Fiancé left me for his family … Please help me cope!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4215 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

No advice really, .. breaking up just plain sucks. It’s going to hurt yes, but on the other side .. you get a man that actually cares about you and wouldn’t treat you that way. Keeping busy is a good way to deal with the pain. Go for walks, go swimming, spend time with friends and don’t beat yourself up about being upset. Take time to cry it out when you need it, but don’t brood on it. Most importantly, cut off all contact with him and his family. Wipe him from your life. Give up on any idea that he might come back and you can work it out. Don’t reminice about the good times, focus on the times he made you feel like crap. Work on hating him. I know that sounds wierd, but it helps. 

Sorry you’ve been put through this. His family sounds like a bunch of vindictive jerks. 

Post # 4
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Be thankful this man was your fiance and not your husband. Take some time for yourself, cry oVer who you wanted him to be, cry oVer who you thought he was. Be happy you finally see who he really is.Take the lessons you learned and keep it going. 

Post # 5
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t really know what to say except for GOOD RIDDANCE! I am so sorry you are going through this but those people have serious serious issues and you are damn lucky to be rid of them! Also God is not the cruel one, your ex fiancé and his witch mother are. Read back over your story and realize how incredibly disfunctional and manipulative their relationship Is. It’s disgusting 

Post # 6
Hostess
4941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@themis513:  I can imagine this must be hard, break ups always are, but down the road you’ll see what a bullet you dodged. A grown man with a good career living with his mother and sharing everything with her sends red flags up everywhere. It may seem like God is being cruel, but he was just preparing you for the man you really deserve who WILL come along!

Massive cyber hugs coming your way, sweetheart <3

Post # 7
Member
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

UGH. That’s horrible.  I’m sorry that happened to you.  He sounds like he has serious issues!

Post # 8
Member
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@themis513:  Well, heart break is heart break, & unfortunately I don’t think any of us will be able to give you advice or support that will genuinely make you feel better in the now.

But, I will say a few things that came to find after reading your post.

Firstly, your ex seemed to have a very very off dynamic with his family that pretty much crossed into creepy. The way he addressed his mother with “I’m a good boy” & still living in her basement, & him allowing him family to refer to you as a friend’s daughter (which, wtf is up with them lying? so so odd..). It seems to me like you missed the bus to crazy town, so I’d day you’re a luckier girl than you realize!

Also, what a flakey asshole for taking his mother’s side at every turn, & basically putting her first in every way. He was NOT ready for marriage, no matter what his degree in medicine & being of an adult age might suggest.

I know that right now you feel that God is being cruel, but I think he just gave you the best blessing of your life by seeing to it that you didn’t end up in such an awful marriage with psycho in-laws.

Maybe the point of this whole situation was to teach you some valuable lessons so that the next time you meet “the one” you will know if it’s really fact or fiction.

Post # 9
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Never hook up with a 30 year old plus man who still lives with his mommy, ESP if can he can afford to live elsewhere but chooses not too. 

The fact his best friend is his elderly aunt? It makes me think your ex-FI may be gay. Just a hunch. 

I don’t know much about social norms in SE Asia – are you living in Asia or in the West? I guess I can understand it being more constricted and difficult if you are still in SE Asia. Was there some social status difference between the two families? Because there is no reason for her to treat your family so poorly, but if she had some idea she was superior then that explains it.

You will get over this and thank god you did not marry this man – can you imagine how miserable you would have been having to share him with his crazy family?? It would have been a nightmare. Thank your lucky stars this marriage did not happen and the next time you are in any relationship and you aren’t shown proper respect by your boyfriend – run. This includes boyfriends whoallow their family members to mistreat you.

Post # 10
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Kat:  +100!

OP, take this as a huge blessing. You don’t deserve to be second fiddle to anyone’s family.

Post # 11
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Thank your lucky starts that you didn’t marry into that crazy family. He may have been awesome at first, but when you marry him, you marry his family too. It’s a good thing he let his true colors show when they did, you dodged a bullet.

I know you are in a lot of pain, but the pain WILL go away.

Post # 12
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

@themis513:  narrow miss !!! I shudder to think about what would’ve happened if you’d gone through it!!! count your blessings & thank your lucky stars!!!!

Post # 13
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This is a blessing in disguise. After some time has passed, you will look back on this and feel so thankful that you did not marry him (and his family). 

 

Post # 14
Member
5987 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@themis513:  i am so sorry. this sriously sucks. i cannot even imagine. but, honestly, this guy is crazy. you dont want to marry him! you will look back at this in a few years and THANK God for whwat happened!

Post # 15
Member
2630 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@themis513:  ((Hugs)) What a horrible situation for you! I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, but I’m not sorry that it happened. My ExH always put his parents’ needs and wants above mine and treated me like I was the one in the wrong for wanting some boundaries. It wasn’t an issue when we were living thousands of miles away from them, but when we moved back to his hometown to settle down, it was clear that I was not part of the family. 

I know you’re hurting now, but it is actually a good thing that he showed you his true colors before you got married. You are free to find a real man who will love you above all and treat you as you deserve!

Post # 16
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Ugh, I know it hurts now but you will be better off in the long run! Imagine a lifetime of him taking his mother’s side.

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