Post # 1
I received the invitation to my cousin’s wedding only addressed to me and the rsvp card said twice that only 1 person was invited. I got engaged 2 months after her, 2-3 months before she sent out save the dates, 7 months before her wedding. She is very organized and into planning, so this was definitely her decision and intentional.
we played together some as kids and see each other once every year or 2, but we grew up in different states and aren’t very close because of that. Before getting the invite,I’d been feeling bad that we’d have to decline because we need to save and have a few other weddings requiring travel that we need to attend because we’re closer to the couple. I’ve never met her fiancé and she hasn’t met mine either. She’s aware that we’re engaged and has spoken to me about it briefly.
I’m curious about your thoughts. I’d prefer her to have invited both of us or neither. I would fully understand if she didnt invite me, but to invite me and exclude him seems rude. I know our guest list and gifts shouldn’t necessarily be based on others’ lists but we were already having a very hard time getting our list down.
we haven’t sent this side of the family save the dates or said anything about inviting them to the wedding yet. Before getting the invite, I’d felt like I had to invite her and her husband-to-be (they’ll be married before our wedding) to my wedding, but this makes me double-think that.
If I don’t invite her and her husband, I’d probably still invite all aunts and uncles, but would I probably need to also not invite the other cousins from that side of the family (about 4 of them and also in the other state, so I’m not too close to them either)? there is one cousin there that I was close to at one point, so I’d like to invite her regardless.
Until now, there’s been an unspoken rule that this group of cousins invite each other to big events, but typically only the aunts/uncles at most fly to attend. Most of us have never talked to or seen each other outside of our parents getting together. It’s been hard to try to plan for that whole state/side of the family when I’m not close to them and we typically don’t attend each other’s events, but I thought I *had* to invite them all (about 20 total, including SOs).
Post # 3
@Shkragoldfish: Okay let me start by saying I hate when people don’t invite SO’s when they have been together for awhile–obviously you and your FI have been together for quite some time and now your engaged. Even if you weren’t engaged, she should have invited both you and your FI because its not like you just met the guy!!
I would decline but send a gift.
ANd about inviting ALL the cousins– you invite who you want. I am in the same boat- I have 4 cousins that are brothers, and I am only inviting two of them because the other two I don’t speak too. I have another group of cousins that I am not close with and only talk to on FB but I am inviting the other cousins that I speak to regularly. Its our wedding, we are paying for it, I will invite who I want.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t go without my FI. Yes, I can handle being without him for a night but I enjoy his company and I’m pretty shy so if he wasn’t there I’d probably feel awkward and bored. I’d decline. I’m not sure about the gift thing…I was always under the impression that if you declined there was no need to send a gift. A wedding is about a couple joining together in marriage, not getting gifts.
Post # 5
You werent planning to go even before you got the invite, so I would decline and send a card. Maybe a gift from their registry if you want to.
Post # 6
or if you are close with the cousin, ask her.
you and FI are a unit.
is your mother close with her mother, ask your mother to talk to her.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t attend her wedding alone, and I’d probably send a card (but I’m not really in a financial position to give a large gift if I’m not attending a wedding).
I would invite her and her husband if you were planning on having them originally.
Post # 8
@Daizy914: You’re right. Instead of being petty, this has given me a chance to rethink who I actually want to invite. Out of that group of cousins, I’d probably only invite her and one other cousin (and their SOs), excluding their siblings who I doubt would care at all or even consider coming and I can have my mom explain the space issues to their moms.
@ajillity81: I won’t ask her or have my aunt ask her because it’d just be awkward- it was intentional and I’m sure she had a decent reason (we all understand budget/capacity issues), but her talking about it won’t change that it seems rude to me.
she probably made a rule to keep numbers/budget lower – either they won’t invite ppl neither one of them has met, only married SOs are invited, or some variation of those.
Post # 9
I get not inviting bf/gf because not everyone has the money for that, but FIs to me seem like a requirement just like a spouse would be.
I wouldn’t go or send anything. As for inviting cousins if you’re not close to them, then don’t invite them. It’s not a family reunion. We only invited those that we were close to.
Post # 10
@Shkragoldfish: There wasn’t an option in the poll for going without your FI. Would you have declined if he was invited? If so, I don’t understand the problem.
Post # 11
If you were planning on declining anyway, why the angst?
ETA: Ah, I get it. Since you feel snubbed on your FI’s behalf, you’re asking if that allows you to remove her from your guest list. It’s your wedding, if you don’t want her there, don’t invite her. You don’t need a verifiable reason.
Post # 12
@Shkragoldfish: i would say 1) still invite them both and 2) IF you send a gift, make it something small (under $50).
Post # 13
Don’t go, send a small gift in the mail and invite them both to your wedding. They probably won’t come anyway, but at least you’ll take the high road in this situation.
Post # 14
Send a gift and well wishes.. Sorry we cant make it and leave it at that..
I never get why u wouldnt invite SOs.. its never for you to judge how serious someones relationship is..
if you hav a small wedding invite people you can and want to have there and dont make others miserable by making them experience it alone..
you live in a diff state its not like you will have many people to hang out with there.. ya family but its different..
Post # 15
I voted for several options. Decline, send a card (no gift) wishing her well from both of you. (Ignore that she did not invite both of you.) Then, considering you do not want to invite most of the cousins – don’t, and just invite the cousin you are close to. Normally I follow the “invite circles” plan and I think it still applies here – you are not inviting a circle of cousins, but you are inviting someone, who happens to be a cousin, who you are close to. The only thing really likely to get you in trouble is if you invite all of the cousins except her to “snub” her.
Post # 16
I’m an a$$hole….so I would decline and only invite who I wanted to my wedding. I think it was rude of her to leave out your fiance but at least it gets you out of the obligation to invite her and her husband.