Weddingbee boards

Hi (sorry so long),

I need some advice.  FI and I have agonized over whether to have a small destination wedding in the US or a larger one at home.  Well, our compromise was to have a private / secret ceremony, just the 2 of us, and then have a large ceremony and reception at home with everyone.  Perfect, right?

Well, our private ceremony has been scheduled and rescheduled.  I won't get into specifics, but let's just say that we are both very busy and tend to be a little TOO FLEXIBLE and push things off if something comes up at work, new business opportunities, etc.  We have been together for 6 years and both change our mind a ton so I don't think it is 100% wedding jitters  - we do it with vacations, moving decisions, dinner plans, etc.

Our private ceremony was scheduled for August and the big wedding was scheduled for September.  In June, FI told me he wanted to push the big wedding back to MAY 2010!  I was pissed.  He says that he has financial pressure, etc., but I think he is always stressed and busy.  Plus, I know that he hates personal change - he even hates it when I move the furniture around.  Now, I am not picking on him, but I do tease him b/c he craves stability at home.  I understand a little bit b/c we are both self-employed and things change very minute in business.  Typically, if he resists a change, I move forward, allow him to be upset for a little bit, and then he ALWAYS comes around b/c he realizes that he actually likes it. 

Well, we talked it out and I reluctantly agreed to change the date to May - AS LONG AS WE STILL WENT THROUGH WITH THE PRIVATE CEREMONY IN SEPTEMBER.  My reason, life happens and we can't treat our wedding like a vacation and just keep changing our plans whenever something comes up.

Well, it is now September and my dear FI says he wants to have a commitment ceremony on the beach, without a license, and wants to have the REAL wedding next May.  He told me that after speaking with his Grandmother (who he is very close to) he thinks that 20 years from now he wants to remember all of his family and friends being with him on his wedding day.  Now, I understand his feelings, but this is a total departure from the man who wanted the beach and sand.  Plus, I don't want to pay to go all the way across country just for a "non-marriage ceremony."  I know that you don't have to get a license to be "married in your heart," but there is a point to it, right?  I guess I am just ready to be married - period.  He thinks a commitment ceremony will be just as special   

He says he wants to be married, he says that there is nothing stopping him from getting married, but that he wants to share this day with everyone.  Should I believe him?  I am afraid that if I agree, what is to stop him from pulling this again in May?  Should I just keep our September beach wedding plans because this might be another instance of him resisting change?  Or, should I compromise on my idea of a wedding that includes the beach and no stress (b/c the engagement period has been stressful for me because everyone wanted us to do the larger wedding and we wanted something else)? 

What would you do?

@ arizonabride: yes, he suggested a commitment ceremony so that I would not be upset.  However, I am still upset and very confused.  I don't want to pressure him, but I also have to set a standard for myself.  Plus, I only agreed to change the wedding date to May IF we still had the private ceremony this month.  Very upsetting . . .  

@ arizonabride:  Good point.  Guess what?  We already have the chapel, reception (+ caterer), photog, cake maker, my dress, bm dresses, centerpiece vases, etc.  I already interviewed 2 event rental places so we just need to choose and order chairs, tent, lighting, etc. 

The only thing that we really need to decide upon are the dj, flowers, decide upon a planner, and figure out how to decorate the church and reception hall.  As you can see, I had a lot done before he asked to move the date (which was 2 months beforehand).  True to form, he recently mentioned that he wants to change the venue, but I said ABSOLUTELY NOT.  I also think his family wants us to have it in their hometown, where we both live, however I don't think that is very fair.  We have put down deposits on most things and although the venue is a little more "rustic" than our personal taste, it fits out budget, everyone has been very accomodating, and it is smack dab in the middle of our families (40 - 45 minutes for each side).  Thanks for the suggestions!