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Is there something worrying her about the wedding? Finances? Is she self concious? Does she think it's your "role?"
Well, first of all, welcome to wedding bee! and yay October brides! :-)
It can definitely be a bummer when your partner isn't as excited about the wedding planning process (especially when you are). And I think it's common that there's one person in the relationship who isn't going to be as excited.
I found that my fiance got excited when we discussed things that he cared about, not surprisingly. Otherwise everything else has been uh huh sure whatever you want, sounds fine. Do you know if there's any aspects of the wedding that she would find exciting or that she'd care about? Identifying what she would be excited about may be a good first start in getting her excited. Or maybe she needs to join wedding bee too...get sucked into the excitement of it all. :-)
@SandyDollHair: Well we have agreed to a budget already, and it's feasible, so I don't think that's it. Good point-she is really shy and doesn't like to be in the spotlight. But I think she really is looking forward to our closest loved ones all being together to celebrate us.
@judithsr: Thanks for the welcome! I love fall weddings. I am going to try to creatively think of things she would like to do. I have to get her to agree to talking about "wedding stuff" first. She totally says it's "my role." Hahaha I wish she could get sucked in to the bee like I have.
I'd ask her to write down the 5 things that are really important to her when it comes to the actual day, and perhaps consult most with her on those. My husband was really uninterested in a lot of the planning process too; it wasn't because he didn't care about the wedding, but just didn't care about a lot of the planning aspects. He definitely pulled his weight when it came to execution, but I definitely didn't consult him on little things I knew he wouldn't care about.
@penguin: Thanks for the welcome! Your situation makes me really hopeful...
Welcome!
My FI definitely hasn't been interested in every aspect of the planning. I've been the one who has done all the research, contacting vendors, signing contracts, confirming, making decisions. He has helped when I say I need you to do X. But sometimes that is hard. He is really excited about the wedding but he is just not a planner like I am.
I agrea with whoever said find out what are the most important parts to her and work on those together. If you have agreed on the rest then just have at it. Run ideas by her and let her know what you are doing.
Just try to have fun with it and don't take on more than you can handle doing yourself.
Hi and welcome!
Another idea for you might be to narrow things down to a few top choices. Rather than say, sit down lets look at cakes and watch her glaze over or reply with "whatever you want is fine". Give her a few of your favorite choices. It's easier to pick between 2 or 3 of something, especially if you know the person likes both options so your not picking the "wrong" thing.
This is what I agreed to with my FI. He isn't anti-planning and he cares about the wedding. But the minor details, where I want his input, he really doesn't care. So his solution was to bring him a few choices and he'll let me know if he has a preference.
Hope that makes sense.
i like miss penguins idea about 5 important things. my FI likes to fish. i was not going to carry a fishin pole down the aislle but we are wrking on a fish themed grooms cake. he also likes the 49ers...so thats what my garter is. just do what you think she would like and roll with it. make sure you incorperate a little of both of you in there! have fun and dont worry about typos. i have them allll the time. lol welcome to the bee :-)
@flutterbi: yes I like the idea of picking a few and letting her choose one. I feel like that would work.
I love my FI and she loves to do absoutely no planning for our wedding. She hired me a wedding planner for that. She said she is going to show up and sign checks (but we will see how much of the latter happens)......................................... i am content with what she does and that she stays out my way ( is clumsy )
I definitely agree with PP about finding some things she would be excited about to help with. The other misconception my FI had was when I told her I haven't been planning my wedding since I was 4 like some girls. She was like "What?" And I had to explain that wedding planning is stressful for me, and even though I'm doing most of it, some help would be nice. Since then she's been more accepting of tasks I've given her. :P We are nearly finished up in planning at this point, but I'd still say it was like 75%-25% as far as actual planning.
Also, welcome! :)
In my opinion I think that is normal. My husband now, didn't care about the details, still doesn't. We still have our reception to plan, and well I know by now that it just doesn't interest him. I tried to shove it down his throat and then realized for what? You have fun planning, the bee is awesome for ideas and for the most part people are nice here. No one else in the "real world" is gaga for this stuff like us! It's addicting. I am sure there are things your fiance likes that you don't. People are wired different, don't take it personal. And btw, welcome!
@bellagio: Thanks! Giving tasks is probably what I will end up with but overall seems to work best.
@Carolyn72: That's true, I am not at all into her video games, but if she asked me to choose between three i could definitely pick one I liked best. And yes, it is how she is wired, not anything personal or her choosing to make me feel bad. That concept helps me understand better. Thank you!
HI everyone, ias I said before I am technologically unsavvy. I originally made a profile with my name and photo. Then i reaized when I wanted to post i should change for privacy. I changed to cupcake2012. Now I have posted on support to please delete and they said to delete my avatar but I cannot figure that out! Can anyone help? It is embarassing I am this bad at technology issues.
My FI has some interest in it, but not tons. She appreciates all I do and thanks me constantly. I complain, I have a meltdown and she holds my hand through the whole thing. She wants to help but is helpless when it comes to "girly" stuff. So, I have her easy things to do. Like: emailing the DJ all our fave songs. Calling the caterer every week to fix a few issues until it was done, running payments to caterer and reception hall, pricing stuff online, picking out her own suit, putting together the day of schedule, etc. I update her on projects she can handle and she does great!
My FI isn't interested in planning the wedding either. Just because shes not interested in planning, doesnt mean shes not interested in getting married. My partner never talked about the plans with me and hated it when i dragged her from place to place (shed wait in the car basically..)but once we had an issue and almost had to cancel the wedding, her true colors showed. "its my wedding too!! and just because im not interested in trying cake doesnt mean i dont wanna marry you!"
everyones different. actually, im enjoying planning the wedding alone. it's easier lol
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Hello everyone,
This is my first time posting on a board of any kind, so please bear with me. I hope I follow all of the proper etiquette! In this day and age I am still pretty unsavvy. Anyway, my fiance and I have been engaged for about 3 months. Although a date is not set, we intend to get married next fall. It will involve a move and job chnage most likely for her (she lives 2 hours away currently). I still like to look around at ideas and concepts and really, next fall is not far away in terms of weddings.
Yes, I am definitely the femme in our relationship, but I thought maybe she would want to at least provide some kind of encouragement or opinions on some things. I am thrilled that she just cares about the marriage itself and not the party itself, but it is frustrating when she shuts out completely when I mention any ideas. I want this to be a celebration we both put thought into. I am creative and love planning weddings. My twin sister is getting married in May of next year and my fiance can't stand hearing about it either. Am unreasonable to expect her to at least act like she cares when I talk about OUR wedding stuff?