Post # 1
A couple months ago my fiance of 3 years (he is 25) ended the relationship out of nowhere 4 months before the wedding because he started having feelings for other women and decided it wouldn’t be fair to me to remain in the relationship while he wasn’t feeling 100% committed. We still live together because of financial reasons and he is currently dating other women.. and I just can’t move on. Every day is like torture when I see him happy while I’m left feeling miserable. I just don’t understand how things went from perfect (or so I thought) to him wanting something else.
We’ve talked about the relationship and he has said he just can’t get back to the way he used to feel, when he was completely committed to me and our future together, but that he also hasn’t stopped loving me… it’s just that he likes other people too. He’s also said that he thinks this might be something that he just needs to get out of his system and that maybe he and I could reconcile in the future and continue with our “plans” of forever… but this doesn’t sit well with me. That makes me feel like a doormat. I am at a loss as to what I should do. I’ve been dealing with the grieving process, crying, reacting irrationally, getting upset anytime he mentions another woman, dealing with all the jealousy, etc. and it’s just pushing him further away.
I’m also confused about whether or not this relationship is something even worth pursuing, or if he’s just trying to have his cake and eat it too. He still tells me he loves me, he still tells me he wants to end up with me, and he still talks about the future with me (marriage included), but he’s dating other women and doesn’t want a relationship with me. I asked him why he was unable to commit to me but he would still be able to commit to other women, and he just says because it’s not really a commitment… that it’s all just “fun.”
Do any of you have any thoughts or experience with this? I can’t wrap my head around the idea that he could want a future with me, but is still willing to risk ruining what he supposedly wants by dating around.
Post # 3
@AnchorSails: Ya know, I was actually giving this guy credit for being honest and ending things with you…until I read this:
“He’s also said that he thinks this might be something that he just needs to get out of his system and that maybe he and I could reconcile in the future and continue with our “plans” of forever.”
He’s definitely trying to have his cake and eat it, too. A good dude would never put that little thought in your head to keep you around: he’d just be with you.
I really hope you aren’t still sleeping with him, and if you are, please stop immediately and see how quickly his tune changes. He is absolutely trying to live in 2 worlds.
Post # 4
financial issues or no- YOU NEED TO STOP LIVING TOGETHER. You guys are broken up, but you don’t have a clean break. And yes, if you got back together with him after he finished sowing his wild oats, you would be his doormat. 🙁 You’re in a position where you are miserable and you can’t respect yourself. What’s more, HE is the one who jsut upended your life and he gets to do whatever the fuck he wants? No. No thank you. Either kick his ass out if you can afford your living arrangement on your own, or find a little one bedrom apartment somewhere and eat ramen twice a week for dinner. Being broke is better than being beaten down every.single.day.
You want to feel better? Get this troll out of your life.
Post # 5
@AnchorSails: MOVE OUT MOVE OUT MOVE OUT!
I am so sorry you are going through this, but that is all I really have to say. You said it’s financial reasons.. Do whatever you can to move out of there asap and move on with your life. What he is doing is hurtful and damaging. You will continue to feel hurt and lose your self esteem if you stick around to watch him go through this “phase”.
It is NOT worth pursuing, waiting around for him is doing nothing good for either of you. Find some self respect, treat yourself right, lean on your friends and family, and you will someday find someone who treats you the way you deserve. Never speak to this loser again.
Post # 6
He wants to have his cake and eat it too. I find it particularly cruel that he is already dating, much less while you are still living together. I think you need to walk away from this man and find someone who would never treat you this way. You cannot heal with him in your life. Do you have family or a friend you could move in with?
Post # 7
Leave him! He is using you and not being fair. He knows you’re there to take him back whenever he decides he’s ready and that is manipulative behavior. Drop his ass, date other guys, and when he does come crawling back, tell him it’s too late and he should’ve thought about that before putting you on this emotional rollercoaster of selfishness.
Post # 8
“I really hope you aren’t still sleeping with him, and if you are, please stop immediately and see how quickly his tune changes. He is absolutely trying to live in 2 worlds.”
This exactly. I’m sorry you are going through this but you have to find a way to get out of there and move on with your life.
Post # 9
I agree with the other bees, move out and move on. This guy is just going to treat you like a doormat if you let him. You can totally do better.
Post # 10
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
You are exactly right when you say you are being a doormat and he is having his cake and eating it too. He is stringing you along. I think every woman has some kind of experience with this!
You HAVE GOT TO MOVE OUT!!!!!!!! I know it’s hard, I know it’s expensive but my sweet jebus you can’t keep living with him while he’s dating other people (or hopefully ever again given he sounds like a dick). You are never going to get over him otherwise and see this as clearly as all of the PPs are.
Post # 11
i’ll add to the herds of people saying “gtfo”
i hate to say it, but he is absolutely terrible. don’t sign yourself up for a marriage filled with his bullshit.
find a roommate on craigslist or something!! you should definitely stop living together.
Post # 12
I get that you don’t have the financial means to get out. With that said, GET OUT.
You cannot distance yourself from your feelings or from him or regroup from this situation until you leave it behind. The old relationship is gone. If you’re going to rebuild, you have to abandon the previous relationship completely. Go crash on a friend’s couch, rent a teeny studio apartment, ANYTHING you can do to leave this situation.
You need a clean break and you can’t get one until you leave this situation.
Post # 13
This makes me think of HIMYM kind of..just the way he’s treating you. You’re on his hook right now. You’ve gotta get off. He says not right now… well you need to say not ever! Be strong, you can do it! Its for the best.
Post # 14
This guy is a complete douchebag. You have to move out and get away from him. He is toxic to you. This is a relationship that is not worth pursuing.
Post # 15
whyyyyy are you putting yourself through this?!??! WHY?!?! OF COURSE you’re gonna be an emotional mess when your ex fiance is dating other women and… talking about them with you?! wtf wtf wtf!!!
get out. move in with family or friends. better yet, make him move out. HE ended things with you. this whole situation is a huge mess. and i know it’s hard but… no. you don’t want to end up with someone who isn’t sure about you and with his actions is telling you that you are not enough for him. in a couple years (maximum) you are going to look back and be like WHAT THE EFF WAS I THINKING?
Post # 16
@AnchorSails: I don’t have any personal experience with this, however I can tell you that no one deserves to be treated like this. You should make plans for one of you to move out immediately. I understand finances can play a part, but this is completely unfair to you. Could you even get over what he did if he tried to reconsile with you? I know I could never be with someone who was so selfish and hurt me so badly. Sorry OP 🙁