Post # 1
My FI and I have been engaged for almost 10 months and our wedding is in less than six months. Everything has been perfect, engaged bliss, until I lost my job of four years last month.
I have never been unemployed before and getting fired was a gut wrenching experience. However, I have a lot of great experience in my field (fundraising) and awesome recommendations. Unfortunately, the job market in our current city is not the best and there are not very many open positions for my skill set. After applying for ALL the jobs I could find in our city, I started applying for jobs in other states.
I have been offered a job in my home state of Alabama, a four hour flight away. My FI says he will not move and does not want to do a long-distance relationship. I don’t know what to do!
Should I stay put and cross my fingers to find another job locally? Take the dream job in Alabama and hope he comes around?
We can afford for me to stay unemployed for another few months, but after that, I won’t have a choice but to move if I can’t find a job locally. I am terrified of losing FI, but of also never getting my career back on track. Help!
Post # 3
@SinCityBride702: Is there a particular reason why your FI won’t consider moving back? Is he possibly worried he won’t be able to get a job? I believe relationships are about compromise and it doesn’t seem like he is offering much compromise.
Or would he be open to moving to a different city/state if you found a job?
Post # 4
If you moved, would you be able to support your FI while he looked for a job? If not, then I think he’s kind of out of options. It seems really unfair that he’s not willing to consider moving. This is the man who asked you to marry him. I would expect him to be willing to make some major life changes if your financial situation required it, or at least for him to come up with a viable alternative if he’s unwilling to move.
Post # 5
Is he never willing to move from Vegas? Would you plan on coming back? Is there another location you both can move to? If you left Vegas, and he stayed, could he afford to live there (I’m sort of assuming you live together there)? Is he willing to support you if you can’t find work? For a while if your career is derailed? If you can’t find another job in a few months and literally can’t afford to continue on, I honestly don’t see what choice you would have but to go where the jobs are. Have you have everything booked for the wedding? Maybe it should be postponed until this is ironed out. It’s hard, but I think it’s possible. My best friend did long distance NYC and SF for 5 years. It can be done if you really want it to work.
Post # 6
@SinCityBride702: I don’t know. I know I lost my job before the wedding, but I stayed and we made it work (I could have moved back to another city). Things worked out, he got a raise and I wouldn’t have left for the world.
I know you may not want to hear this, but have you considered another type of job to hold you over till one in your feild opens up.
I always like to think of relationship first, job 5th…hahaha I don’t think jobs are the be all end all in my life, they get me what I need to get, I love them when I enjoy them, I love to build and use my skills…but if I had to choose between unemployment and my DH (or then Fi) I would have chose him and worked at MCDonalds (just an extreme example) until I found something better.
But you 2 have to do whats best for your relationship…you definetly need to look at what is at risk for him if he left too…
Post # 7
I’m a firm believer in work to live, not live to work. I could not imagine leaving my FI for a job… it just wouldn’t work for us. I’d be employed, but miserable. Is your career more important to you than your FI?
There has got to be some sort of compromise here. I understand him not wanting to uproot your lives for your new job – what happens to his?