Post # 1
I just got engaged on 10/25, and am so excited! My FI and I have been together for 5+years and I cannot wait to be his wife. I’m curious if anyone else is or has experienced issues with their FI not being super excited to jump on weddding planning.
When we first got engaged, we agreed to enjoy this time throught the holidays, but the more reading I do, the more I realize that getting engaged at this time of year can be awkward, as it pretty much cancels out 2014, and pushes us into 2015. My current “wedding date” is a 100% estimate.
Did anyone else’s finace want to wait to start planning at all? If I address it, he seems to get really stressed out and he keeps saying he wants to put it off until January. my main concern is a (Too) long engagement, as my best friend who planned for 2 years said it was a nightmare.
Any ideas on how I can work with him, without added pressure, or opinions on a longer engagement?
Post # 3
Well what’s his concern? The only thing you really need to do first is find and secure a venue. That’s pretty easy on his part, he just looks with you and says yay or nay. But, if you aren’t planning to get married until summer of 2015, you can absolutely wait until January, you have plenty of time.
Post # 4
Does he know everything that goes into planning? My FH had no clue what all needed to be done and thought I was trying to get a jump on things too early, so he wasn’t very into it. Once he saw the list, he was all for getting a move on.
You can still get married in a year if you wait until January to plan.
Post # 5
@MsJ2theZ: He seems to get very stressed about the “idea” of planning in general. My parents are paying for the whole wedding, so it can’t be about money. Last night I tried to reason with him that booking a venue is the hard part, and after that we can relax again for a bit. I think that 2015 just feels so far away for me, I’d like to at least know a date so I don’t feel like we’re in limbo..but maybe I need to just enjoy this time as well.
Post # 6
@Swunderlich14: I guess my main fear is that there is something bad about a long (12+ month engagement). Does anyone see anything wrong w/getting engaged in 10/13 and married in spring 2015? will I go crazy? haha
Post # 7
@Swunderlich14: Planning really isn’t that big of a deal at this stage. Maybe he just needs to calm down and take a step back, it doesn’t have to be super overwhelming!
Also, most guys aren’t into the planning, they don’t want to google venue’s with you etc. I’d propose you do some research and come up with some options that you like and ask him about those in particular. If he’s overwhelmed, then let him have some time. Like I said you have plenty of it, unless you want to get marred in 2014, and in that case you are short on time.
Post # 8
You got engaged on 10/25 lol CALM DOWN GIRL!! this is NOT a rush to the altar, why can’t you just enjoy being engaged? He put a ring on it, he’s comitted for life, it’s all good! 🙂
Post # 9
@secretwife: You’re so right!! I was so in that mindset too! I think I just let my friends comments about the dreaded “long engagment” get to me. But I do want to just enjoy this time, so true.
Thanks so much for the support and advice. I love weddingbee! I feel much better already 🙂
Post # 10
I don’t know your exact situation but based on what I’m reading, it sounds like he just needs some time to process the fact that he just proposed and you said “yes”. He probably had a build up of emotions prior to that and released them afterwards; he may be relieved that he can relax a little bit. Now you (like most women who just got engaged) are anxious to get things rolling! No relaxing – let’s plan!
This is coming from hindsight of what I just experienced. I got engaged in April. Everytime I brought up “the date” conversation, he would tense up and ask why I was in a rush. I was SO frustrated! Four months later, I decided to not bring up anything about the wedding for a month. Not a word. One night at dinner (after the month passed), a friend asked when we were getting married. “I don’t know,” I replied very matter-of-fact. The next morning, he agreed to set a date.
What I found out was that he was emotionally stressed from several things at the same time… there were way too many stressors going on for him to actively enjoy the planning process. Your fiance may just need to get through the holidays first. Give him some time. Fill your time with bridal magazines – that’s what I did! Whatever you do, don’t pressure him. It will make things worse.
Post # 11
@Swunderlich14: I got engaged on 10/19, and I have yet to book a single thing. I know a lot of 2015 brides on here that have several things booked so far. Longer is better (although harder to wait) because you can take your time to decide things and not be all rushed.
Enjoy it. Start in January to do the real big things, but that doesn’t mean you can’t research online and narrow down your choices. 🙂 That’s what we’ve been doing. We’ve got our venue picked, we just can’t book it until January because of the city.
Take it easy, you have a lot of time, and 2015 is going to be a great year to get married!
Post # 12
Hes a bloke not many are into the finer details of wedding planning. It doesnt mean they dont want to or care its more the womans domain. Also not many men are experienced planning, organising events and wouldnt know where to start. As far as men are concern they arent really bothered what your colours are maybe also they don’t want to comment in case they dont say the right thing or actually dont like something you do like.
Enjoy planning with your mother sister or girlfriends. As long as your relationship is going well dont worry. Sometimes we can look for problems that are really there. My brother and my FI werent bothered about wedding planning as long as their bride is happy. Personally I prefer my own in put. But im experienced in planning events and just get on with it myself. He may also be worried about money as wedsings can be expensive especially if yous have a big family.
Post # 13
There are some exceptions of course but for the most part guys do not care about wedding planning and the bulk of it falls on the bride.
Maybe you can just try to guage what type of party he wants to have (outdoor/indoor, casual/formal) with relaxed conversations on your downtime now. Then start the venue hunt on your own, save some contenders that fit the bill and review with him when he’s ready in January. This way you can feel good about starting the process and he can still have some time before diving in.
I had a 16 month engagement and I don’t think it has any pitfalls that a shorter engagement wouldn’t have. You’ll get a jump on some things and procrastinate on some other things, same as people do with any amount of time for any big project! And don’t forget life goes on in the meantime. You’ll have other weddings, birthday parties, holidays, bouts with the flu, etc etc all happening during your planning time.
Post # 14
@aithinne: OMGGG i missed you got engaged!!!!! CONGRATSSS!!!!! And YAY for Spring 2015 weddings!!!
OP- my FI has been the same way- he says he wants to take it slow. I’m like- uh it took you almost 9 years to propose, that was slow enough!! LOL So we have booked our venue, looking at photogs, then we wont really get into planning too much til a year out from the wedding. You have plenty of time!! Start saving money ASAP!!
Post # 15
Thank you so much to everyone for your advice-I honestly feel SO much better and back down to earth-who knows where i was at before.
Really appreciate the support from everyrone!!