Post # 1
Just need to vent a little. My fiance lost his job just before Thanksgiving last year and still hasn’t found anything. We bought a house a year ago, so we are definitely feeling the pressure. We have gotten by on help from his parents and from our tax credit for first time home buyers. Unfortunately, that is going to run out pretty soon. Thankfully, he picked up an hourly job that at least covers groceries and stuff.
On top of that, he’s dragging his feet with any wedding related stuff I ask him for. I don’t want to be nagging him about stuff all the time, but it’s getting increasingly frustrating.
I have let the wedding stuff go (because we still have plenty of time), but the job issue and the money is becoming a HUGE burden. I know he is looking, but he is much slower than I would be in that situation.
We’ve talked and talked…. ad nauseum, so I know he is equally frustrated. Just wish the damn ecomony would pick up!!!
Here’s hoping he has a job soon!!!
Post # 3
I’m sure it is tough for you guys – here’s hoping that he finds something soon. And at least he’s doing something hourly, it may not be much but at least its something to keep you both sane
Post # 4
Ouch that’s tough. While we were engaged, my FI was out of work for almost six months (which is kind of short amount of time especially considering the economy) and I would get frustrated with him too. I felt like if I were him, I’d be networking and sending out resumes all day every day. I’d email him so many job notices from Monster.com–where you just know your resume is going to a great black hole for the most part–and I’d be pissed if he didn’t respond enthusiastically. But the truth is, I have no idea how discouraging and depressing it would be to be laid off. I am lucky it hasn’t happened to me yet. Try not to be divided over this because it’s so easy to let frustration chip away at your relationship in situations like this.
If money is tight, would it be possible for him (or you) to pick up a second job temporarily?
Post # 5
i know it’s tough especially since you bought a house but it’s also tough in the job market. i’ve been out of work since october and i’ve only been on one interview during that time even though i’ve applied for a ton of jobs. i know there are some people who have been laid off and found a job within months but that’s not the case for everyone.
it is really discouraging not getting any responses and it is hard being laid off when i really want to work and be productive but i do what i can. to be honest, i would find it really hard to be excited for wedding stuff when i was having trouble taking care of my day to day obligations. maybe that’s what is happening to him. my bf makes a big deal about being able to provide for us and feeling inadequate that he hasn’t been able to do that yet so i wonder if your fi is feeling the same kind of strain, especially after not being able to land a full-time job after so long.
either way, try to be supportative and understanding. at least he is working an hourly job so there is some kind of money coming in.
Post # 6
Can he file for unemployment? You should look into that to get you by until he gets another job. The unemployment place will give you resources too & you should look into food stamps. I hope your FI finds one soon!!
Post # 7
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s so tough to be out of work. But, I agree with filing for unemployment. That will definitely help. What kind of work does your FI do? Does he have a degree of some kind? Does he know a trade? Could he work as a security guard someplace, they usually pay a little higher. If there’s a Starbucks nearby, they hire part time very regularly and give benefits for part-timers. If he is qualified to tutor anything, especially math or science, he could do that independently and make very good money.
I hope there’s light at the end of this tunnel for you guys really soon!!! 🙂
Post # 8
I completely understand, My FI has been out for A YEAR! and we’ve been engaged for 8 months now, and wedding in less than 3! He’ll get a job (any jjob) before the wedding, and he’s trying to hard…its tough, and hard on not just him, but me too…we should be enjoying planning our wedding…instead, Im so afraid that if i buy something or ask about putting a deposit down because I don’t want to spend money…so frustrating! Best of luck!!!
Post # 9
I’m sure he’s frustrated and wants to get a job asap, but don’t nag him. I’ve been laid off twice (both happened in 2008) and it was the lowest points of my life. It really took a toll on my emotions/self worth with the constant sending of resumes only to receive NO response. I would hate to be at home applying for jobs left and right, get no response, and then have someone nag me about it later. I would lay off about wedding stuff too, he’s probably just not up to working on that when he’s worried about a job and finances.
Hopefully it picks up and he finds something soon!
Post # 10
@kericita: I’m unemployed for the second time in two years – and I’m going to second everything you said. My first layoff was one of MY lowest points in life too. I became sad and depressed and the last thing I needed to hear was nagging about ‘why didn’t I have a job’ – Here I am after 11 months of solid employment and I was laid off AGAIN. It’s tougher out there than people realize, especially if you are in a specific or small field like I am. So many of us in my industry are unemployed that we are all fighting for the same handful of positions.
I encourage the OP to be supportive of her fiance and be thankful your wedding is not imminent – we are in the position of paying for a wedding on our own on one income – while also floating our mortgage. Times are just plain tough.
Post # 11
I agree with the above posters. I suggest leaving the wedding stuff alone for now and picking an alternate date to get married. It is no fun to be out of work and it is especially no fun to have a job where you can only pay for groceries and a few other things. I am sure he is very depressed about this and doing his best. Jobs are scarce right now and it is hard for everyone. He can put in a kazzillion resumes and still get no response. He is very lucky to have the hours he has now. He is probable feeling really depressed about your money situation and doesn’t really know what else he can do about it. I suggest talking to your mortgage company to see if you qualify for a forebearance where you wouldn’t have to make payments for a few months and/or a loan remodification. We were in a terrible situation with our mortgage and were able to qualify for a loan remodification and that has lowered our payments by almost $500.00. Also for food, check out the food banks in your area and apply to the state for aid if you think you qualify. There is nothing wrong for asking for help when you need it. It doesn’t mean you need to be on it forever. That is part of the reason we pay taxes; so if we need some help, we can get some help.
Post # 12
Thanks everyone for the feedback. I know this ecomony is tough for a lot of people. I’m thankful he’s done what he can to help out now. We are working on refinancing so that we can reduce our payments.
We will not be rescheduling the wedding. We still have 9 months, and I know (hope) he will find something by then. My parents are paying for most of the wedding as they did with my sister, so that has been a big relief.
Best wishes to all of you all as well!
Post # 13
I don’t want to sound rude or pessimistic but I’m unemployed too (I can’t even find hourly, I’ve had an interview at three retail stores and na-da) Here’s our plan of action and some advice about “finding a job pressure” (even though you may not want it, but I’m going through the whole pressure to find a job thing)
We haven’t put anything down deposit wise at all (except out bouquets and they dont have to be paid off til next year, we had some extra money so decided to put 50% down) and we’re waiting til exactly one year away to put down any deposits at all. If we hit the 1 year mark and I dont have a job we’re postponing it, and it’s upsetting but we have no other choice. My fiance bugs me about a job and it makes me feel so pressured into getting a job and it makes me not even want to look for a job , and then I end up guilt tripping myself about being unemployed. The pressure to find a job is really hard and I feel like I have to justify everything I do to everyone because i’m unemployed. I’m just throwing this out there that you definately don’t want to pressure him because the pressure causes so much stress.
Post # 14
I highly suggest that your FI start looking at any and every type job. I would begin having him apply at every starbucks in town, every bookstore, retail, etc. ANYTHING to get a paycheck coming in. I know it is rough especially if you are well educated to be applying and accepting random jobs but even in crappy jobs you can make connections. Also if it is something totally not related to your career field you don’t have to put it on your resume.
Post # 15
Seeing as I am Meganrose’s sister, I feel a slight need to defend her honor here:) I really don’t think she was necessarily saying that she is pressuring him. I think she just probably has been asking him here and there about if he has applied anywhere that was something he would really be interested in. I think she just need to vent to some of the awesome bees on the board, just to kinda get it off her chest WITHOUT having to nag are her FI.
And, to give you some slight perspective on her FI, he is WONDERFUL and I love him but it takes him FOREVER to do everything, tell a story, send an email, write a sentence 🙂 you get it.
Love you meganrose!
Post # 16
I feel your pain, meganrose. My fiancee has been unemployed for almost 18 months. He was working when we met in ’08 then got laid off in Jan of ’09. He found a job that May, but then the company shut down so he was laid off from that job just 3 months later. He’s been out of work since Labor Day ’09 and it’s been really hard. I try to not pressure him too much or ask about how many resumes he’s sending out because I know he’s been diligent about it and that my asking will only make things worse. The worst part is the blow to his self worth and not being able to sleep. He had a second interview on Thursday and he’s supposed to hear “early this week” so hopefully it’ll be the break we need. His unemployment just ran out last week 🙁
The economy sucks and my heart goes out to everyone going through this nightmare.