Post # 1
I need some advice…. in the last three weeks i have noticed by fiance texting “Michael” quite often. I told him i hadn’t heard of Micheal before and wondered who he was. He told me he was a friend from work. I felt strange about this exchange and decided to snoop in his phone (he changed his password prior so i had to sneak a peek and figure it out) In his text messages to Micheal i found that it this contact was actually a female co worker he works with on a PT basis. I did not want to confront him right away becasue i wanted to monitor the situation because from what i could see it was just saying hi to each other and talking about the two dogs we have (I assume shes a dog lover too) Three weeks later however and he is still texting “Michael” also known as Michelle. I have been sneaking into his texts and reading there converstaions. They do not talk everyday but it seems to be an equal amount of first exchanges.
Today i saw a text from her and than asked him why he doesn’t talk about Micheal as much as his other co-workers (he told me “he” works at his FT job) and he told me he only tells me about the goof balls and the guys he doesnt care for….. how am i supposed to take this? Our wedding is in two monthes….
He has never had any female friends in our 4 year relationship and never seemed to explore interest in other females but it threatens me that he is speaking to this girl from his casual job…. i need some opinons PLEASE
I feel bad for snooping so i am unsure how to bring it up with him.
Post # 3
I think you should just be upfront with him. Tell him you know Michael is actually Michelle, and let him explain exactly why he has her saved in his phone like that. After he explains his side, you can then take it from there.
Post # 4
This is a bad position to be in. I wouldn’t be able to hold it in. I would just confront him, especially about why he feels he needs to be so secretive.
But that’s just me.
Post # 5
It is just that i dont want to seem jealous but at the same time he has her saved under a male alias. Their conversations havn’t been to harmful mostly about what shifts their working, pets, and her hobbie of running. But i still feel strange about the whole thing and am feeling the pressures of holding it in when all i want to do is confront him.
Post # 6
definitely bring it up. it’s a sucky situation for sure, but you wont be able to stop thinking about it till you talk to him. you’ll drive yourself crazy.
Post # 7
I would definately wanna nip that in the bud early… before they do start to like each other…
Post # 8
wowzers!!! Defintely confront him about it. Marriage is a huge step and you need to be able to enter into it on your own terms….give him a chance to tell you what’s going on and then make your decision. Once your decision is made…stick with it!
Post # 9
I would really really talk to him about it… that’s a huge red flag!
Post # 10
This is not in any way, shape or form ok.
Big red flag- if he had nothing to hide he would not be putting her name under an alias. Even thought the texts might seem innocent it is highly likely the intent behind them is not.
Post # 11
Maybe if the situation was different you would have time to wait and see what happens. However…
… you are getting married in 2 months.
You don’t have time to wait and see. Confront him, and don’t accept: “I knew you would react like this, so I saved her under a male name”. If he knew you would react like this then he must have known that THIS is wrong!!!
Post # 12
I don’t know, this is a tough one. My ex and I were really good friends before we started dating. Dated for awhile broke up and we remained really good friends. He introduced me to his new girlfriend who then became his wife and he has my name stored under my last name in his phone. We only speak or text once every few months or if we have exciting news to share, like recently he text that they were expecting another child, when they found out the sex he text to let me know. Absolutley nothing is going on between us. Don’t know why he stored is that way.
What would bother me about your situation is that he never mentioned her before. I could see if he mentioned her, you didn’t like it and he still wanted to be friends with her. Ask him if he is inviting Michael to the wedding? I think you need to ask him about it but I have no idea how you should approach him about it
Post # 13
I would confront him. If he makes you going into his phone an issue I’d ignore it. When I first started dating my husband he tried getting upset when he got caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing- I told him my relationships are open. If he didn’t like it he could hit the road (and he almost was hitting the road anyway).
See what he says about the situation and make a decision from there. Regardless, he’s in trouble for lying- but his excuse will help you decide if you want to go through with the marriage.
Post # 14
When I was breaking up with my previous relationship and had a crush on another guy whom I was texting… I stored his name under my best friends name (with the wrong spelling).
And the reason I did it was so if my then partner looked at who I was texting it would be a girls name and he would shrug it off because I didnt want him to know I was interested in another guy.
And he actually DID look over and say “Who are you Texting? Oh its just best friends name”
That guy I was texting I hooked up with not long after the break up (like a couple of days), he is now my FI.
Post # 15
So the moral of my story is he is doing it to throw you off his trail. Where there is smoke, there is fire.
Perhaps he DELETES the incriminating messages and just leaves the harmless ones incase you do see?
Post # 16
If you are snooping in the first place rather than having honest conversations with one another, your relationship is not built on trust. He may have never had female friends in the past while you were dating but he should be allowed them and he should feel that he is allowed them. If he feels he has to hide an innocent friendship, there is a problem somewhere. Also, when he does hide it, that is a problem in the way he reacts. He should be honest and open with you. Could it be possible that this is an innocent friendship but he feels he has to hide it because you wouldn’t want him to have a female friend other than yourself?
Whatever the reason for his lying is, lying is a problem and you guys need to talk openly and honestly about this before you can commit your lives to one another. This must be really tough on you. Good luck bringing up the conversation – be brave and just do it.