Getting your FI to help with this is a great exercise in teamwork and compromise, and trust me, you’re going to be dealing with issues like this your whole married life, so you need to work it out now. You have some great advice already, but here are a few things I found useful:
1. The two of you need to agree that for the big things, you work as a team. Even if the thing in question is more important to one of you than to the other. It’s not acceptable for him to say "the wedding/nursery/anniversary party for you parents/raising the kids is your thing" and then not help at all. That’s equally true the other way around! If he thinks that you’re going to be interested in every thing that’s important to him, he’s seriously deluded – but one of the things you’re agreeing by being married is to help each other through life, and often that includes participating in things that really aren’t of a great deal of interest to you, just because they are important to your spouse.
2. Once you’ve agreed on that, you need to realize that probably he really doesn’t care what color the table linens are, or which ribbon looks better on the favors – just like he really doesn’t care which pair of black sandals you wear Saturday night. If he’s like many men, it all looks about the same to him. So you can make those choices all by yourself, or with your mom or your girlfriends. And really, you’re just looking for affirmation in those areas, right? So it’s all good. Don’t overload him with the details that just don’t interest him. It’s sort of like (to be hugely stereotypical here) when he starts describing performance specs for the fuel injection on his car. You just don’t care. You’re more interested in the sound system, or whether it has seat heaters.
3. So – figure out what would interest him. For most guys, the big hitters are music, food, drink, the guest list, and the vows. Some guys also have a big interest in the invitations, general decor (not too girly) and their outfits. You can safely expect him to have an opinion over most of these things, so making him a partner in the decision is a reasonable thing.
4. Set up meetings. Most guys really don’t want to talk wedding 24/7 – they don’t understand why we’re so obsessed, and they get overloaded really fast. So the idea of Wedding Wednesdays is great. We started out with a Planning Meeting once a month, over lunch, and worked our way up to every other week, and then every week during the last 6 weeks. I would put together my research, narrow it down to a few choices, and present them – or sometimes just present my final choice. Or we would make all the decisions together – in the case of going through catering menus. But when we sat down to do it, he was in the mindset that we were now going to do wedding stuff, and that made it quite successful.
5. You probably can’t expect him to do much research. Face it, most guys idea of planning a party is buying a keg and making a few last minute phone calls (one of which will be for pizza). The concept of spending hours and hours on the internet looking for just the right color and size circles of chiffon to wrap favors is just beyond him. Some things that he might actually research could be: DJs; bands; rented equipment of any kind (tent, chairs, tables). You’ll have better luck if you’ve already established what it is you want, and all he has to do is go out and kill it and drag it home. It’s what he’s good at, so go with it.
6. Since you are a team, have some quality time together by acting like one. Go to the vendor appointments together. Taste cake together. Walk through venues together. Taste entrees together. Go look at tuxes or suits together. Interview officiants together. (Maybe go to the florist with your mom. Again, the more you can keep this to things that he has some actual interest in, the better luck you will have.)
And once you get him involved, remember that he’s going to do things in his own way. If you’re a team (as opposed to you being the boss and him the employee) he does get to do things differently than you would. That’s the way it’s going to be from now on, you know. Just because he doesn’t do it exactly when or how you would doesn’t mean he’s wrong – and figuring out his style is going to be important, because again, you’re going to have this issue on every subject from yard work to house cleaning to child raising – from now until death do us part. My husband can drive me absolutely crazy with his laid back attitude towards most things – but I have to admit that he does get them done, when it really counts. I’m getting way better at biting my tongue and waiting. I wish you a lot of patience, and creativity, and understanding – and I hope that in the end you have a lot of fun planning with your new partner and team mate!