Post # 1
I recently received a wedding invitation that was only addressed to me. My fiance and I have been together for two and a half years, living together for one and a half years and engaged for six months and bought a house together a few weeks ago. Clearly my fiance is not invited to the wedding, and I am basically okay with that (although I still think it is a little rude).
So here’s my question – when I get married in May, do I have to invite both her and her husband? Is it petty not to? I hadn’t made a clear decision yet on which personal friends would be getting “plus ones” (for the most part almost none of my friends are married or engaged yet).
Post # 3
@Solstice: Does she know your finace? A little strange he didn’t get an invite. Do you think it was an oversight?
Post # 4
I think etiquette dictates that if they’re married, they’re sort of a package deal.
Was it an etiquette faux pas on her part not to invite your FI? Yeah, probably. But that doesn’t mean that you should have the same bad manners.
Perhaps call your friend to clarify whether or not your FI can be included as a +1? Perhaps she (stupidly) assumed that if you’re living together, she didn’t need to put his name on the invite.
Post # 5
I agree — does she know your fiance? I just received an invitation addressed just to me, but it was clear I had a +1… they knew I was engaged, but they didn’t know my fiance’s name.
Post # 6
If any of my guests were engaged and I didn’t know, I would want to know as I believe engaged is as good as married in terms of packaged deals at weddings. Hopefully it’s just oversight or just ignorance (of your relationship status) on her part.
Post # 7
For budgetary reasons, some couples only extend the +1 to spouses, and not fiancé’s. Without knowing if your friend’s decision is budgetary, I won’t pass judgement on faux pas or not, as that is one of the acceptable standards. I would also not make my guest list based on someone else’s invitation to their wedding. In fact it’s a bit less acceptable to split up a married couple than to omit a guests’s fiancé.
Post # 8
I’d ask, as I was invited to a destination wedding, and asked the MOB if they wanted only me? or also my fiance? (And I mentioned I’m coming either way, and it won’t hurt my feelings.) The MOB was mortified, as her son was helping with invitations and just omitted all her notes, including the one that mentioned I was engaged and my fiance’s name. So sometimes things like that get overlooked.
Post # 9
Do I have to invite both her and her husband? Yes, a married couple is a social unit and all social units must be invited together. Your FI and yourself are a social unit as well, and she SHOULD have extended an invitation to your FI. But retalitory rudeness is always impolite.
Is it petty not to? I think so. You wouldn’t be excluding him for any other reason then to retaliate against your FI’s exclusion. Not because you weren’t inviting spouses (well I hope not), but because your FI wasn’t invited and you are doing it to spite them. The meaness of spirit is the definition of petty.
I am going to go against the grain though and say you should 100% NOT ask if your FI is invited. It really puts the hosts in an awkward position. If they did mean to exclude your FI, then it puts them in the position of having to say no. They may “break” their rule and invite your FI because they dont’ know how to say no, and then put him in an awkward place at the wedding.
There are tons of posts on here where people have asked if certain people were included and how bad that made them feel. And it is just not polite to question the hosts guest list.
You should either accept or decline the invitation as it was issued.
Post # 10
@andielovesj: I disagree, it’s easy to make a mistake. I accidently left off a couple’s son, as all 3 of them have different last names and I forgot that I needed to check his last name. They checked with a relative and I was so glad they did!
There’s a difference between asking if someone can come vs. asking if someone was meant to be invited.
@Solstice: If you know someone in the bridal party, check with them. It makes it easier when they weren’t the ones who made the rules of who was invited.
Post # 11
@AB Bride: Mistakes CAN be made. But it is also logical for the couple to follow up with the OP if she responds only for herself, if they meant to actually invite FI as well.
It is not polite to ask if other guests are meant to be invited. Many people may choose to follow up, but it is certainly not the MOST polite way to approach the situation.
Post # 12
That’s a tough one, but I agree, you should not be retaliatory on that point. If she knew you were engaged, it’s kind of weird that she didn’t include a plus one for your FI.
What if you invite someone without a plus one and then a couple months after the invites go out she meets someone and gets engaged? Do you add the plus one? What if you can’t possibly add another guest??
Don’t mean to thread jack!
Post # 13
@andielovesj: Agree. I don’t think the OP should address the bride to be but should simply reply with a yes for herself. If there had been an error (whihc I doubt there has been) they will take it up with her themselves and save everyone the embarrassment.
OP – it’s rude of them not to invite your FI but people have their reasons. If you invite them both to your wedding, they can only then feel bad that they didn’t extend you the same courtesy.
Post # 14
This happened to fiance and I today! He received an invitation for only his name and with nowhere on the invitation suggesting a +1. We would have loved to go to the wedding but he won’t feel comfortable alone.
We’ve been engaged for 9 months, and I’m shocked they didn’t invite us as a couple…I understand mistakes can be made but I think this is a rather large oversight…
Post # 15
When I received the invitation to my best friend’s wedding it was only addressed to me. She knows that I have a long term BF and we talked about the both of us attending. I know she wanted me to bring my BF so I added him on the response card. It might have been an oversight.
Post # 16
@Artificial-Sweetener: I understand it could be an oversight, but everyone says that its even worse etiquette to ask the hosts about the guest list (aka “Is my fiance invited?”). It doesn’t exactly leave you with good options other than to assume it was addressed that way on purpose.