Post # 1
Last night my fiance decided to tell me that this relationship was over via text message. He then said that neither one of us has been happy. I am sitting here knowing that this has not hit me yet. Today was supposed to be our engagement party. His parents have not even formally called mine yet to tell them not to drive 2 hours to their hometown.
Instead of being supportive and kind, family members are telling me that I push and push and basically saying that I deserve this.
I don’t deserve to be broken up via text message.
Post # 2
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
southernbelle92: You definitely don’t deserve a text message break up the day of your engagement party. Your ex-FI is a huge coward for doing that to you. I’m so sorry!
This is one of those times where both people need to be adults and have a conversation about what is going on in the relationship. Leaving it with a one-sided text message will not bring you closure. You need to call him and keep calling him until he can give you the decency to answer and explain what is happening.
It is not his family’s responsibility to call your parents. You need to call them and tell them what is going on so they can let anyone else who was planning on attending the party today know, to spare the drive for them as well. I think you will (should) be able to use your family for a support system. Maybe go to your parents for dinner to ease your mind.
Post # 3
You do not deserve to be broken up over text message. It is a dick move.
Having been there in a previous relationship, I can say now that it is for thebest. IT is a sign that you two had so many issues and that this wasn’t right. It wasn’t the mature way to do a break up, but it is for the best.
My advice to you is to block his friends and family (cell phone. facebook, email, whatever) and focus on your support system. Your ex-FI’s parents shouldn’t talk to your parents and I would encourage asking them to come support you.
Once again, I am really sorry. You don’t deserve this.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
southernbelle92: I just read your previous posts… you poor thing. I don’t think you are going to find the comfort you need from your mom or dad, as they seem to be both emotionally and physically abusive. I was really pulling for you that your ex-FI could stand up and be the support system you needed in your life, and help you get out of that abusive situation 🙁 Can you still go to your Aunt’s? Do you have a friend you can stay with? Again, I’m sorry this happened to you, but it is most likely for the best as your ex seems like a very selfish jerk who doesn’t care enough about you.
Post # 5
I am so sorry OP, you don’t deserve that. I agree with PPs, gather your family and friends around you for support.
Post # 6
I’m really sorry all of this has happened, especially after looking up your past threads.
I know it’s such a shock right now, but please try to focus on your healing… do things you enjoy, and please lean on the shoulders on your friends during this time.
No one deserves that, and you did nothing to warrant that.
Edit: please go to your Aunt’s.
Post # 7
southernbelle92: I’m sorry that happened, that’s brutal and awful. I wouldn’t call him for an explanation more than once. actions speak louder than words, and his actions are screaming ” I’m a douchebag!” There is a remote chance that he just freaked out, but odds are heavy that he is not ready for marriage.
No matter if you “pushed” or not, you didn’t force this man to get engaged or have an engagement party, and he should have and could have spoken up sooner. You are not to blame for his choice to be immature and hurtful.
ETA after seeing old posts
Post # 8
FutureDrAtkins: Thank you so much. I nearly begged for him to take me back but I made it clear I didn’t want him to feel like he is doing any favors. But even if he does still love me and want to be with me, he said those words over text and is currently sitting at a soccer game like there is no care in the world.
Post # 9
Tinatiny1: His communication has just been awful. Screaming and throwing pillows and leaving the room.
The fact that I never got a phone call out of him speaks volumes.
Post # 10
southernbelle92: Breaking up with someone via text message is such a dick move!
Given that he was the kind of guy that thinks it’s ok to break up via text message, I would say that you dodged a bullet. If he doesn’t respect you enough to see you in person (or even CALL) then he clearly doesn’t deserve to marry you and you’re better off with someone else.
I know that it is very difficult to let go, but you need to. As PP said you need to cut off all contact. He may decide later that he made a mistake and make excuses and try to start things up again, don’t fall for it! Lean on your family and if you feel like it may help, try going to counseling. I did a few after a very bad break up and it helped just to talk to a neutral party about what was going on.
Edited: I just remembered your previous posts… so your family (at least your parents) might not be the best support system for you. In this case, I would definitely try to speak to someone like a therapist. Maybe join a women’s club or other group of some sort for support.
Post # 11
I’m sorry this has happened to you! It must be devastating and confusing… I’m not sure what to say since I don’t know how your relationship was with your fiance or if there is any truth to what your family members are saying but I will say this… from my experience- my now husband and I fought a lot about both of our “flaws”. He is super laid back and I am a bit high strung at times so you can imagine we had a lot of ups and downs during our relationship. When he called me out on things that I would do that might be construed as being “controlling”, I had to take a step back and really see myself through his perspective. After that, I did agree with him. Sometimes, I was extremely over-bearing and expected just too much out of him because that’s what I expected from myself. I came to the realization that that’s not fair to him…
My point is- take a step back, be unbiased and try to consider his perspective. Relationships are hard… but at the end of the day if you both love eachother then you need to be willing to work on yourselves as individuals and the way you treat eachother in order to fuse your lives together for the rests of your lives.
But bottom line- your family is wrong in that they believe you deserve this. Nobody deserves to have their heart broken like that… especially over a text message? He sounds immature to be honest with you. If he was a MAN, he would have come to you and told you how he felt- if he TRULY loved you- he would have come to you and tried to fix the problem, not completely dissolve the realtionshion on the day of your engagement party of all days!
If you two decide to stay together, maybe you should consider putting the engagement off for a while. Sounds like you two will have issues to resolve, on both ends. He definitely needs to grow up and maybe you need to learn to step back a little… I had to and it has helped my relationship with my husband. We appreciate eachother and that allows us to love eachother more.
Post # 12
I am so sorry you’re going through this. At this point, I Would call your parents and tell them not to make the drive, or just come to you so you can have thier support.
Post # 13
southernbelle92: UGH! I hate it when my husband does things like that. We could be in a middle of a fight… I’m at home crying my eyes out and he’s at a buddy’s house just hanging out and having a good old time. It just makes the situation even more frustrating!
Post # 13
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
southernbelle92: Do not beg for him to take you back. He’s proven over and over that he doesn’t love you. I hope that doesn’t come across harshly, but when your dad was physically harming you he acted ambivalent to it. He is not your knight in shining armor and is not someone you should commit your life to! Take this as a sign to cut ties and move in with your aunt.
Post # 15
Has anything specific happened between the two of you since you moved out of your parents’ house?