Post # 1
My fiancé and I have been together for 5 years and engaged for 6 months. Two weeks ago I was putting Xmas presents in his car, I opened the glove box and found a zip lock bag with weed, it wasn’t much, but still. I don’t know what to make of this.. from the beginning of our relationship, my fiancé has always been against smoking pot. He would say that he could never date someone that smoked pot and that it would be a deal breaker if I ever did. This didn’t bother me as I don’t smoke, and i was glad we felt the same way. .. Now I feel like he’s being a total hyprocrite.. He hates liars yet he’s hiding weed. About 3 months ago I found a lighter in his room, he told me his dad found it on the driveway and thought it was his.. Why would his dad think he smoked? I asked him this and he shrugged it off.
I know that my fiances friends smoke weed and that his brothers do to, maybe it’s a friends and they left it there? I haven’t mentioned it to my fiancé as I’d like for him to be open and tell me if he is smoking. I know it would be weird to just blurt out, but we’ve been so honest with each other our whole relationship, why hide that from me?
Mostly, I’m just feeling hurt. It’s not the fact that he might be smoking that bothers me, it’s the fact that hes hiding it. Am I over reacting or over thinking this? Should I let him continue to let him think I don’t know? Any feed back would be greatlY appreciated !
Post # 3
@Beebee225: If I were you, I would be far more concerned about that fact that your fiance is someone of the character that thinking lying to you is okay than some weed. Lying is a big deal and obviously he is showing you that he has no problem lying to you.
Post # 4
@Beebee225: You should simply say “hey I found a bag of weed in your car–whose is it?” If he has friends that smoke, it could absolutely be theirs. Don’t jump to conclusions, but be honest and talk about it ASAP. That wouldn’t be something for me to just turn a blind eye to.
Post # 5
If you don’t know that it is your fiance’s weed, how is he lying to you?
If it’s his friends’ weed, there’s a chance he doesn’t know about it, or simply forgot about it.
Either way, I’d dispose of it if I were you.
Post # 6
Oh jeez, this is unlikely, but my mind immediately jumped to the scenario of you driving his car one day, getting pulled over and that being found. He OWES you the truth, especially if it could lead to legal trouble for either of you. Plus people in a relationship should be honest with each other. I would confront him, definitely.
Post # 7
You need to ask him if it’s his before anything else, then reevaluate based on the response.
Post # 8
@redheadem: The police, at least in the US need to have a reason to search the car. Obviously this is null and void if she reached for the insurance and a big ol’ bag of weed falls out of the glove box, but it isn’t like a cop can go, “Hey, I think I’ll search your car today!”
Plus, you have the right to refuse a search.
Post # 9
@Hyperventilate: I know, but imagine looking through the glove compartment for the registration and that falls out!! Ouch.
Post # 10
Just ask him about it. To me it could be either scenario:
it really isn’t his and one of his friends accidentally left it in his car or
he’s been “projecting” his feelings about weed onto you and he doesn’t like that he does it and constantly feels guilty about hiding it from you, thus the speeches about weed being a dealbreaker.
Post # 11
@Beebee225: My FI and I both agreed like you and your FI that we would never date someone who smoked weed, cigarettes or anything. Smoking just grosses us completely out. Now, if it was me I would have immediately been all over him, but that is just me. I’m not rational and i’d be LIVID and jumping to conclusions. Now, if you know he has friends and a brother that smoke, there is a good chance that it is his. However, you still have every right to be mad.. It is in your FI’s car and even if its not his, if he got pulled and the police found it he would be in serious trouble!! I would DEF. bring it up to him. I guess don’t go “crazy” like I probably would but just simply let him know that you found it and get to the bottom of why its there. If he is lying to you and it is his, you might want to seriously evaluate your relationship.
Post # 12
@BlondeMissMolly: Agreed. Don’t jump to conclusions, it’ll make you look silly – but don’t ignore it either. Just talk to him.
Post # 13
I would hide it and replace it with a little note saying ‘missing something?’
But I’m a bitch like that.
The problem you have is because his brothers and friends smoke it, it will be very easy for him to say ‘it’s their weed’.
If he does admit that it is his, make sure your argument is based on the lies- not the fact that he’s smoking.
Post # 14
Just talk to him about it…maybe he was afraid to tell you the truth from the beginning because he feared he would lose you.
ETA: no need for weed haters to start preaching, this really isn’t about that…how annoying!
Post # 15
Talk to him with a cool head. Lying is the potential problem here (if that turns out to be the case), plus I have to agree with what Redheadem pointed out: what if you were in a situation where you got pulled over and it fell out of the glovebox in front of a cop? That. would. suck.
Post # 16
I don’t think you’re over reacting. I agree with the pp’s, just ask him about it in a non accusatory tone. Hopefully, it’s just a friends.