Fiance is more reluctant to start planning than I am

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well what’s his concern? The only thing you really need to do first is find and secure a venue. That’s pretty easy on his part, he just looks with you and says yay or nay. But, if you aren’t planning to get married until summer of 2015, you can absolutely wait until January, you have plenty of time.

Post # 4
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Does he know everything that goes into planning? My FH had no clue what all needed to be done and thought I was trying to get a jump on things too early, so he wasn’t very into it. Once he saw the list, he was all for getting a move on.

You can still get married in a year if you wait until January to plan.

Post # 7
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Swunderlich14:  Planning really isn’t that big of a deal at this stage. Maybe he just needs to calm down and take a step back, it doesn’t have to be super overwhelming! 

Also, most guys aren’t into the planning, they don’t want to google venue’s with you etc. I’d propose you do some research and come up with some options that you like and ask him about those in particular. If he’s overwhelmed, then let him have some time. Like I said you have plenty of it, unless you want to get marred in 2014, and in that case you are short on time.

Post # 8
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

You got engaged on 10/25 lol CALM DOWN GIRL!! this is NOT a rush to the altar, why can’t you just enjoy being engaged? He put a ring on it, he’s comitted for life, it’s all good! 🙂


Post # 10
2 posts
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t know your exact situation but based on what I’m reading, it sounds like he just needs some time to process the fact that he just proposed and you said “yes”.  He probably had a build up of emotions prior to that and released them afterwards; he may be relieved that he can relax a little bit.  Now you (like most women who just got engaged) are anxious to get things rolling!  No relaxing – let’s plan!

This is coming from hindsight of what I just experienced.  I got engaged in April.  Everytime I brought up “the date” conversation, he would tense up and ask why I was in a rush.  I was SO frustrated!  Four months later, I decided to not bring up anything about the wedding for a month.  Not a word.   One night at dinner (after the month passed), a friend asked when we were getting married.  “I don’t know,” I replied very matter-of-fact.  The next morning, he agreed to set a date. 

What I found out was that he was emotionally stressed from several things at the same time… there were way too many stressors going on for him to actively enjoy the planning process.  Your fiance may just need to get through the holidays first.  Give him some time.  Fill your time with bridal magazines – that’s what I did!  Whatever you do, don’t pressure him.  It will make things worse.

Post # 11
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Swunderlich14:  I got engaged on 10/19, and I have yet to book a single thing. I know a lot of 2015 brides on here that have several things booked so far. Longer is better (although harder to wait) because you can take your time to decide things and not be all rushed. 

Enjoy it. Start in January to do the real big things, but that doesn’t mean you can’t research online and narrow down your choices. 🙂 That’s what we’ve been doing. We’ve got our venue picked, we just can’t book it until January because of the city.

Take it easy, you have a lot of time, and 2015 is going to be a great year to get married!

Post # 12
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Hes a bloke not many are into the finer details of wedding planning. It doesnt mean they dont want to or care its more the womans domain.  Also not many men are experienced planning, organising events and wouldnt know where to start. As far as men are concern they arent really bothered what your colours are maybe also they don’t want to comment in case they dont say the right thing or actually dont like something you do like.




Enjoy planning with your mother sister or girlfriends.  As long as your relationship is going well dont worry. Sometimes we can look for problems that are really there. My brother and my FI werent bothered about wedding planning as long as their bride is happy. Personally I prefer my own in put. But im experienced in planning events and just get on with it myself.  He may also be worried about money as wedsings can be expensive especially if yous have a big family.


Post # 13
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@MsJ2theZ:  +1


There are some exceptions of course but for the most part guys do not care about wedding planning and the bulk of it falls on the bride. 

Maybe you can just try to guage what type of party he wants to have (outdoor/indoor, casual/formal) with relaxed conversations on your downtime now.  Then start the venue hunt on your own, save some contenders that fit the bill and review with him when he’s ready in January.  This way you can feel good about starting the process and he can still have some time before diving in.

I had a 16 month engagement and I don’t think it has any pitfalls that a shorter engagement wouldn’t have.  You’ll get a jump on some things and procrastinate on some other things, same as people do with any amount of time for any big project!  And don’t forget life goes on in the meantime.  You’ll have other weddings, birthday parties, holidays, bouts with the flu, etc etc all happening during your planning time. 




Post # 14
1248 posts
Bumble bee

@aithinne:  OMGGG i missed you got engaged!!!!! CONGRATSSS!!!!! And YAY for Spring 2015 weddings!!!


OP- my FI has been the same way- he says he wants to take it slow. I’m like- uh it took you almost 9 years to propose, that was slow enough!! LOL So we have booked our venue, looking at photogs, then we wont really get into planning too much til a year out from the wedding. You have plenty of time!! Start saving money ASAP!!

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