Post # 1
Okay, so unlike a lot of posts that are the woman complaining that she doesn’t get enough, etc., this IS NOT ONE! I am probably the least shallow person I even know, so before anyone decides to get their panties in a twist and blast me off Weddingbee, finish reading! Lol. XD So, I’m again gonna say, that no I am absolutely not complaining that I don’t get enough. My wonderful fiance is just very bad about wanting to spend on others… I had to push him to buy his mother a birthday present, lol. I really want him to be more giving to other people because he could come across as hurtful. His parents have even talked to him about this. He is not super rich or anything but he has money he can spend. I just have been around people who love money more than anything else and I’d hate to see him become that! He is honestly the most loving, sensitive guy I have ever met, but he just is too extreme when it comes to penny pinching. His family is very close-knit and everyone buys everyone at least something for their birthday and he bought his dad nothing! I felt really bad so I bought his dad a gift and said it was from the both of us. My fiance hasn’t bought me much either, but I’d rather he not than feel stressed about money. But I really feel bad he doesn’t buy people like his family gifts for special occasions. Have any of the other bees had this problem? If so, how is a nice way to encourage him to loosen up his death grip on his wallet? Please play nice, and under no circumstances is this a good reason to dump your fiance. Thanks!
Post # 3
“Hey, your mom might like this for her birthday, what do you think?”
“What do you think is a good budget for birthday presents? $50? I can just pick up something for your brother or mail him a giftcard if you’re busy.”
“Wow, your cousin and his wife just moved into their first house! Remember how stressful that was for us and how strapped we were for cash? I’m gonna go pick up a Home Depot gift card and bottle of wine for them. You think $50 is enough to get a couple gallons of paint?”
My husband works well within budgets. We set a limit for Christmas for each person, then I just handle it. I get his input for his family but it’s my deal.
Post # 5
Does he not buy gifts because he doesn’t like to spend money in general or does he just think gift giving is silly? Are his finances legitamately tight or his he just overly frugal? I’d probably just take this into my own hands. I’d get his budget, then buy a gift for him. You’re essentially a team anyway and gifts should be from both of you.
Post # 6
I’m like that. A total penny-pincher! I buy DH a Christmas gift and an anniversary present each year, and give my (much younger) siblings $10 each at Christmas. But that’s it!
DH is much more giving, but it’s just how I am. I don’t like to spend money!
Post # 7
I think that in relatinoships it’s good to divide up jobs. It looks like in your relatinoship that buying gifts should be your job. So you take care of buying them and all gifts are presented as being from the two of you.
If you two don’t plan to combine finances and you are concerned about the expense, then talk to him and decide on a reasonable budget, and have him reimburse you.
Post # 8
I would tell him point blank that this kind of behavior shows a lack of empathy, which is an important quality to possess. I have a real problem with people being cheap, so this would drive me crazy.
Post # 9
@evangeladanae: My husband is not into giving/receiving gifts on specific times. He’s more into giving something at any random time when he sees something he knows a loved one will appreciate, but that doesn’t happen often! I don’t push him to buy gifts for others, it’s not my responsibility and I don’t feel bad. If I want to purchase a gift for my MIL’s birthday, I do it! She knows it’s from me since he’s so bad about gifts, so there’s no reason to have him sign the card or pretend it’s from him too!
Post # 10
Ugh. No offense to your husband but I can’t stand stingy people. Like seriously can’t stand them. It’s one thing to be broke and not be able to afford to give but if you spend on yourself beyond your basic needs, why can’t you give to people who give to you?
Sorry to be so judgmental….gifts are my love language so I’m extremely sensitive and unsympathetic toward cheapness.
If you have shared finances, even though guys like this usually don’t go for shared finances…I’d just write gifts in as a line item on our budget. Doesn’t have to break the bank but it has to be something.
Insist on him learning how to make gifts…bake things for his family for the holidays (pies in a jar, little cakes, cookie tins, etc) but he can’t go through life taking…no one loves a taker.
Post # 11
My thoughts have always been if you really love someone or care about them, you’d want to at least get something for them. Even if it’s a bouquet of flowers you picked yourself from the garden. I think sometimes people just don’t really know how it would feel to not be given a gift from an important person or they wouldn’t really care because gifts personally aren’t such a big deal to them. I’m trying to get my fiance to see that he needs to take into account that gifts are a way of showing care and love in situations like special occasions. We don’t share finances yet, and his job pays a lot better than mine. And, I am the total opposite of cheap when it comes to gift-giving, so when I pick out a gift it’s usually a lot. 😛 Seriously I think half of my future hubby’s problems are he has a bachelor’s in accounting and stresses way too much over the economy and money. 😛 He’s always worried he won’t have enough if a rainy day were to come for us, which I can’t blame him for.