Fiance Hesitant to Plan…

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 2
Member
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Yeah, I would ignore everyone else’s comments!  When are you thinking of getting married and is your FI on board with that timeline?  I assume the main thing you want to take care of right now is the venue, and I’d agree with that!  Once you find the venue you like they can tell you when they have openings and you can set a date.  Then if he wants to wait on other decisions that’s fine, but at least you know when/where you are getting married.  What if you suggested just doing that and then tell him you’re happy to wait until 6-8 months out for all the other decisions?  

Something else you can do is show him one of those wedding planning timelines so he understands when certain things should be taken care of.  I’ve also heard of some couples having a set time during the week to talk wedding. Maybe if you set that up it will help him see that you really don’t want to talk about it all the time!  Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Itsuptoblue:  We have been planning for 14 months – I’m over it!  We started pretty soon after getting engaged, but just doing small things here and there.  Mostly we just talked about our ideas and researched.  We are getting married in my hometown, so it’s somewhat destination.  It took us awhile to get out there to look at venues, vendors, etc.

It took my FI awhile to get into it – I think because at 14 months out it doesn’t seem real yet.  You haven’t had a bridal moment, you haven’t seen your venue yet, etc.  Know what I mean?  I assume it’s like that for guys also.  Maybe it just seems so far away.  In reality, depending on your area, you may already be behind!  He really started getting into it when we started actually going out to research venues.

I thought wedding planning would take a lot of my attention.  And honestly, it did sometimes.  But it was here and there.  We’d be really busy making decisions for awhile and then we’d do nothing for a few months.  We’d be really busy going back and forth every weekend and then we would just have a few things to do we could do here.  There are phases.  I wanted to choose our bridal party right away because I wanted to make sure they had time to save for dresses/tuxes and for travel.  And if they couldn’t come up with the funds,  I wanted to know far enough ahead that we could help.  

There are things you can do while you’re waiting on him!  Do some preliminary reasearch, look at dresses and flowers, just get ideas of what you like!  That will help you later when you are trying to explain your vision to him and to a planner if you have one.

Post # 5
Member
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Itsuptoblue:  That’s great that you have your venue set.  My FI has been pretty into it from the start, but there are some things he doesn’t need to be involved in (i.e., my dress, bridesmaids dresses, etc.), and some that he said he didn’t care about (i.e. flowers).  Could you guys set a budget for those things and then he lets you take care of them on your own time without input from him?  Then you can have some stuff taken care of sooner, and then tell him when you expect to have to deal with other vendors, etc. so he will be mentally prepared to help out later.  You could say, I’ll handle xyz over the next few months so you don’t have to worry about it, but in January we will need to figure out abc.  And if he really seems overwhelmed but wants to have a say in something, you can do the research and pick your top 2 or 3 to share with him and he helps to decide (that’s how we handled the flowers- I visited all the florists by myself then shared my top 3 quotes and explained the pros and cons of each.  I was torn between 2 and he was able to help pick the winner).

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