- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
Our engagement is pretty much over, he asked for the ring back and I’am just devastated….this had gone from one of the happiest moments in my life where I REALLY thought I finally had something of my own and that this would be the last time I had to ‘move on’ to a total nightmare. This situation has brought out THEE worst in us as a couple and the fights are just knock down drag out vicious and I NEVER thought it would be over something like this…All the while the woman in question has not ONCE come forward and offered an apology OR to step back.
Granted it was my FH’s idea to offer to be there for her, NEITHER of them consulted me! I mean really? When I found out I got upset because A) he didnt have the consideration to ask me and B) It made ME look like the bad guy when he had to go back to her and tell her that he ‘couldnt do it’…. Am I totally off base when I feel that child birth should be shared with female family and the man who fathered the child??? Personally I would NOT feel comfortable with a man who was not the father in the room AT ALL! But to give everyone some background on this ‘woman’, she got pregnant from a one night stand and decided to keep the baby and has basically played the damsel in distress ever since! And my fiance just jumps through hoops to help her! I cant BELEIVE this! All he keeps saying is that shes his friend and she needs him and I should understand and that the dispute is now between me and her…Im frustrated to tears. He’s kicked me out several times over this and I just feel like this is the biggest nightmare ever and he refuses to see why Im upset.
The other kicker is that this woman and I had previously been friends from the beginning…I wouldnt make a fuss when he went out to lunch with her or breakfast, even without me. I just didnt have any red flags pop up till she got pregnant and clingy. She busted into our house when she found out the man she was involved with was not faithful…(Like we didnt see THAT coming…) and she just has always behaved as if she were entitled to my fiances time and maybe Im being foolish but I thought once he proposed to me he would set some personal boundaries with the people around him.
I mean, she had not congratulated me ONCE in the 3 months she knew about the engagement before things escalated into what it is today (and that was back in AUGUST!!!). My ex fiance has said that Im making a mountain out of a mole hill about the fact that she had not congratulated me but its NOT that I NEED her congratulations to be happy, its that at SOME point there just IS no excuse when she shows up to OUR house and walks through the door without acknowledging me or talking about anything but HERSELF….I even tried listening to her and giving friendly advice thinking that maybe she was just stressed or had a lot on her mind but REALLY?! THREE MONTHS and half the town knows and she cant ONCE take THREE SECONDS to say congratulations?!?!? But she can take the time to drive over and request that my fiance help her with her problems while I’m at work.
I don’t know what to do, all my friends and family are totally upset and have tried to help and of course because he doesnt see ANYTHING wrong with the way he’s handled ANY of this and because that ‘woman’ hes freinds with is friends with all his mutual friends, have made me out to be the bad guy so everyone is just completely divided. My older lady friends and my mother have told me to put my foot down and Ive tried, all it does is drive an even bigger wedge between us to the point where he just gets angry and bullies me if I even mention it. She has shown up to our house twice to visit our next door neighbors and calls my ex fiance outside and totally avoids and dismisses me and he just jumps up and goes with it!!! The last time it ended with me and him in a total shouting match. Im SO very unhappy and at my wits end. I go to work and just start sobbing as soon as I get there because I feel like I cant talk to anyone let alone the person who promised to love me and support me and treat me like his best friend….
He expects me to put aside all other men and is totally jealous and unwilling to accept my male friends because according to him, they ALL want to sleep with me….I told him that if he expects that from me, then, I should be the only queen bee in this hive and why he cant see what a manipulative and disrespectful she’s being and that if she REALLY was his friend she would step back. I have HAD male friends who have requested distance because of jealous girl friends and I do it with NO hesitation BECAUSE I want them to be happy. He just dismisses me off hand and says I’m being crazy and that I don’t understand him….We even have been in couples therapy for 3 months now and he has just become more self righteous to the point where I barely recognize the man I fell in love with anymore. The therapist has told me that we are coming to a crossroads and that I should resort to telling him to pick…and I KNOW thats what its going to come down to but I just have the worst feeling that he’s going to pick her :*(
I feel so stuck and miserable. How can a man who promised to share his life and be with me just take EVERYTHING back like its nothing, like IM nothing even though I’ve put in so much time and effort to build a home for us??? To have it just handed over to some sniveling, greedy and undeserving snake! This has torn my life apart and I just feel SO alone!!! Some advice ladies???? PLEASE? ANY advice/thoughts because I don’t know what to do anymore…