Fiancé not invited- what would you do?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: I am declining the invite, what else would you do? (choose multiple)
    Still invite her and husband to our wedding : (66 votes)
    22 %
    Don't invite her or her husband : (45 votes)
    15 %
    Apologize to cousins in that side that it's a small wedding & don't invite them : (26 votes)
    9 %
    Only invite the cousin I was close to : (46 votes)
    15 %
    Send card, but no gift : (58 votes)
    19 %
    Send them a gift : (57 votes)
    19 %
    Send her a short msg saying something described below : (5 votes)
    2 %
    Other described below : (2 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    6525 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Shkragoldfish:  Okay  let me start by saying I hate when people don’t invite SO’s when they have been together for awhile–obviously you and your FI have been together for quite some time and now your engaged. Even if you weren’t engaged, she should have invited both you and your FI because its not like you just met the guy!! 


    I would decline but send a gift.


    ANd about inviting ALL the cousins– you invite who you want. I am in the same boat- I have 4 cousins that are brothers, and I am only inviting two of them  because the other two I don’t speak too. I have another group of cousins that I am not close with and only talk to on FB but I am inviting the other cousins that I speak to regularly. Its our wedding, we are paying for it, I will invite who I want.




    Post # 4
    5935 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I wouldn’t go without my FI. Yes, I can handle being without him for a night but I enjoy his company and I’m pretty shy so if he wasn’t there I’d probably feel awkward and bored. I’d decline. I’m not sure about the gift thing…I was always under the impression that if you declined there was no need to send a gift. A wedding is about a couple joining together in marriage, not getting gifts.

    Post # 5
    3948 posts
    Honey bee

    You werent planning to go even before you got the invite, so I would decline and send a card. Maybe a gift from their registry if you want to.

    Post # 6
    6173 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013


    or if you are close with the cousin, ask her.

    you and FI are a unit.

    is your mother close with her mother, ask your mother to talk to her.


    Post # 7
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I wouldn’t attend her wedding alone, and I’d probably send a card (but I’m not really in a financial position to give a large gift if I’m not attending a wedding).

    I would invite her and her husband if you were planning on having them originally. 

    Post # 9
    111 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I get not inviting bf/gf because not everyone has the money for that, but FIs to me seem like a requirement just like a spouse would be.

    I wouldn’t go or send anything. As for inviting cousins if you’re not close to them, then don’t invite them. It’s not a family reunion. We only invited those that we were close to.

    Post # 10
    2111 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    @Shkragoldfish:  There wasn’t an option in the poll for going without your FI. Would you have declined if he was invited? If so, I don’t understand the problem.  

    Post # 11
    967 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    If you were planning on declining anyway, why the angst?

    ETA: Ah, I get it. Since you feel snubbed on your FI’s behalf, you’re asking if that allows you to remove her from your guest list. It’s your wedding, if you don’t want her there, don’t invite her. You don’t need a verifiable reason. 

    Post # 12
    3199 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @Shkragoldfish:  i would say 1) still invite them both and 2) IF you send a gift, make it something small (under $50).

    Post # 13
    233 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Don’t go, send a small gift in the mail and invite them both to your wedding. They probably won’t come anyway, but at least you’ll take the high road in this situation.

    Post # 14
    753 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Send a gift and well wishes.. Sorry we cant make it and leave it at that.. 

    I never get why u wouldnt invite SOs.. its never for you to judge how serious someones relationship is.. 

    if you hav a small wedding invite people you can and want to have there and dont make others miserable by making them experience it alone.. 

    you live in a diff state its not like you will have many people to hang out with there.. ya family but its different.. 

    Post # 15
    3476 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I voted for several options.  Decline, send a card (no gift) wishing her well from both of you.  (Ignore that she did not invite both of you.)  Then, considering you do not want to invite most of the cousins – don’t, and just invite the cousin you are close to.  Normally I follow the “invite circles” plan and I think it still applies here – you are not inviting a circle of cousins, but you are inviting someone, who happens to be a cousin, who you are close to.  The only thing really likely to get you in trouble is if you invite all of the cousins except her to “snub” her.

    Post # 16
    1470 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m an a$$hole….so I would decline and only invite who I wanted to my wedding. I think it was rude of her to leave out your fiance but at least it gets you out of the obligation to invite her and her husband.

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