- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
I am getting upset over this and I am trying to be understanding. My fiance was married several years ago and divorced very shortly after the wedding. When we got together, I never wanted to get married. Long story, it just wasn’t for me. He wanted to get married again and would sometimes make comments about how he was going to marry me someday and that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. At first, it made me uncomfortable due to my unsureness of my feelings about marriage.
After a few years together, I realized that it wasn’t the marriage that I was opposed to, it was just the wedding. I am not one to be the center of attention and I don’t have unlimited funds to throw a big party. That paired with tons of family drama and it just equals our wedding being a huge disaster. Not to mention that I didn’t want my wedding turning into what everyone else wanted it to be.
So we talked about it back in July and decided that we would go to the courthouse and “get hitched.” Originally we just wanted to go the two of us the next day and do it. But, with our states law of having to wait 72 hours after getting your marriage license and the requirment of having to have 2 witnesses, we waited.
So, we have both asked our best friends to stand with us and I have hired a photographer for a few hours that day. I really want to have pictures of our day and have some thing to show our family when we share the news with them. The only thing I have splurged on was the photographer but even that I have found a super great deal.
So, here is where my sadness is coming from. For one, I have paid for every last cent of the wedding, everything. Its not about the money, but I am about to lose my job and instead of helping me and supporting me, he is worried that he is going to have to pick up my share of the bills(which he wont). Everytime I talk about the wedding he gets annoyed, says “we will talk about it later” (which we never do), and walks out of the room. Now, take into consideration that I mention the wedding maybe once a week. Our family and friends dont know so I have noone to talk to about this and noone to be excited about our wedding with.
I confronted him about it a couple weeks ago, because I was so confused at why for so long all he talked about was marrying me and being the happiest and luckiest guy in the world and now, he just shut down. He shares with me that when I talk about the wedding it makes him think of his last marriage and wedding and that he is afraid this one will fail. I am trying to be understanding because I dont know what it feels like to be in his shoes. But I feel like our wedding is his death sentence or something. When I do tell him I am upset and feel like he doesn/t want to marry me, he says of course I do and I love you so much. Its just not the same as him being excited with me.
I am just stressed right now and really wish that him and I were on the same page. I dont know if I am looking for advice or if I needed to get this off my chest since I have noone to talk to about it.
Any other bees that are marrying someone who has been married once, but this is your first? Am I the only one that is feeling this alone?