Post # 1
My fiancé and I got engaged in July. We are having issues with planing the wedding. My initial thoughts relating to bridesmaids was to ask a friend I am close to but have not seen for a while. My mum suggested that I could ask my older sister. To be honest I had not really considered her and thought that I would still ask my friend.
I asked my sister if she would be upset if I did not ask her to be my bridesmaid. She initially said that it would have been nice but that she would be ok. After speaking to her I began to think about it and could not imagine getting ready and walking down the aisle without her there. My fiancé was angry at me for wanting to ask her to be my bridesmaid as he thought I was just feeling guilty.
the next evening I got an angry phone call from my dad asking why I was upsetting my sister. I was so angry and upset. I phoned a friend for advice and she suggested that i speak to my sister to see how upset she was. The next morning my parents visited as they were so upset and sorry for upsetting me the night before. I said I would speak to my sister.
I phoned my sister and asked her to be my bridesmaid. When I told my fiancé he thought I was giving in to my parents, was really annoyed and went over to my parents home and told them that we would have the wedding we wanted. They were upset for causing any problem. He then issued me the ultimatum that I either have any other bridesmaid except my sister or we couldn’t have the largish traditional wedding I wanted. He wants to elope.
I love him and know that he is just trying to protect us but feel he is being unfair.
Post # 3
He’s being a child. You can have whoever the eff you want as your Maid/Matron of Honor. =/
Post # 4
Can you have 2 bridesmaids?
it’s your choice who your bridesmaids are, just like it’s his choice who his groomsmen are
Post # 5
@Smiley-girl: he sounds controlling and VERY immature to me. why would it matter if you wanted your sister??? shes your sister!!!!!! i had 3 bridemaids and asked a 4th but she couldnt come back from overeas. if it makes you happy your fiancee should be happy. his behaviour seems weird. esp going to your parents to confront them? na-ah!
Post # 6
He sounds super immature. If it were me I wouldn’t appreciate fi talking to my parents that way. We’d have a serious problem. Aside from that I have sisters, we are very close couldn’t imagine getting married without them by my side. I wouldn’t let anyone tell me who my bridesmaids were going to be. I don’t think he’s protecting you, I think he feels a power struggle between himself & your parents. He needs to get a grip.
Post # 7
@Smiley-girl: Seriously? How is he trying to protect you? I can understand if you have an unhealthy relationship with your family (as I do) and he is trying to protect you from that or their manipulations. Of course, ultimately it is your choice though, I would think. Have you told him whom he can or can’t have as a groomsman? If you did, how do you think he would react?
Post # 8
If you’re having a large tradition wedding, doesn’t it make sense to have multiple bridesmaids? He sounds very immature about it.
Post # 9
Way too many people are involved in this decision.
Do not allow him to hold the wedding you want hostage in order to get you to submit to him.
Post # 10
Umm WTH? He’s acting like a big baby. How dare he…
Post # 11
There has to be something missing from this story.
Post # 12
I don’t get it, why can’t you have both? I’m not even naming a “maid of honor” so you could probably “get around” it that way.
Post # 13
Um… what!? Whats wrong with your sister? SHes your SISTER. If it were me and tell my Fiance to kiss my ass.
Post # 14
It sounds like you and your FH have a major miscommunication between you. He thinks he is doing you a favour.. But even then, make it clear to him that you don’t want him picking your battles
Post # 15
I agree with the PPs. Not his decision. He needs to butt out.
Post # 16
@vorpalette: I agree something is missing to this story. I think he may be a bit controlling. Even for argument sake you gave in to your parents wish, it’s still YOUR choice. And if you told him that after giving it some thought you “could not imagine getting ready and walking down the aisle without her there” then that should be the end of the discussion. I mean doesn’t he trust your judgment enough that you are able to determine your feelings on your own? I have a sister whose husband is controlling, there’s a slew of issues. When I read your thread, I saw a red flag. I had that same feeling I get when my sister tells me things about him. They’re still married it’s not the end of the world but their relationship is FAR from ideal and drama free.
This is supposed to be a happy time for you. If you give in to an ultimatum you will be setting a precedent.