day. He was head over heels for it, and explained that he doesn’t like “grandma lace.” Whatever the fuck that means!
I think once your man sees bridal lace (i.e. expensive, great craftsmanship, intricate, soft, etc) he’ll realize it’s not just a bunch of tea cozies sewn together.
Maybe you can go shopping, and pick out your top 5 styles, then show husband-to-be the #2-5 styles to see what he means? That way you can keep the #1 away from him just in case.
edit: I’d like to add that real bride photos show off dresses a lot better than model photos if you have any body fat whatsoever, so Pinterest surfing might not be very productive.