Fiancé rejecting money for wedding as gift from my parents

posted 2 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would explain it to him again: My parents are giving us this money for the wedding.  It is specifically for the wedding, not for loans.  

And then, if he doesn’t get it, repeat.  If he really cannot comprehend that your parents want to help pay for a wedding, not pay off your student loans, I don’t know what to tell you…

Post # 3
Member
2833 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If his only reason for not accepting the wedding money is because he thinks it should be used elsewhere, and he ALSO understands that using it elsewhere is literally not an option, then he’s essentially saying that he simply doesn’t feel comfortable accepting a gift that generous, in which case…you just don’t accept it.

If it’s the latter, I understand where he’s coming from. I wouldn’t have accepted that amount from anyone toward my wedding (or even toward my house). For reasons.

Post # 4
Member
1648 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

I also don’t understand why this is so hard for him to comprehend.  It’s for your wedding, not to help you pay your loans, which should be your responsibility anyway, not your parents.

Post # 7
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Catherinehgrt:  $44K in student loans should be managable on a teacher’s salary.  I have about $60K in loans and pay $300 a month.  You shouldn’t be paying more than that.  

That being said, what did your fiance say when you explained that your parents want the money to specifically go to the wedding?

Post # 9
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Catherinehgrt:  I don’t understand what, specifically, is his issue with the plan.  Does he not think you can save the additional $5k in time?  Is he not going to be emotionally ready to get married by next summer (kind of weird since you are engaged, but possible)?  Is he worried that this will give your parents too much contorl over the wedding?  Is he worried that their $15k will basically be put into upgrades to what you guys would have paid for the wedding (since they control the money) and that you guys will be sadled with a big bill for the rest of the event?

There are lots of good reasons why he may be hesitant…but we haven’t seen one here.

Post # 10
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Is this a case of your parents wanting to pay for it now so you can get married now (or very soon) and he is wanting to wait a few years to do it?

This might be more than a question of where the money is going, but more when he is ready to have the wedding?

Post # 12
Member
2763 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

That’s really weird.  If you save the same amount of money, what does it matter where each sum of money goes to…The wedding or the debt. He’s being a goofball!  It’s actually rude to say no to a gift like that. I’d be offended if someone was refusing my gift, regardless of how much it was or how little it was. It’s not all about him either.

Post # 14
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

Maybe as a compromise… get him to accept the money and put it in an investment fund. If you make a return, percentage wise, greater than the interest rate charged on your student loans than you come out well ahead.

Post # 15
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Catherinehgrt:  Well, then I think he’s being a little silly.  Some people can be so illogical when it comes to money.  Obviously this will still help your future financial situation if it means you are no longer planning to save up that $15k for a wedding.  All of the saving that you’d planned to do can no go toward student loan repayment…that’s so clear…

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