Post # 1
Today I recieved shocking news that my fiancé quit his job. I knew he was unhappy there but I can’t help but feel extremely uncertain of our future. Firstly, we are getting married in 10 days and we are counting every penny to pay for our extremely low budget wedding. Like a ramen noodle and potato every night diet. Not sure if my income alone will be able to pay every all the last minute things. We are broke, broke, broke and I have all this preassure on me to make it work.
Secondly, he didn’t consult me at all. He didnt even consider me. The man just blew up and walked out severing any positive relationship with his ex-employers. Not to mention he wasn’t 2 years without even as much as a good recommendation. Not really the situation I had signed up for…. As if planning a wedding wasnt stressful enough…
Okay Bees, how do I handle this with grace? Anyone been in a similar situation. Should I be ashamed of marrying an unemployed man? I am so frustrated.
Post # 3
“Unemployed” is not necessarily a character flaw, so I see no reason to be ashamed.
Hopefully he’s able to get a new job ASAP, and hopefully you’ll get some cash as wedding gifts to tide you over in the meantime.
Post # 4
Oof, that’s a tough situation. I can’t believe he didn’t consult you at all! I guess that’s how those heat-of-the-moment situations play out.
Last year, my fiance wanted to leave his full-time job to turn his side project into a company. He’d already put a lot of work into it, so we figured he’d be ready to raise money soon, and we’d only go a couple of months without his salary. Turns out, we went 10 months without his salary, and it still is a “Do you think you’ll get paid this month?” situation. We learned to cut our cost of living dramatically (which it sounds like you already are doing), and I hope to keep these habits for a very long time, so even when we have normal income again, we’ll have some freedom if he changes employment. Some of our biggest money savers have been calling the car insurance company to lower our rates (got $15/mo cheaper!), completely cutting clothing shopping (if I need clothes, I find a clothing swap or go to a trade-in thrift store), and bringing my sister in as a roommate in our 2 bedroom apartment. During the month that got really bad, I went around the apartment and sold anything valuable that we didn’t need on Craigslist or eBay.
You shouldn’t be ashamed of marrying an unemployed man. I admire anyone who can take a risk outside the standard 9 to 5, although it’s extra hard that this isn’t a decision you made together. Are you worried about other impulsive decisions he could make during your marriage, or do you think this was a single situation that had been building up for too long? Hopefully you two can discuss how these things wil be handled in the future and what he can do to find new employment.
Post # 5
Yiiiiiiikes. You shouldn’t be ashamed of marrying an unemployed man, but from where I’m sitting, it’s not really about whether he’s employed (though his financial irresponsibility is VERY troubling). What’s most concerning to me that he did not consult with you at all about this, and that it was such an impulsive decision. Did he explain what happened? Is he normally impulsive like this? How did he tell you? What was your convo like? Was he defensive, apologetic, communicative? I think I need more info before I can advise you what to do, because I could see my advice ranging from “seriously reconsider marrying this man” to “he did a major wrong to your relationship, but I can understand where he’s coming from & it sounds totally salvagable.”
ETA: Don’t hesitate to postpone the wedding if you are having doubts because of what he did. I know it would be a major pain in the ass, but it’s MUCH preferable to ignoring red flags and getting a divorce later. Not to be doomsday b/c there’s still a lot of the situation that I don’t know, but trust your gut on this one.
Post # 6
@Mrs.Zapien: I agree with previous posters that you shouldn’t feel ashamed of marrying an unemployed man. However, I think it was very selfish of him to quit his job without even discussing it with you first! I assume he understands your current financial state (especially if you’ve been living on ramen noodles while trying to pinch pennies for the wedding), so to make a rash decision like that … Not cool.
I wish I had some advice for you, but I honestly don’t know what I would do in this situation. I know I’d be very upset and scared … But maybe something is going on with him that needs to be addressed. Have you tried having a rational conversation with him, or is he just not into talking about it at all? I’d definitely try to figure out what prompted him to just blow up and quit his job days before your wedding.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this additional stress, though. I hope you get some answers soon.
Post # 7
@Mrs.Zapien: unemployment happens, but he should have been responsible and found another job first before completely blowing it at his last job. I’ve been in jobs I hated and that really drained me. I wanted to quit on the spot, but I stuck it out until I could find something else. Your FI knows you have a wedding coming up, and his quitting came at the worst possible time.
You should talk to him about the ramifications on your already tight budget, although he’s probably well aware, and talk about the importance of discussing these things with you first, as it directly affects you and your livelihood. It’s not acceptable to just quit when you’ve had enough – especially when it affects you both. it is much easier to find employment when you are employed, so depending on what he does, it may be difficult to find another job straight away. This puts a lot of strain on you to support you both, and pay for the wedding.
It’s a crappy situation, but at the same time, if this is not usual behaviour for him, I wouldn’t be questioning marriage with him. people can reaching their breaking points, but if we all gave in to how we felt at a moment of extreme frustration, we’d all be out of jobs! He just has to think more logically in the future. Yes, the job may suck, but you get paid – a little comfort at the very least.
Hoping everything works out and that he finds a great job ASAP! All the best.
Post # 8
Well I’d be pissed. He didn’t even consult you? I call BS on that. I don’t know if you’re going to have kids, a house and all that jazz at some point but just to up and quit with nothing lined up and not discussing is something a teenager does with their part time job.
Silver Lining: I guess now he has a ton of free time for any last minute DIY projects that haven’t gotten done yet.