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i would feel weird about going now too. it's inappropriate and even though you shouldn't take it personal, i can understand why you would feel offended.
so if you are just getting this invite, is the wedding after yours?
Very inappropriate, indeed. Married and engaged couples are social units and must be invited to social events together. I'd decline any wedding invitation that didn't include my husband.
I think it is completely inappropriate of them to not invite you with your FI. If you two were just dating long-term then I could kind of understand capacity issues (but still wouldn't agree ith excluding someone's long-term SO). Engaged and married couples are a package deal and if one is invited the other ought to be included.
Just go and try to have a good time! I'm sure your FI will enjoy getting to see his old friends and will be glad to have you by his side.
I mean, I know from reading the 'Bee that a lot of couples have issues in regards to over-capacity, but that's inappropriate, I agree. They of all people should know that being engaged means that you're a team, and an invitation to both of you is warranted.
Try to still go and have fun--it will be nice for your fi to catch up with old friends, so try to support him even though it is under awkward circumstances! Good luck!
Go and have a good time. No one will know the bride was rude and didn't really invite you.
That sucks. Engagement = 2 invites.
They shouldn't just invited him alone - that's extremely rude. That "try to make it work" line is ridiculous. What if you only invited the groom to your all's wedding? Wouldn't they have a problem with that?? I count engaged couples the same as married couples.
Even if I was having a tiny wedding and one of my guests was engaged to someone I didn't even know, they would STILL get a +1. Good for him for declining the invite without you.
haha you should invite just the guy to your wedding, not his wife. that would get the point across.
The +1 topic is usually divided among longterm couples, boyfriend/girlfriend, living together, etc. but engaged and married couples should have been a no brainer!
Meh, personally I think they are being extremely rude, but I would just let him go alone. If they don't want me there anyway I would feel a little embarassed to go...like I was inviting myself or something.
Man oh man that couple needs a lesson in politeness though! Give them a small gift. ;-)
My FI was recently invited to a wedding, and I too was excluded. He refused to go without me, and the couple refused to include me based on "space," so my FI didn't attend. I'm glad he stood up for me and made a point that it is completely inappropriate to only invited half of an engaged couple!
@Ms. Meowerson: Haha! Good idea.
Oh my god, that would piss me off too! I would still probably go anyway, because, as someone already pointed out, no one will know you weren't originally invited. You'll get a chance to meet his old friends, and get a free dinner :)
I just can't believe that someone wouldn't give a plus one for their FIANCE. Geez.
That's totally wrong! I would be upset too. Just go and support your FI and his friends and enjoy the free dinner, dancing and try to have fun. But you are totally right to feel slighted. I would too!
I am a vindictive person when I am mad. My reaction? i wouldn't go to the wedding and then for YOUR wedding just invite the college friend and not his new wife. See how he likes his own "we'll make it work" medicine. . . (I am mad for you!)
Very bad taste. If I were in your position, I wouldn't be attending their wedding because they clealry didn't want me there.
Thanks for the support everyone! I am going to go and try to have a good time with my fiance. He even told me that if nothing else, we'll have a great time seeing how much of an "etiquette disaster" their wedding turns out to be. hee hee. :)
@JennHasFeet: it's right before our wedding, which is another reason why I feel iffy about going. I'm going to have enough on my mind without worrying about going to a wedding where they might not even have a seat for me. :)
@Ms. Meowerson: haha I love that idea! We weren't even planning on inviting this couple to our wedding, but we just sent them an invite because my fiance thought we should now. *sigh*
@CitySwoon: I know, I really don't want to. But I'm just telling myself that it will be nice to see my fiance's college town and meet more of his friends.
My final rant about these people: They didn't put postage on their RSVP card envelopes. I almost never have stamps on hand, and it just seems so weird to make people put their own postage on the envelopes that YOU are asking them to send back. Is this a common thing?!
Sorry this happened to you! I've been in your shoes before and it's not a good feeling. I'm glad your FI held his ground though! My FI did the same and the bride and groom said I could come. Then, a month before the wedding, the bride called my FI to uninvite me! It was the most ridiculous, tactless thing ever. They are coming to our upcoming wedding and I am hoping they learn a lesson or two on etiquette :)
I'm glad you didn't let that stop you from going. It seems liking seeing his old college friend means a lot to your FI.
And its a good thing he stood up for you too.
I think your fiance is right about this possibly being an etiquette disaster wedding--no invite and no stamp on the RSVP? Geez.
Go, and have a good time. I doubt they didn't invite you because they didn't want you there, but sometimes when people start trying to cut their numbers they go too far. Thankfully they at least corrected the issue.
I say: Go to the wedding, kill them with kindness and make the regret even considering not inviting you!!! Be the perfect guest and gush over and over how wonderful everything is and thank them for the invitation.
Trust me, after they're married and wise they will be kicking themselves for the stupidity of ever considering not inviting you or at least sending that text.
@Blondeeee, sounds like they are rude to a lot more people than you if they couldn't even meet their minimum. Karma, baby. Karma.
Go & put on your best game face if you must.......
But I will say - i am having a horrible problem with the live-in girlfriends (one of whom is with child) of two of my huny's good friends.... Both of my huny's friends were in serious relationships when they met these women & both of the women are home wreckers. I absolutely don't want either of them at my wedding!!!! I will send out an invite with the males name only & no mention of guest or +1. And as I have read, I will avoid their call or text if they call to clarify, if they can't TAKE A HINT that they're not welcome- far be it from me to hit them over the head with it.... but it is MY day.... and if they are even batting an eyelash wrong I will ask them to leave or give them a piece of my mind if they should show up!!!
I agree, poor taste! How does an engaged couple not know that while other types of couples may be controversial in whether they "should" both be invited, fiancees are ALWAYS included! If my guest list was full to the point of bursting over the hall's capacity, I'd look at the list and make some cuts, but I would never cut out someone's fiancee. That's just tacky!
Wow, I can't believe they did that. Are they expecting that you'll be breaking your engagement? That's so incredibly rude.
I can see your point about not wanting to go now, but if your FI wants to see his friends, they're probably expecting to see him and it might be weird if he didn't go. The other guests won't know about the issue (or shouldn't), so it will likely be a great time for you guys. Go, and try to enjoy yourself!
Wow bad etiquette all around, first they dont invite you and you are engaged and then the dont put a stamp on the RSVP. Id like to give them the benefit of the doubt and just assume they really dont know anything about etiquette and didnt know it was wrong not to invite you or that they should put stamps on the RSVP. I never have stamps around either! We bought some holiday ones for holiday cards last year and I still use them (when I can find them) so my rent is being mailed in June or July with a snoman on the stamp!
I wouldnt go that seems rather rude!
I feel the same way about how the envelope comes addressed.
This happened to us last year! FI flew across the country for his friend's bachelor ski trip; spending quite a bit of money for this trip, I might add. While on the trip, he finds out that he's getting an invite for their wedding without a "plus one." When he asked the friend why I wasn't invited, the reply was, "I didn't realize you were still with her." BTW, we were living together (but not yet engaged). I thought it was pretty rude, especially since space and money weren't even the reason, it was the "I didn't realize you were still with her" comment!!
Whoa! They didn't put STAMPS on the RSVP?! Holy crapola.
Now I'm really glad you're going to the wedding because I can't wait to hear what other pretty major faux pas they do!
I understand the +1 rule and that there are 2 sides... but just about everyone would include an engagedcouple as 2 invites, not one.
And seriously... who doesn't put stamps on the RSVP?! I wonder how many they don't get back.
Also.., I wonder if you put it in the mail without your return address and it gets to them if they have to pay postage due? :)
I'm curious to know how the wedding was??
My best guess regarding postage leads back to the groom's comment. One way to alleviate the number of guests in a "tight space," not providing return postage on the RSVP. Just a thought, but not the most appropriate way of dealing with a large guest list and limited funds. And I too, would have been peeved in this predicament.
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Has anyone else had this happen??
We got an invitation to the wedding of one of my fiance's friends from college. They live rather far away from us, so I've never met this friend or his fiance, but their wedding is being held closer to us (2 hours away), in the town where their college is. So my fiance wanted to go, just to see old college friends and all that.
Even though this friend knows we are engaged, the invitation was only addressed to my fiance. So I told him that it seemed they weren't inviting me, since if they were they would have included my name or at least put "and guest". He insisted that we should assume they were including me, but I told him to ask his friend to make sure.
He texted his friend, "Is it okay if I bring my fiance?" and his friend replied, "It would be best if you could come alone, we're at capacity for our reception hall." (!!!) So my fiance texted him back and said that he wasn't going to go without me, and his friend said, "Okay, bring her along, we'll try to make it work."
I'm completely shocked that anyone would be THAT clueless to not realize how rude and inappropriate it is to invite someone but exclude their fiance (we're getting married in less than 2 months!). I reeeally don't even want to go to this wedding now, since I feel like no one wants me to be there. But my fiance really wants to go see his old friends. It's going to be so hard for me to go there and put on my happy face. :(